AIBU for not wanting dad to take baby away

[Mama6x]

My baby is 6 months old, breastfed and she's had a very difficult time we almost lost her at birth due to group b strep, seizures, sepsis and a stroke. My partner wants to take her away to go and stay with his Mums almost 2hrs away for about 4 days. I've said I am not ready to be apart from her yet and plus we are still breastfeeding. He told me I can just pump and he will give her formula. She's very attached to me needless to say and I am to her as I nearly lost her and suffered with PND which made me incredibly protective of her. I am still battling PND and I cannot imagine being apart from her. My partner has told me I am being selfish and unfair that I won't let him take baby to his Mums for days. I suggested he go and pick his mum up and she's welcome to stay here for a few days but he said no she won't want to do that. I tried to explain we are still breastfeeding, she won't want to be apart from me and it's not fair to dictate to me when I have to be away from my baby. He said she's 6 months old she's plenty old enough to be away from me and whether I like it or not he's taking her. I will do everything in my power to stop him taking her as I am NOT ready and I won't be for a while. We have a 2 year old son and he forced me to be apart from him before I was ready and took him to his Mums for 10 days it was the hardest 10 days of my life! I am not prepared to go through it again. I don't think I'm being unfair? Am I? I don't think my baby would want to be away from her mama yet as I am her main source of comfort, she only settles for me! He says I'm dictating and controlling what he does with her but if anything he's dictating to me because he says I don't have a choice and he WILL be taking her whether I'm ready or not. I feel so sad and I can't fathom being apart from her yet!

I realise that it may not be practical at this moment but you need to leave this abusive relationship.

Please seek support local to try and access services of support. No six month old needs to be away from their mother.

It is a completely different if you wanted an overnight away and had planned it yourself.

Absolutely fucking not.

Don’t have any more children with this knob.

He’s an idiot. Your poor little baby will have no idea that you will ever return. She will be distraught.

This. I’m not sure what line the police would take on this but I think the HV should be alerted. This is an appalling threat.

This. Put your baby in a sling and keep her close. Make it clear that you and baby are not ready to be apart and that it is non-negotiable.

Your husband is a bully.

He knows you've got PND, almost lost your little baby to serious health problems and STILL wants to pressure you. You are breastfeeding and don't feel like travelling anywhere for 4 nights. This is normal and fine. His DM can get on a train and he can taker her home that day, maybe he can just stay there as he sounds like a man child type.

Not a chance. I’d literally fight someone with weapons if they tried to take my baby from me. He’s being utterly awful.

Tell him he can bloody well go to his mothers ALONE and stay there!

Bloody hell I can't believe this. Your baby doesn't give a shit about visiting anyone! You are your baby's whole world and he needs you. Don't let this happen. He is a vile man and I hope you end the relationship.

Do you have any local charities that can support you?

This. Absolutely this.

Thank you all for your comments they have helped me feel very validated and reassured. Some were quite hard to read as I'd never considered this an abusive relationship until reading the comments. He told me I have until he buys his new car to "make myself be ready" to be apart from her as he will be taking her whether I like it or not as "he is her dad and can take her if he wants to" and also I'm being incredibly unfair and selfish to his mum. I'll be contacting my health visitor in the morning to alert her and seek more advice. I just want to cry. I can't be away from her yet

He knows this is deeply distressing to you and he likes the way it makes him feel. That’s his happy place.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read he took your baby against your will for ten days and has given you an ultimatum to do it again.
That's just sick.
Where is his care for the baby, how exactly will this be any good for her at all.
Why can't his mum and baby see each other without the brutal cleft being forced between baby and mum.
A vulnerable baby (who has already had so much to contend with) knows with every fibre if her being that mum is safety and not having that is stressful for baby!!
You really really need to reconsider this relationship, he seems to have no regard for the emotional well being of his DC at all, or you! How on earth does he expect his DC and wife to thrive in the face of cold hearted threats and complete disrespect and disregard!

He sounds very controlling. Is he abusive in other ways as well? Or just a total arsehole?

This has made me feel sick.

You are married to a cold cruel unfeeling man. This is all about control. He does not care about you or your children together. His mum is also disgusting for going along with it.

Do you have friends/family who can support you? You really need to leave this horrible man.

Awful man. He is controlling and he doesn't have his child's best interest in mind.

He sounds a right see you next Tuesday. I am so sorry he is pressuring you like this. As others have pointed out, this is abuse. It does not have to be physical to be abuse. He also does not have the best interests of his children in mind either.

I wouldn't have like to be away from either of mine that age. It would have been horrible for both of us. so YANBU there.

But the more pressing thing is your husband sounds absolutely awful. I would leave with that type of attitude. Does he control you in other areas of your relationship too?

I’m sorry. He’s not a good one. There is absolutely no consideration for how this would affect you or the baby!!

This is controlling/ abusive. You would be better off without him. YANBU he doesn’t care how you or baby would feel.

Unfortunately you are in a terrible relationship with a horrible person. I would recommend leaving as things will get worse not better.

This!!! He sounds like a total asshole.

Call womens aid for some advice about how you can leave him; he sounds abusive and nasty

No. Absolutely not.

Tell him you don’t care if he thinks you’re selfish, since you know you’re 100% justified in your position, because you’re (literally) the only one prioritising your breastfed infant’s needs.

I don’t understand what sort of woman insists on this happening - he’s a monster, but what the hell is wrong with his mother?

This absolutely is an abusive relationship. And it pains me to say it, but as you’ve recently given birth and that necessitates intimacy, I struggle to imagine that was entirely consensual on your part. You do not have to respond to that; I just cannot in a million years envisage willingly engaging in relations with a monster like this.

Do you have friends and family you can call on?

I probably wouldn't challenge a man who threatened a newborn baby's chance of survival. Your baby is breastfed and shouldn't be separated for more than 4 hours let alone 4 days.
Your MIL is complicit in this abuse.
I would pack and leave in the morning, together with your other children and stay else where.
I would tell the school that children can only be collected by you and I would take my baby and stay somewhere else, even swinging by the H/V to tell them that this man threatened to separate your baby from their food and emotional comfort.
Once safe I would tell your DH to leave the family home. This man does not want you to have a good relationship with your baby and could be the trigger of your PND.