…to tell the mum from school that her daughter is being bullied because of her tik tok…

[namechange2024]

DD is in year 6 (she’s 11) she doesn’t have her own tik tok account as I won’t let her have one (tik tok is meant to be for 14+ and I have an account myself and see a lot of things I would rather she didn’t!)

But as is usually the case, most of her friends DO have a tik too account and unrestricted access to it. Now before I get flamed, I understand that the my DD’s friends mum is allowed to have her own tik tok and post whatever she’s likes (she’s late 30’s) but I’m not sure if she knows her daughter has become the subject of ridicule because of it.

The friends mum is posting scantily clad videos, in low cut tops, dancing, sticking her middle finger up, some sort of sexual innuendo jokes- and once a child at school came across her videos, her daughter is now being teased relentlessly and being told how embarrassed they would be if their mums acted this way. My DD is her friend and obviously doesn’t join in with the bullying. She sticks up for her. But I know her friend has not mentioned this to her mum.

Shall I stay out of it or would I be reasonable to tell the mum what I’ve been told? She recently deleted a video about her being friends (on TT not in real life) with Paul breach who is notorious on social media for being a man in his 40’s and being with teen girls (over 16) she deleted the video thankfully but not before one of the year 6’s seen it- they are all ‘following’ her account and saving the videos, sharing it amongst them.

Her account is completely public. Tonight she’s got a video of her in a bikini… what would you do? I’m just thinking if she knew the effect it was having on her DD, she might make it at the very least a private account….?

11 with tictoc , so so young ! I’m not in the UK though and my 11 year old son doesn’t have a phone. Really not a good idea at that age tbh.

I would tell her to tell the teachers that her child is being bullied and give her a heads up about which students are doing the bullying so that their parents can be informed about their behaviour.

this woman should not have to change her TikTok, no matter how embarrassing it may seem, in order to placate bullies.

I think the school have a duty to tell the parent if they know a child is being bullied, it can be so damaging. I was bullied at school and they did nothing about it, I felt totally let down and like no one cared. The school absolutely should get involved, they should at least tell the girls mother and send an email to all parents with a general warning that some students are accessing inappropriate tiktoks (something similar has happened at our school and that's what they did)

I think the safeguarding issue isn't what the mum's doing but the fact all these Y5 kids are on TikTok. It's a 13+ app. So I would have a discreet word with the class teacher to say it's come to your attention there are pupils following this mum's account and the DD is getting bullied for it, then let the school take it from there.

I mean Y6. Still too young though.

The school needs to deal with the bullying, no?

The mum is not the problem here. The problem is student bullying.

She absolutely is the problem. She's the reason her daughter is being bullied.

Wouldn't it be lovely if we lived in a perfect world where bullying didn't exist. Well the reality is that it does and probably always will.

I can guarantee that any word with the mother will lead to an increase in output on TikTok with things like "This one's for the bullying little brats in my daughter's class.... it's bedtime children, shouldn't you be doing your homework, I might be wearing a bikini but at least I make sure my kids are properly looked after not neglected on apps, MWAH MWAH SWEETIES"

It's nothing to do with you

It's definitely not the schools responsibility to get involved

The woman presumably knows who her followers are?

The kid needs to speak up for herself. Tell your daughter to tell her mate to say ewwww Mum, you're an embarrassment. All my friend take the piss

And because it always will you tackle the bullies not the behaviour because you can modify your behaviour but the bullies will find another reason. These kids are yr 6 they are absolutely old enough to be told in very clear terms how awful their behaviour is and to receive consequences because of it.

Depends on the mum for me. A close friend I would say “look, my dd has told me your dd is being bullied about your tik tok account, I just wanted to let you know” but there are some less predictable mums where I wouldn’t but I would definitely tell the school as they could have a word.

@tunbridgeoutrage I totally agree with you! The issue here is the bullying (and underage inappropriate access to social media), not the mum’s TikTok account. Surely this is basically just internalised misogyny at play here? With people feeling that the mum should act a certain way and censor her social media use for fear that her daughter will get bullied. Bullies will find any excuse to bully someone, if the mother shuts down the TikTok account it will then be something else. I got bullied at school because I didn’t wear my school socks round my ankles which was apparently the “right” way to wear school socks according to the “in crowd”… The school need to get involved regarding the bullying which is the actual problem.

Keep out of it. The sort of mother that thinks it’s acceptable to stick her middle finger up at the camera, dance provocatively at the camera in a bikini and post it online will not give a monkeys about what you have to say. She presumably knows that her DD friends are following her on TikTok so she obviously doesn’t care.

I think I would decide “not my circus, not my monkeys”

Thick Tok

She's being very irresponsible, but as PPs have said, the thing the school needs to deal with is the bullying. Report it to the head and leave it with them.

I'd tell her if it was me. You don't have to be horrible about it, just say exactly what you said here - she's perfectly entitled to do what she wants in her private life but she should be aware that kids in the school have seen the videos and her daughter is getting some stick about it.

Is her name Britney? She seemingly doesn’t give a tiny rats arse about the impact of her ridiculous social media output on her sons.

Rightly or wrongly, I would be mortified if this was my mother, and could think of little worse than embarrassing my DC in this way. No, of course it’s not illegal?! But just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

I would frame it as a pp suggests - present the bullying as an issue to raise with the school so that they are aware of (and hopefully deal with) it.

I think I’d tell her, she can then moderate her posts accordingly if she knows. And if she doesn’t, well, you did your bit.
I would probably say “ohh <insert other child in the class> was saying they have seen your tik tok, you seem to have become quite the impact in the class”. If the conversation lends itself to it, I would delicately say your child had overheard a few of the comments towards her daughter.
And hope to god she puts the two and two together.

we had a mum on Only Fans, and those screen shots got passed around primary.

To be fair when I was in school people got bullied because their mam is fat or fashion 'frumpy' or poor... no one would tell those women to lose weight, have a 'hun' make over and magically be richer to protect their child.

If the school know about the bullying, I would assume they've spoken to the mum about it?

Bullying needs to be reported to school.

Mum needs to be told her TikToks are causing bullying.

Bullys will bully for anything but child's well being comes first here. Not mum's right to express herself on tiktok. God Alive.

I would say 'dd says that some of the girls at school are being really nasty to your dd, something about things they've seen on TikTok - has she told you about it at all?'
That way you can gauge how receptive she is from her reply.

Agree.

People will bully anyone for the weirdest and smallest of things whether that’s on social media or real life yet it’s always that the person being bullied needs to do xyz, not that the bullies should be held accountable for their actions.

The mum is an adult and can do what she chooses on TikTok because she is of age and is following the rules, whether one agrees or not of how she uses it, is irrelevant. The kids should be held accountable for bullying non-stop by the school and the parents informed of their actions and access to a platform they are underage for and the parents warned if the behaviour continues.

Perhaps, if bullying was nipped in the bud in the first few instances, and not just seen as what kids do and brushed off, we’d have less issues in schools and less kids growing up into adults thinking such behaviour is acceptable.