to think my friend isn’t actually a lone parent?!

[butterlo]

My friend describes herself as a lone parent and whilst her dd doesn’t see her dad so obviously she has no practical help, she has hundreds a month from her ex which means she has more flexibility than me… who I consider is a real lone parent. No contact with the father and has never paid a penny! Surely that’s the definition of a lone parent, not someone who has significant financial input for their child?!

So what is your story? This anger must come from somewhere?

A LONE parent has no help from the other parent.

A SINGLE parent is not in a relationship with the other parent but is in a co parentimg arrangement

Not sure why people are having a go.

She got the settlement from the last week or the week before and has a period of time to move it into property which is the only way she won’t lose her universal credit apparently. She is taking advice I believe. You are right that normally you can’t have over that amount in the bank. The situ with my ex SIL is extremely messed up - she tells everyone how poor she is. She quit her job just at the right point before the court proceedings so she is “unemployed” versus my brother who has worked hard and has a well paid professional job. She got 75% of the equity in the house due to her being “unemployed” and the “primary carer” for their child.
I’d appreciate it if you could apologise for the pretty unpleasant / aggressive response. I’m on MN all the time and normally people try to be nice than that.

You realise Im not just sat here waiting for a response?

Even given lots of time to think you have no answer that justifies your ridiculous assertions.

You still married a fucking idiot. Such a model partner of perfection, Im sure there wasnt a hint of a sign that entire time. And losing that amount of money? Where were you when this was happening?

I don't deny he is "an idiot". My point is that there was no way to tell this in advance, given none of the purported "red flags" were present. How would I know what money he had run up on credit cards? Do you demand copies of your husband's credit record to see if he's running up debts behind your back? If so, my bad.

Im sorry for your situation, but projecting doesnt change OP's situation. Being bitter that her friend didnt procreate with a dickhead is ridiculous.

I don't need and didn't ask for your sympathy. My children have a beautiful home and a loving parent and a very nice life, provided by me. What you need to do is stop stereotyping people and making judgements about them when you know nothing, as your posts make crystal clear.

My story is that I terminated a baby rather than be tied to a violent cheat for the rest of my life. It isnt hard to make the right decisions for your own life and that of your future child.

And dont mistake passion for anger. I am passionate that people are accountable for their lives. I am sick of life being everyone elses fault. Victim blaming is such a bloody cop out.

I have some financial support and ex has children 2 nights a month. I am absolutely a lone parent. I parent 330 nights out of the year alone. A but of support doesn’t replace the sharing of the load if I had their dad with me full time.

You’re jealous of money so trying to belittle your friend. Says more about you than it does about her parenting status.

PS I just checked and I’m right in the info I mentioned - she has 6 months to invest the settlement money into property before it affects her Universal Credit.

“…there are capital disregards that can be taken into account when calculating your UC eligibility. For example, if you were to receive a lump sum under the terms of a financial agreement which was to be used specifically for a house purchase, then these funds would be disregarded from any UC calculation for six months, or longer if the sale did not complete.”

I guess in that she lives with her child 61% of the time and my brother lives with the child 39% of the time, they are both “single parents” for the time they each have DC. I just don’t think of her or my brother as “lone parents” as they have a co-parenting agreement in place and both contribute their parts to their child’s life. Different interpretations of the term.

There is no need to get unpleasant in posts on here, I don’t think we are coming from all that different perspectives on the matter in hand re the OP. 👍🏻

A lone parent IMO is one who is the primary carer, who might have some support either financial or practical or both, but basically the buck stops with you. You do the parents' evenings, the homework help, the laundry and uniform buying, all the admin, etc. Having a small financial contribution and the odd weekend 'off' on high alert because of problems doesn't make you less of a lone parent. Some people have a lot of help or support from a parent or two, or a sibling, or their new partner might help out with lifts for example, without being a full step parent. So there are all kinds of 'lone' parents but I think it's that mental load as much as anything which makes it tough.

PPS I’m fairly sure she isn’t currently single as I think she has a new partner. But that wasn’t mentioned either way in my post as I don’t know and it isn’t relevant to their custody arrangement and parenting together. Just as you said “she is single”. Her relationships aren’t any of my business, I hope she is happy as the two of them sure weren’t happy being married.

*My story is that I terminated a baby rather than be tied to a violent cheat for the rest of my life. It isnt hard to make the right decisions for your own life and that of your future child.

And dont mistake passion for anger. I am passionate that people are accountable for their lives. I am sick of life being everyone elses fault. Victim blaming is such a bloody cop out.*

It's best not to judge. You had an abortion, that's fine.

Not everyone can access an abortion. This one is for girls and those in abusive family or relationship situations.

Not everyone knows their male counterpart is abusive or an idiot.

Not everyone can do something about it even if they do know.

Sometimes men are normal in a relationship but realise they can have freedom and don't want to pay or see a child.

Sometimes none of these things are true, and a woman just makes a misguided choice. Still not her fault if she's the one laying everything out for the child.

What good does punishing a woman for having sex years ago do? It's too late to make a child not exist.

And often, as copious research demonstrates, a father does not become abusive until after children are born. Or walks out on his family many years later. Aborting a child that has been born already isn't really an option, is it?

Of course she will lose her universal credit if she has more than £16,000 pounds in her current or saving account

A lone parent also has minimum child maintenance, my ex only pays £30.43 a month

A lone parent also has minimum child maintenance, my ex only pays £30.43 a month

Yep, I was really shocked to find out the state of the CMS. It's insulting, really. Isn't the flat rate £27? Not even a full pound a day!

Can someone post a definition of line v single parent from a valid source?

As far as I can see organisations use lone and single parent interchangeably.

Nothing to do with child maintenance or access arrangements.

I agree with op it’s not a race to the bottom. Child maintenance enforcement should be happening but doesn’t. It’s frustrating and soul destroying.

Lone ⬆️

It's not a race to the bottom

Look it up, there are capital disregards that can be taken into account when calculating your UC eligibility. For example, if you were to receive a lump sum under the terms of a financial agreement which was to be used specifically for a house purchase, then these funds would be disregarded from any UC calculation for six months, or longer if the sale did not complete.

She has been given advice by her solicitor. She is living in a house owned by her Dad so likely she will buy the house from him or out the financial settlement (from divorce) money into property elsewhere. She essentially has 6 months to dispose of it within the UC rules. Doesn’t seem fair to me tbh but that’s the system.

Source: See the section in this link entitled “How does a lump sum received on divorce affect Universal Credit?”

https://www.birketts.co.uk/legal-update/will-divorce-affect-my-universal-credit/#:~:text=How%20does%20a%20lump%20sum,UC%20will%20not%20be%20affected.

What utter crap you spout.

What you say can't even be factually true.

Also having 10 nights off while doing 21 nights and 31 days doesn't change being a single parent, neither does income.

so theirs a legal court order that the money from the divorce is tied up in a housing chain... shes not just splashing £80k on nails and girls nights not that that is anything to do with anything.

Its utterly irreverent to both her income or status as a single parent.

Why are you so bitter over a relationship thats not your own, talk about boundary stomping and being out of your lane.

Here is the relevant section from the UC regulations that governs capital disregards i.e. money over £16,000 that is ignored for the purposes of claiming UC (Chapter H2):

“H2119 Where a person has received an amount within the past 6 months which is to be used to purchase premises that the person intend to occupy as their home, that amount can be disregarded from the calculation of that person’s capital where it

1. is attributable to the proceeds of the sale of premises formerly occupied as their home or
2. has been deposited with a housing association (see H2045) or
3. is a grant made to the person for the sole purpose of purchasing a home1.

1 UC Regs, Sch 10, para 13 Is it reasonable to disregard for longer H2120 The DM may decide it is reasonable to disregard the amount for a longer period if, for example

1. people have tried but not found premises which are suitable for their or a member of their family's needs (in particular, if one of them is disabled and needs a certain type of accommodation)
2. the person has found premises and the

2.1 sale has not been completed or 2.2 seller later decides not to sell.”

I'm sorry you regret your decision so much you have internalized the guilt and turned it into hate and now use it to aggressively attack on any woman that choose different but therapy will likely help your more than misplacing blame in an attempt to justify it to yourself.

Hi, I was just replying to PP who said I was talking “Bullshit” regarding the UC system and was seeking to set out the info for them as it stands with the UC system. It’s an interesting theoretical situation but must be fairly common upon divorce.
It’s relevance only extends to my view in a previous post that where parents have shared custody of a child and the mother isn’t working but is receiving a court allocated per month on top of child maintenance etc it wouldn’t be a situation I would see as involving a “lone parent”.

There seems to be a fair amount of subjectively when it comes to the terms “single parent” and “lone parent”. I had always abstractly thought of them as interchangeable but perhaps not? Either way, if there is shared custody of a child then both parents would equally be considered “lone parents” or not. But one could not whilst the other was in this situation.

To my mind it is a combination of financial support and physical shared custody that defines a situation as Not being a “lone parent” situation. I only referenced my brother’s situation by way of example - it seems to have hit a nerve. All I can say is that he has fought and fought to ensure his child isn’t taken away from him, the mother initially (in multiple recorded interviews) stated that she wouldn’t “ever let him see” the child if he continued to pursue a divorce. It was all very sad and difficult for the whole family, doubtless on both sides. Now hopefully things are moving forward towards everyone being happier.

The way you stated it was that she got the money to splash out on herself when in reality that isn't the case, so you can google information for the yourself, you made out like if you have over £16,000 in your bank you can still claim universal credit which is bs.

Ps the court has made no order as to What she spends the money on but my understanding is that she has been advised to put the money into property within 6 months in line with UC regulations. Who knows, that’s her business. I was just highlighting that having money over £16,000 in an account didn’t automatically cut UC payments.