…to tell the mum from school that her daughter is being bullied because of her tik tok…

[namechange2024]

DD is in year 6 (she’s 11) she doesn’t have her own tik tok account as I won’t let her have one (tik tok is meant to be for 14+ and I have an account myself and see a lot of things I would rather she didn’t!)

But as is usually the case, most of her friends DO have a tik too account and unrestricted access to it. Now before I get flamed, I understand that the my DD’s friends mum is allowed to have her own tik tok and post whatever she’s likes (she’s late 30’s) but I’m not sure if she knows her daughter has become the subject of ridicule because of it.

The friends mum is posting scantily clad videos, in low cut tops, dancing, sticking her middle finger up, some sort of sexual innuendo jokes- and once a child at school came across her videos, her daughter is now being teased relentlessly and being told how embarrassed they would be if their mums acted this way. My DD is her friend and obviously doesn’t join in with the bullying. She sticks up for her. But I know her friend has not mentioned this to her mum.

Shall I stay out of it or would I be reasonable to tell the mum what I’ve been told? She recently deleted a video about her being friends (on TT not in real life) with Paul breach who is notorious on social media for being a man in his 40’s and being with teen girls (over 16) she deleted the video thankfully but not before one of the year 6’s seen it- they are all ‘following’ her account and saving the videos, sharing it amongst them.

Her account is completely public. Tonight she’s got a video of her in a bikini… what would you do? I’m just thinking if she knew the effect it was having on her DD, she might make it at the very least a private account….?

In posters haste to confirm a women's right to be whatever she wants, they seem to be ignoring this kids need for privacy

But the kids need for the privacy you’re describing (eg. no distinguishable media of the mother on socials) is only a necessity if others (the bullies) are given a free pass to comment on it. We should be outraged that’s kids are bullying other kids for videos on TT. We should be outraged that kids of this age are allowed on TT. However, the majority of the vitriol on this post is aimed at the ‘inappropriate’ mother of the bullies child. And before you state how unrealistic this is, consider this. OPs daughter not only doesn’t ridicule her friend, she has responsibly gone to her own Mum for advice and support for her friend. It is possible to raise decent human beings…. but not with the attitudes I see of parents on this post.

I don’t have a TT account, and would never dream of putting videos of myself on it. But I defend the rights of others to do so, and I condemn kids being allowed on social media platforms before they’re mentally mature enough to deal with the content and fall out. We all should condemn that, and any form of bullying.

I am outraged at all of that.

But the tiktok's remain. And regardless of the bullying, they will remain.

Consider this - OPs decent, caring daughter probably feels sorry for her friend that her mother is so public and is glad that OP is not doing similar on line.

Bullying is abhorrent.

Putting yourself on line with disregard to your family's feelings is selfish.

How many on here have teenagers who say " don't post that! ".

I'd tell her. Children can't protect/speak up for themselves, they don't have the confidence or maturity. It's up to adults to gently step in and help them out. Maybe it won't do any good, but maybe mum didn't think about the ramifications.

Thank you everyone- I have an update. I spoke with the school to report what my daughter has said, and I did manage to speak to the mum. I just told her that my
daughter was concerned for hers, as it sounds like her daughter is being targeted by the bullies and subject to a lot of unkind comments. I said it seems like it started by some children coming across the tik tok account and then saying horrible things about it to her daughter. She was visibly shocked and upset. She thanked me for telling her and said she felt embarrassed and that she uses a nickname on there not her own, never posts anything about her children and wouldn’t expect 10 and 11 year olds to be on the app. She said she would speak to her daughter and the school. That’s all I know and of course I don’t expect any updates from the mum as I’ve now done all I can and it is not my business. However, I checked on my own tik tok the following day and unless she’s changed her name on there, the account is nowhere to be found so looks like she deleted it. I’m glad I said something, and I do completely agree with posters that said a grown woman should be able to use social media if she wants to and we shouldn’t HAVE to change our behaviour for bullies. But if it was me I think I would do the same thing that it appears the mum has done, and removed the account. Purely as the person suffering at the hands of the bullies isn’t her. I think we can all imagine that secondary school could be hell if you were that child and children are sharing half naked videos of your mum around and making horrible comments.
I hope the bullies are dealt with appropriately, and that they don’t go on to secondary school bullying anyone else.

This is very well said. I have updated now, but didn’t want to pass this comment. I agree with everything you’ve said- a lot of outrage directed at the mum, less so for the bullies. As you can see from my update, it looks like she’s removed her account and to be honest in the short term that was probably a good thing to do, at least whilst the Main issues - children as young as 10 and 11 having access to a social media app that has an age restriction of 14, and children bullying. In the short term, at least no new videos are going to passed around the class.

Well done. Perfect update.

It's a really good update, OP.

Well done Op.

So glad you plucked up the courage to say something.

Oh that's good news.

That’s a positive update OP - well done for plucking up the courage to have an awkward conversation. It sounds like the Mum was oblivious to the fall out, so this has probably been a good reality check for her. The bullies will move onto someone else for something else (they probably can’t control either)