To not like my DH physique anymore

[ShallowAsF]

It hasn't changed since we met so the issue is all mine. He has unusual body shape proportions, which I won't describe here in case it's outing, but I think they are very noticeable.
My issue is I have become obsessed..... I wonder what was I thinking when we got together, why I suppressed my true feelings about his body shape (telling myself at the time it was shallow, and to focus on other more important elements- like personality)... I compare his body shape constantly to others (unfavourably). I wonder if other people notice what I do and judge him and if I'm honest, me. I can see that my children have possibly inherited the same body shape from him, and I'm constantly scanning their peers for evidence that my children have this unusual body shape too, that they are different from peers. I worry that they will be judged somehow, that they will find teen years difficult if others notice and point it out.

This is not normal is it. I'm definitely being unreasonable. No one has ever commented on DH body shape to me. My DH does not have a problem with how he looks whatsoever . It's not a health issue - purely bone structure and proportions. The issue is all me. I've turned judgy and shallow and am probably projecting my feelings onto others.

I don't know what I'm expecting from Mumsnet. Maybe just somewhere to vent as I'm not going to talk about this in real life. It's exhausting, shallow and I'm a bitch.

The Dahl quote (it is not Disney!) means that ugly people do not appear ugly if they are nice. It means that nice ugly people look beautiful. It's the opposite of the Disney idea that beautiful=good, ugly=bad.

I think the Dahl quote is very problematic, though for other reasons, see above, so we both hate it :)

No, you have missed my point. You can't see a person's personality.

@Daisydumplings88

A genorous, kind hearted person's face will beam and show in the sparkle of their eyes no matter what their age, beauty, or whatever.

Generous, kind hearted people can also be depressed, which could mean their faces don’t beam and their eyes don’t sparkle, but they’re still generous and kind hearted.

Oh for the love of god, why do I ever post on here. I know it’s not Disney!
Tell me how that quote is relevant to this thread then, a thread about physical appearance only?

Is he very tall or very small?

Why do you keep mentioning Disney, then?
The poster quoted Dahl to say that even if her dp is technically ugly, his personality will shine through magically and he won't be judged as ugly.
(This too is bollocks.)

Sorry, OP, this thread should really be about your mental health.
Please do have a chat to your GP. Or start a thread about your mental health 🌸

'Look them up'... how patronising.

Clearly you know best.

Oh wise one.

I suspect the Dahl quote is only ever quoted by people who have never been called or thought of themselves as ugly. If you actually are conventionally unattractive, the Dahl quote robs you of the only consolation you have (at least you’re a nice person!), because if you were a nice person then your lovely thoughts would shine out of your face and everyone would think you were beautiful.

EXACTLY @carduelis !!!!

I’ve already said why, but to repeat, because posting it on this thread, a thread purely about how someone looks physically, implies that you ARE making a link between how attractive someone is = how nice they are, which IS the message Disney have always pushed.

He might be a nice guy, but if he had a fucking huge nose and buck teeth for example, it isn’t going to make his nose any smaller or act as a brace, and women are allowed to find those features unattractive, because just like men, we have eyes in our head and our own sexuality.

You asked how we decide how attractive someone is, what do you want me to say? There’s studies on this freely available for you to view if you’re interested. It’s not patronising, it’s just a fact 🤷‍♀️

No, you can't can you? Keep playing with your Barbies, you can see them but not their personalies.😂

Yes, and WE FUCKING HATE IT, so let's not do the same in reverse!

@Daisydumplings88 And you are nice?

I am intelligent. I cannot see the air, so it is not there😂

😂😂😂😂

I think it's probably about more than the body OP. I wasn't hugely attracted to my Hs body shape when we first met - but I did really really love him personality wise, intellect wise etc - add on 20 years and I found out he had been a bit of a disloyal shit to me at one point many years ago and suddenly my brain went into overdrive about not actually fancying him that much either anymore - even though in all honesty he's not a bad looking guy for his late 50s. I hadn't actually thought about that aspect for years. .I suspect for you this is about more than just his barrel chest or skinny legs or fat arse etc and something else has triggered these thoughts.

It's a shame you are unable to have a discussion with someone who has a different view to you without mocking them.

We all think the people we love are beautiful, right? That is one way of interpreting Dahl’s quote (the way he no doubt intended us to interpret it). But if you see someone just walking down the street and you know nothing at all about them - can you still see whether that person has lovely thoughts or not?

Good explanation!

On another note - Be aware of "niceness" too because fake niceness is dangerous if it has an ulterior motive.
Kindness is the best of human nature (love, caring, generous, forgiving, considerate....). A person's kindness shows in their actions and not just words.

@Daisydumplings88 If you think that’s a good explanation then surely you can see the point @80s is making, because we are essentially saying the same thing…?

Unless he has 6 legs and two heads I'm sure it wouldnt be outing to give a little more info 🤷‍♀️

hard to comment without further details but i'd urge anyone who has feelings like this about a man to act on them preferably a long time before conceiving the first child together.

I think you don’t like him anymore and looking at ways to get rid of him, just leave the guy if your not happy .

Exactly this. I’ve surprised myself over time with who I have ended up dating and probably didn’t conform to my ‘usual’ physical type. It was because I loved the very bones of them and the packaging was just that, packaging. Believe me I have dated some hot sausages too, but when they’ve acted like a pig it’s surprising how quickly you can go off ‘conventionally attractive”. Sounds like there are deeper rooted issues and might be best to focus on those. I wish you luck, it’s hard suddenly having a wake up call.