…to tell the mum from school that her daughter is being bullied because of her tik tok…

[namechange2024]

DD is in year 6 (she’s 11) she doesn’t have her own tik tok account as I won’t let her have one (tik tok is meant to be for 14+ and I have an account myself and see a lot of things I would rather she didn’t!)

But as is usually the case, most of her friends DO have a tik too account and unrestricted access to it. Now before I get flamed, I understand that the my DD’s friends mum is allowed to have her own tik tok and post whatever she’s likes (she’s late 30’s) but I’m not sure if she knows her daughter has become the subject of ridicule because of it.

The friends mum is posting scantily clad videos, in low cut tops, dancing, sticking her middle finger up, some sort of sexual innuendo jokes- and once a child at school came across her videos, her daughter is now being teased relentlessly and being told how embarrassed they would be if their mums acted this way. My DD is her friend and obviously doesn’t join in with the bullying. She sticks up for her. But I know her friend has not mentioned this to her mum.

Shall I stay out of it or would I be reasonable to tell the mum what I’ve been told? She recently deleted a video about her being friends (on TT not in real life) with Paul breach who is notorious on social media for being a man in his 40’s and being with teen girls (over 16) she deleted the video thankfully but not before one of the year 6’s seen it- they are all ‘following’ her account and saving the videos, sharing it amongst them.

Her account is completely public. Tonight she’s got a video of her in a bikini… what would you do? I’m just thinking if she knew the effect it was having on her DD, she might make it at the very least a private account….?

The problem is social media users like this tend to thrive on ‘the haters’, so she may actually love it if it’s brought to her attention everyone locally is watching her and talking about it. Que an onslaught of even more OTT posts on TT for ‘the haters’ etc.

People who thrive on external validation and/or attention tend to love the drama and will then ramp up what they’re doing to ‘give the haters something to talk about’.

Perhaps the teacher could have a discreet word?

I don't think it's a teachers job to monitor TikTok accounts of parents of students. As the adult who is aware & has seen the content it's your job.

I would tell her. How embarrassing for the poor child having a mother like that

The problem is bullying. Not an adults personal social media platform. I would report the bullying to school.

Could you maybe have a quiet word with the mum that her daughter is being bullied, that you don't know if the specifics ie what it's about or anything just that you've heard she's being given a hard time at school?

Tell the school, they’re best placed to handle this sort of thing. If they’re anything like my child’s school this won’t be tolerated. Poor girl every child deserve a nice mum who they can look up to.

I don’t watch it… but how are they resolving it? perhaps I should look it up 😬

Maybe a controversial opinion (by MN's standards) but I really hate the idea many have that everyone's an island and that we should stay out of everything that doesn't directly affect us. Someone's personal choices sometimes do affect others, like in this case, and sometimes someone has to speak up because nobody else will.

What happened to just talking to someone to see what's what?

If they're receptive, great. If not, then you can move on and drop the subject knowing you've tried.

Absolutely do not involve the school. Just have a word with her mum to mum. Instead of inflicting the task on a poor teacher who has to tell a parent the class of kids has seen her in a bikini

Also you can see who has looked at your profile on TikTok. She probably knows you and the kids have been watching.

I agree with this. The problem isn't a slightly batty mum, it's the kids picking on another kid.

I’d probably concentrate less on what you can say to the poor bullies girls mum.. and more on what you can say to the bullies mums. Why should they be allowed to bully anyone?

You're victim blaming and those girls are going to grow up thinking they can treat anyone like shit if it suits them.

god I’ve had enough of young bitchy teenage girls.

I would find a way to tell the Mum, in a non judgemental way. You are not judging the mum you are just letting her know that her daughter is getting bullied. I would also absolutely make the school is aware of each and every child that takes part in the bullying. Going against the majority here but saying nothing makes you complicit in the bullying IMO. Think about it - what does it tell you about a person that they would be ok to turn a blind eye whilst a someone, especially a child, is getting bullied. If you don't want to get caught in the cross fire, a warm and friendly anonymous note is probably the best way to go.

I would say something to the mother. She needs to pack it in. Nobody needs to do Tiktok videos of themselves, and parents need to think carefully about social media stuff that may embarrass their kids.

Saying "schools should stop the bullying" is missing the point. I'd be mortified about my mother doing this kind of video even if everyone around me was absolutely lovely about it. Embarrassing is EMBARRASSING, regardless of people's reactions.

I'd anonymously message/letter. Although it sounds like this mum is too far into it to care about her daughter's feelings. My daughter would be mortified

This.

You could try having a word with the mum but she'll probably react badly. She sounds self-obsessed and not the slightest bit considerate of her ds's feelings.

The poor dd is probably used to having a ghastly mother, and will disown her as a teen. Once they get to Senior school, there's no school gate chat and fewer parents meet each other so it will get easier for her quite soon.

Honestly yes you should say something, but you won't get anywhere. It takes a very attention hungry person to do what she's doing, at the detriment of your own children. She won't stop. I can't stand 'influencers', they really don't care about anyone or anything as long as they're getting likes and comments from strangers. Oh and don't get me started on the entitlement.

i really wish parents of primary age would be checking what their kids are looking at, and restrict stuff like Tiktok. Shouldn’t they be checking every night what their kids are viewing? I dread to think to the repercussions of children so young having unrestricted access to the internet. A friends DD has a group chat on some kids app but they are always arguing and sending horrible stuff. When I was visiting my friends DD threw her tablet in a rage because of it. Mine didn’t have phones until secondary. I know most kids have internet access much earlier, and they did via laptops but class what’s app groups caused a big problem for my DD and she deleted it, as she didn’t want school bullies being able to access her at home. Parents need to check those what’s app groups as I was shocked at what I was reading

My initial reaction when reading was that the mother should know so she can at least make her account private, but, ultimately, I think the bullying and children being on age inappropriate social media is the issue.
I’d inform the school and let them
deal with it.

This is really quite simple and I don't know why people are suggesting you send an anonymous note like she's doing something shameful. The issue here is the girls bullying your DDs friend.

Speak to your daughter's friend's Mum and say 'DD has told me some of the girls in their class have access to TT and have found your account and are bullying your daughter about it. You should probably speak to school so they can be dealt with'.

Tough one like you said in your op it’s not for under 14’s and I guarantee that will be the school and mums argument they will explicitly say do not let your children on it! And to pay more attention to what your kids are accessing which they shouldn’t be.

But they need to address the bullying obvs!

I'm inclined to agree tbh although posting those type of videos is not something I'd want to do

I agree. I'd want to know if my child was being bullied regardless of the reason behind it.

Also why have y6 kids even got tik tok 🤦‍♀️ (