to think my friend isn’t actually a lone parent?!

[butterlo]

My friend describes herself as a lone parent and whilst her dd doesn’t see her dad so obviously she has no practical help, she has hundreds a month from her ex which means she has more flexibility than me… who I consider is a real lone parent. No contact with the father and has never paid a penny! Surely that’s the definition of a lone parent, not someone who has significant financial input for their child?!

I'm a single mother by choice (donor sperm). Of course your friend is a lone parent. She may be richer than you, and money makes life whether you are a lone parent or not, but it doesn't mean you are not a lone parent. Bloody ridiculous. Your friend has more money. Get a grip.

YABU

Either way, both of your children don't have the father in the picture full time so nobody is winning here, both children have the emotional deficit of not having their other parent there.
I really wouldn't think of it as a competition.

@butterlo Comparing your situation isn't going to help your mental health yes it sucks that your child's father isn't paying child maintenance however it isn't anyone else's fault but his, please don't feel down because some people get alot of child maintenance and you get nothing.

I see what you mean, but she is still a lone parent in as much as she gets no physical help. But the financial help definitely will take up some of that strain as opposed to someone without either of those things.

So while its true she is a lone parent, she has it a little easier in as much as she still gets money to help shoulder the cost of the children's needs. Which in itself must take a bit of the everyday worry of how to pay for things. Whereas you get neither so have both the physical loneness and no financial help at all. So I get it that you are doing it all totally alone.

Charming

I see it as a lone parent gets no physical support or is the resident parent. The circumstances are just different. In the same way as a two parent family may have both parents with some flexibility in work hours or hands on grandparents or more money or financial assistance or better health etc to support them, the two parent family without any of these is still a two parent family.

So you had a child with someone that refuses to financially support that child and your issue is with your friend who chose a partner to have a child with that does support it? Grow up.

What has gratitude you’re getting money from a parent who couldn’t be arsed to be there got to do with your status as a single parent? My children’s father sent me child support but he didn’t parent them, how could he, he lived abroad?

My understanding is that 1 in 4 families in this country are single/loan parents.

There are as many different ones as there are horses. There are as many different ones in different circumstances as there are different families with two parents/carers.

Someone on my street is a grandmother whose daughter died and they had to take over care for their grandson. That is a lone parent family.

People are widowed, divorced, started a new life away from domestic abuse, in recovery from economic abuse...young teenagers right up to people in their fifties like me. Some women nowadays choose to have a child on their own.

There are still lots of stereotypes about us though, in particular stereotypes about single mothers. It is misogyny at it's worst if you ask me. Somehow some people (not all obviously) look at women who have the audacity to bring up a child on their own for whatever reason, whether they have chosen to, or been forced to because the father is absent, lazy, ill, dead...

...and think we are easy targets to judge.

Some people manage to get child maintenance, others don't.

Some of us have disabilities.

How do you know what someone else's challenges and blessings are, O.P? Have you had an insight look into their bank account? Do you know their ex partner? How do you know what they have been through? What challenges they still face?

Lots of people are struggling now in the aftermath of the pandemic and the Cost of Greed crisis.

Finances can change in the blink of an eye with mortgage rates going up - and adverse circumstances. Isnt it better to try to feel grateful for what you have i.e. a famly instead of feeling jealous of what you imagine (you don't really know) what someone else has or doesn't have?

Have you posted on this before? You don't have to be jealous because you're skint. The world doesn't care about the semantics of lone/single parenting and you obsessing over one friend's financial position will not improve yours. You need to concentrate on bettering your life or chasing you ex for CM owed.

spelling obviously lone parents

Nobody can predict the future or a mind reader so how on earth does anyone choose to have a child with deadbeats who don't see or pay for their child/children!?

Yabu- what an idiotic way to think of your ‘friend’.

It isn't a competition op! And who cares what she calls herself, lone parent or not??

You're clearly resentful of your situation (understandably) but you're focusing your anger at the wrong thing.

Everyone who is a parent struggles (in some way or another!) It's fucking hard work especially with extra complications in like not having a partner to help physically or financially. But attacking other struggling parents is never the answer. If more of us actually supported each other it would be more beneficial than being jealous or bitter about the things they have that you don't.

(I am a single parent of a young child, to add).

If she’s your friend you shouldn’t be trying to race her to the bottom.

Although she may get financial contribution from her ex, presumably she’s doing 100% of the parenting herself. Money makes no difference to sleepless nights and the sacrifices that come with being a single parent when the child gets sick, or unexpectedly needs picking up from school, or needs ferrying to and from football/dance/karate they do out of hours, not to mention having to say no to socialising or hobbies at the expense or your own well-being because there is no second parent to leave the child with.

You are both lone parents. She has financial support, you don't. She has a bit of help with DD from her ex, you don't. You're an unlucky lone parent, and it's especially hard for you. But I daresay she still struggles with the long evenings stuck in the house, summer holidays, and the lack of day-to-day support. Money isn't everything, the lack of a partner to take the emotional pressure off can't be assuaged by money alone.

Hmm I do kind of see what you are saying. I’m a true lone parent as in my ex isn’t involved at all and has never had the kids in 6 years since we split not a single penny in maintenance for 4 kids he might as well not exist if I’m honest, then on another thread I saw someone was getting £500+ for one child a month and though wow! I can’t imagine how much easier my life would be with an extra 500 a month and that’s for 4 children never mind one! But I still think they are a lone parent if he doesn’t physically SEE the child regardless of paying maintenance but yes there is a difference between getting a substantial amount of maintenance 500+ and getting nothing at all.

Just another semantics game along with stay at home parent/job/working parent etc. etc.

Call yourself what you like. She can too.

For what it's worth it's not about the money. If you live alone with your children you're a lone parent. You're a lone parent if you're on 100K as well as if you're on 25K - you have no partner living with you.

I think you’re being very petty. WTF does it matter. The bottom line is both of you don’t have sufficient support from the fathers of your kids. Focus on that rather than playing lone parent bragging right Top Trumps.

Sorry, I didn't read your OP correctly - she has no practical help either.

Could you babysit her child occasionally as company for your own and vice versa, so you both get a break? It is important, even if it's just a day out alone or being at home for an evening alone in front of the telly, without having to worry over a child's needs.

You're both lone parents. She is a more fortunate one as her finances are better, but she's still a lone parent because she's parenting alone.

Just to point out OP that I have 2 children - 1 gives support, the other never has. What does that make me? A half lone parent? I’d be absolutely mortified a ‘friend’ was posting this shit about me on a forum. I hope she has other friends as you don’t sound like a true one.