to think my friend isn’t actually a lone parent?!

[butterlo]

My friend describes herself as a lone parent and whilst her dd doesn’t see her dad so obviously she has no practical help, she has hundreds a month from her ex which means she has more flexibility than me… who I consider is a real lone parent. No contact with the father and has never paid a penny! Surely that’s the definition of a lone parent, not someone who has significant financial input for their child?!

Yes it does cut your universal credit if you have £16,000 more in your bank to splash out on yourself, you even googled the points and still came up with that conclusion 🤣

She hasn’t been told by the court what to spend the money on. If she doesn’t spend it on property then she will lose her UC. She could technically spend it on whatever she wants but then she wouldn’t be able to utilise this “capitals disregards” clause. The court agreement just dictated the % of the split from the house sale and my brother transferred that amount to her upon the completion of the sale.

Omg no point responding to you anymore, whatever you think 🙄

Unsurprisingly I was not in the relevant meeting with her solicitor and/or accountant but she has said she has been given advice and presumably advised the relevant government department re her ongoing UC entitlements. Whether she follows through on what she has declared or follows the advice is up to her. If she doesn’t she may end up owing the gov money. She has also said she wants a new Audi in recent times so who knows! Was demanding that my brother buy her one not that long ago as part of the divorce. Hopefully it all works out for her and everyone can move on happily, for the sake of the little child involved.

I have supplied the source material as applies to capital disregards. I cannot do much more to explain the argument at hand. It admittedly is a technical point and most appropriately explained and understood by lawyers or accountants working within this field. I think this conversation has run its course. Thank you for the lovely discourse.

It's unfortunate you don't get financial help but that in no way makes you more single parent then anyone else.

Jealous. That's what it makes you. You are both single parents. Obviously.

Give it a rest. I respect my own decision not to find myself in OPs position. I regret nothing, I am proud that I was strong enough not to be ruled by my heart.

I am proud that I was strong enough not to be ruled by my heart.

That's one of many reasons why people have children in bad situations. You're not smarter than anyone else because you had an abortion. Someone could come along and say if you were super smart, you'd have doubled up. But that wouldn't be helpful, would it?

A friend of mine is always short of money though she works full time and has no children. I am also short of money, am on a zero hours contract and normally get about 10 shifts a month. Dh is unemployed and I have one dc at home. I often lend her money as though my household income is about half of hers I manage it better. I do sometimes wonder if she ever thinks of my situation.

You sound jealous and not a friend I would want to have

You’re probably one of those who will tell me I’m not a long parent as my ex does see the kids - meant to be EOW but reality is it varies and can be months between. He currently doesn’t pay maintenance but has done. He’s skint and you can’t get blood from a stone. I live alone with my children. I do all the school runs, parent evenings, assemblies, awards nights, performances, fill in the Forms, fill in the DLA for one, I get the tax credits and child benefit as a single parent. I’m a long parent. We attempt to cO parent but we don’t really as far as I’m concerned.

I’d say you’re both lone parents. Even with financial support she’s alone at home with her kids making decisions day in day out and doesn’t have the other parent there to support with that.

@Manthide I’d stop bailing your friend out! Make it clear she has more disposable income than your household. I’m amazed you do this.

I know, I'm not very good at asserting myself. I have a little speech ready for next time but I don't know if I'll be able to do it!

@Manthide well done for having a speech ready. Maybe text it to her.

Dies she ask you? If so she’s v cheeky. Pre-empt her and say your skint. At the very least bug yourself time and day you’ll let her know if you have spare funds.

I am skint and would never ask friends. I just don’t buy luxuries or go out unless it’s a walk.

But @Screwballs some people are very good at being deceitful. It’s awful what you went through, but sometimes people/men wait until after children arrive to show their dark side.

why does her bank account matter to you? if she’s bringing out feelings of jealousy and bitterness, maybe don’t befriend her and work on bettering your own circumstances or starting to accept your financial situation without comparing to others