Am I too selfish wanting to restart my entire life and forget about the family I made and have?

[Justhereandthere]

I'm in a tricky relationship with my husband of 14 years. (Got married at 17 and wasn't by choice). We have 3 children (10m 5f(twins) )

Things aren't looking good and we just can't get along. I cant break up with him I won't cope alone with the twins. For now he helps clean the house he takes the children to school while I work as a teacher.

Iv been really down and depressed and there really isn't a way out ( I have thought of all the possibilities) I'm now tempted to leave my husband and children and start fresh. Move out of London start a new job and restart my life. I know its selfish but I can't live like this. I know it makes me a horrible mum but I have been happy for years. I just want to be free. Am I a monster? And has anyone ever actually left and started their life again?

You can't just start your life again. You will be wracked will guilt over the children you have left.

It will eat you up every day.

Don't do it to yourself or your children you all deserve better than that.

If you need to separate from DH concentrate in that not leaving your children.

OP, can you see your GP, or even see somebody at A&E as soon as possible? It sounds like you need to talk to somebody now.

It's a 10 year old male child. Not 10 months old child

I think you will deeply regret it if you do. It will get easier in a few years and you’ll enjoy them more rather than just being stressed out x

Is there an age where it she's ok to think of it ?

Heavy judgement of the OP on this thread for daring to consider something that men do all the time

And I judge them very harshly too

Just take a short moment to ponder what “got married at 17 and not by choice” might mean and stop being so self righteous.

Why do you think you can't cope with your twins without your husband?
If you want to leave your husband then you should. You should decide together what is best for the children on who is resident parent. But you absolutely should not just abandon your children. No parent should ever do that

Exactly!

please don’t listen OP, no judgement here. I just think it won’t make you happy - or anyone happy, including your children. I think people who would judge have no idea what it’s like to be so miserable you would consider something like this.

Yes, because if a man was saying this he'd get the same judgement

Noup

The children are 10 years old and 5yo twins, not 10 months. Just to clarify.

I think if you are truly deeply unhappy and want to make a clean fresh start then yes do it, especially if you think you will be happier in yourself and in a stable environment.

From your comment about the marriage not being by choice I’m presuming it was an arranged marriage? If so then yes, get out and make that life that you want to live. Sometimes you must look after yourself before you can look after others.

I know there are children involved but as long as you make sure they’ll be ok with their father you must do what is right for yourself, restarting your life will be a huge challenge and don’t expect it to be easy but if it’s going to keep you sane and healthy then absolutely go for it.

How long have you been feeling like this op? Since your youngest was born? Could this be post partum depression x

Sometimes there is absolutely no choice to refuse.

Also, it’s very possible that you will feel able to cope with the 5 year olds were you not unhappy in a bad marriage

And men do this all the time

Would shared 50/50 feel more doable?

Well we’re not men !