…to tell the mum from school that her daughter is being bullied because of her tik tok…

[namechange2024]

DD is in year 6 (she’s 11) she doesn’t have her own tik tok account as I won’t let her have one (tik tok is meant to be for 14+ and I have an account myself and see a lot of things I would rather she didn’t!)

But as is usually the case, most of her friends DO have a tik too account and unrestricted access to it. Now before I get flamed, I understand that the my DD’s friends mum is allowed to have her own tik tok and post whatever she’s likes (she’s late 30’s) but I’m not sure if she knows her daughter has become the subject of ridicule because of it.

The friends mum is posting scantily clad videos, in low cut tops, dancing, sticking her middle finger up, some sort of sexual innuendo jokes- and once a child at school came across her videos, her daughter is now being teased relentlessly and being told how embarrassed they would be if their mums acted this way. My DD is her friend and obviously doesn’t join in with the bullying. She sticks up for her. But I know her friend has not mentioned this to her mum.

Shall I stay out of it or would I be reasonable to tell the mum what I’ve been told? She recently deleted a video about her being friends (on TT not in real life) with Paul breach who is notorious on social media for being a man in his 40’s and being with teen girls (over 16) she deleted the video thankfully but not before one of the year 6’s seen it- they are all ‘following’ her account and saving the videos, sharing it amongst them.

Her account is completely public. Tonight she’s got a video of her in a bikini… what would you do? I’m just thinking if she knew the effect it was having on her DD, she might make it at the very least a private account….?

The number of people suggesting ‘anonymously’ telling the school.

So bizarre. What… write a letter, and drop it in the mailbox under the cover of night?

So immature.

Either involve the school by telling them under your own name, or stay out of it if you’re such a wet lettuce.

Honestly this is a safeguarding issue your best bet is telling the school descreately and allowing them to deal with it that way your not risking an aggressive mum retaliating or a mother who doesn't care whether her kids are being bullied. School will dela with it professionally.

The preaching needs to happen all the same, as does the topic of the dangers of SM.

And the bullying needs to be addressed as a matter of urgency.

I would think the school will not want to approach the mum in any way - it's nothing to do with them. She is a grown adult, not linked to the school eg a teacher/governor and it's happening outside the school's jurisdiction. Like when the public report students smoking in a park at the weekend, not the school's concern.

The school should be very concerned about daughter being bullied and should absolutely address this, provided they are made aware of it. OP should inform the school if they don't.

Poor daughter, sounds like this will follow her to secondary school and those kids are just vicious.

I don’t think anyone’s suggesting telling the school so that they can speak with the Mum.

They’re saying tell the school so they can address the bullying.

100% this!

Regardless of what we might personally think of such videos, people on here are essentially suggesting that the mum censor her TikTok content so that it can't be seen by those who shouldn't be on the social media platform anyway! This is precisely what age restrictions are for.

What's more, those same children are then bullying the woman's daughter because of it. Are we seriously saying that this mum is to blame for the fact these kids are bullies? Erm... 🤔

I would forget the why, it’s not your business to judge but I would tell her that her daughter is being bullied.
The bullying needs to be addressed.

Are we seriously saying that this mum is to blame for the fact these kids are bullies? Erm... 🤔

Erm no.

These kids are bullies.

And they've found something to bully her about.

I’d send an anonymous note - not for her sake but for her DD’s and tell her to have a conversation with her daughter about this. Then hopefully it won’t continue into secondary school - when things can get a LOT meaner.

Im not sure. To suggest the woman should censor her content would feel very wrong, and not the direction I would like our world to be going in. People should be able to present themselves as they wish, so long as no harm is being caused. Which is where I become stuck, if the daughter is being harmed. Could the teacher be approached, and introduce a session at school re respect, incl. online?

The thing is, people get to choose what they respect. And not everyone is going to respect someone dancing around in a bikini on tik tok. Much as we might insist they do.

Exactly this.

Her actions are having an impact and she needs to address this.
The bullying the child is experiencing needs to stop.

And the poor kid probably wants people to not be laughing at her Mum.

Probably hurt and embarrassed.

Tell the mom.

Surely the big issue is 11 year olds on TikTok and bullying another 11 year old. It seems a bit rich yo blame this on the mum. Though if she were aware, she may lock down her account more. The issue is the bullying - if not over this, it would be over something else. I would flag to the school that there is bullying and inappropriate access to social media during school hours.

This.

Thanks for sharing. This seems like a sensitive issue that needs care and sensitivity in return.

bullying is never ok and there is no excuse for it. People shouldn’t have to change themselves to avoid bullying, they need to be taught that this behaviour to poke/ shame or abuse others is never ok. It’s not ok that this poor girl is being bullied and she needs support. It good your DD has her side and it will help hugely if you can also support her and maybe her mum too if that feels comfortable for you.

I’m a survivor of sorts and had to go through a lot of victim blaming when I was younger as socially it’s easier to bully the victim than it is to acknowledge the trauma that has resulted from abuse where the abuser is not being held to account. the blaming caused me a lot of stress and prolonged problems (ptsd- dysregulated nervous system) that would have healed a lot quicker if people had paused to think before saying hurtful things and inevitably taking the side of the abuser while saying them. Actually bullying on top of trauma can cause things like eating disorders- luckily for me I always liked food. But I’m still working out trust issues.

if you care deeply about this, do what you need to do to support this woman properly and be loyal to her as she works it out- don’t tell her this or tell her that like it’s her fault. Otherwise leave it - and take your daughter out for ice cream and kudos for being awesome.

how stressful that all the kids are watching TikTok these days. kudos to you for your perseverance ❤️

Blimey my daughter would just come straight out and tell me to delete her friends and change my settings to private.
not that I’d EVER post sexy videos let alone for kids to see… somewhat inappropriate!!
Sadly you can’t control what other parents let their their kids do, or what the kids do behind their parents back!… wait till they’re at seniors!!… my daughter is year 7 now and some kids in her year are vaping already!!!

Obviously. What I mean is, the mum hasn't 'caused' it. Kids just shouldn't be bullies. That's what needs addressing here.

I think baring on mine this is your dd friend, you want to help your dd help her friend and obviously have the best interest at heart.

however I’ve learnt from experience to just not get involved. Unless it the teasing becomes vicious then like others have said mention it to the school but as someone else has said it’s near the end of term and hopefully the other mums dd will be left alone.

its such a hard battle with social media and the kids these days.

The girls are bullying her because they are bullies.

If any parents need speaking to, it’s the parents of those girls. I’d be gutted if my daughter bullied another child because of something her parents do. Because of something she can do absolutely nothing about.

@Covermeinsunshine true. BUT her DD must be embarrassed how would you feel? I don't know why you and others keep making out it's acceptable it's not acceptable it's OK to state that.

Acceptable or not - Mum needs to know what's going on.

Tbh this child will never escape her mum's escapades on TikTok.
It's there for ever. Just like Lawrence Foxes kids will always have his online rants etc

These people aren't thinking about their kids feelings when they press record. But heigh ho.

I feel like we live in a very different society than the one I grew up in. My kids have friends whose parents have declared a different sexuality. One boys Dad turns up in a dress sometimes… but in male clothes others.

Brands like Calvin Klein using obese models to sell underwear… tag line ‘I speak my truth in my Calvins’. But apparently a woman can’t wear a bikini and be proud of her body post eating disorder.

At some point we need to stop dictating what is okay and what is not. What is worthy of condemnation and abuse and what is not.

The rule in our family, is that we don’t comment on circumstance or physical appearance. They have nothing to do with a persons character and we have no business judging them on it.

The woman isn’t doing anything criminal. Stop giving kids permission to be bully’s.

But apparently a woman can’t wear a bikini and be proud of her body post eating disorder.

Of course she can. That's not at issue.

But I don't agree that it's just cool to post stuff where anybody can see it, invading your family's privacy.

My kids wouldn't like me, identifiably online, regardless. And it wouldn't have to contain anything like sexual innuendo.

In posters haste to confirm a women's right to be whatever she wants, they seem to be ignoring this kids need for privacy.

The bullying is undeniably the problem to be addressed here.

This mum can do what she wants but I doubt her child enjoys it being public.