To not like my DH physique anymore

[ShallowAsF]

It hasn't changed since we met so the issue is all mine. He has unusual body shape proportions, which I won't describe here in case it's outing, but I think they are very noticeable.
My issue is I have become obsessed..... I wonder what was I thinking when we got together, why I suppressed my true feelings about his body shape (telling myself at the time it was shallow, and to focus on other more important elements- like personality)... I compare his body shape constantly to others (unfavourably). I wonder if other people notice what I do and judge him and if I'm honest, me. I can see that my children have possibly inherited the same body shape from him, and I'm constantly scanning their peers for evidence that my children have this unusual body shape too, that they are different from peers. I worry that they will be judged somehow, that they will find teen years difficult if others notice and point it out.

This is not normal is it. I'm definitely being unreasonable. No one has ever commented on DH body shape to me. My DH does not have a problem with how he looks whatsoever . It's not a health issue - purely bone structure and proportions. The issue is all me. I've turned judgy and shallow and am probably projecting my feelings onto others.

I don't know what I'm expecting from Mumsnet. Maybe just somewhere to vent as I'm not going to talk about this in real life. It's exhausting, shallow and I'm a bitch.

Did Disney teach you that?! Absolutely rubbish.

My husband is a bit of a funny shape. Imo of course. I must admit I found it a bit strange when I met him, I'm not going to describe it because it will sound awful but he's just not in proportion, clothes never fit him properly.

But do you know what, we are all different shapes and sizes. When you start noticing and looking at people enough people are all sorts of funny shapes. A few have the perfect physique but most of us don't.

Of course you can't really help it if you've gone off someone.

I can understand what BranchGold means. Just because a person appears to be "beautiful", "pretty" , their personalities show in their face. Mean girls, look mean, then smile- so evil! We can see it, fools cannot see it.
A genorous, kind hearted person's face will beam and show in the sparkle of their eyes no matter what their age, beauty, or whatever. We can tell, fools wouldn't see it. Not Disney as you say Naunet, but common sense, human nature shines way above the Barbie image. Look at the Doctors, consultants, scientists, charity workers - their good deeds do show through their faces, they don't need a "beauty" mask to prove themselves. A lovely personality, a lovely person to everyone.

Yes just imagine…oh wait, we don’t need to because we see men discussing women’s bodies ALL THE FUCKING TIME. 🙄

Also the fact that you're comparing your children to others seems a bit extreme.

Again, children are all shapes and sizes, does it really matter?

What if he was tired? MN can be so centaurist...

@TheBeesKnee

Were you on contraception when you met him and have now gone off it, by any chance?

Interested in this question - is this common?

To be fair the thread did turn into a book club halfway through.

I think it’s not about the looks, they are secondary. It’s something deeper and when you start to go off someone for a more substantial reason (they mistreat you, start acting in unpleasant ways, etc.) then it’s very easy to start to dislike the outer package that the person comes in.

@Daisydumplings88

Look at the Doctors, consultants, scientists, charity workers - their good deeds do show through their faces

Whilst I get what you’re saying do agree mean people often look mean despite good looks, this is a very selective list of jobs. You can tell kind people in any walk of life, from cleaners to shop staff to manual workers.

And there have been plenty of evil doctors and nurses and scientists and charity workers.

Dr Shipman the GP, Lucy Letby the nurse, Josef Mengele the Nazi scientist and the Oxfam charity worker Roland van Hauwermeiren spring to mind.

😂😂😂

Unfortunately, there a lot of shallow men. Our we to blame for bringing our sons up like that? Or is the media newspapers like the trash DM Daily Mail grooming us all to be so shallow?🤔 Thank fuck we got rid of the Miss world cattle shows and moved on. Still goes on though, DM and movies encourage female beauty to be highly competitiveness.

Of course they do What a nasty, judgemental and shallow way of judging people. You’re pushing the idea that beautiful people are pure and kind and unattractive people are bad, don’t you see how disgusting that attitude is? It’s also laughably incorrect, what you look like comes from your DNA, it’s not a reflection of your personality. Do kind friendly people come across as warm and likeable? Of course they do, but it’s got nothing to do with how pretty/handsome they are or aren’t. Or did you think Ghandi was drop dead gorgeous?

There is no way any body shape is outing!

I think you've missed the point @Naunet

Or did you think Ghandi was drop dead gorgeous

The question is 'what does drop dead gorgeous' mean.

Yes that's the gist of it.

I didn't remember that Dahl quote when reading the Twits, but it's obvious what the general message is (kindness being a common theme in all his books).

To add to this, you’re also implying we should all be able to spot a rapist or murderer or abuser on sight, because they’re ugly. Do you realise that?

Lol, yes we agree .. btw if most old men dressed like Ghandi, they would look the same. There are many women who think Boris is drop dead gorgeous...look at the women he has claimed and loads of children.

So basically - especially if you're ugly - you have to prove you're not horrible by going round spreading happiness everywhere. You'd better not be anxious and unable to make eye contact. You'd better not be learning English and not yet able to chat pleasantly to your neighbour. You'd better not be grumpy to someone on the bus after a long day at work. That would automatically qualify you for Mean Girl status, which is permanent.

We’re talking about physical appearance, not personality and it’s ridiculous to claim someone’s personality impacts their facial features. There’s been many studies into physical beauty and what humans find attractive, look them up.

Naunet, you did not understand the Roald Dahl quote. You think it means the opposite of what it means.

This is so simplistic though. As a PP put it very articulately earlier, beauty is in the eye of the beholder not the face of the beholdee. I know someone who works for a charity (therefore probably a Good Person) who has friends who think she’s lovely. However, she’s been pretty unpleasant to me. Do her lovely thoughts shine out of her face like sunbeams? I can’t see them - but others presumably can.

You have missed the point. A person's personality shines and shows regardless of their looks.

What you deem as "ugly" is how we are all led to think by the system. So an "ugly" person to you has to try to be good or else they will look mean, is ridiculous!. A mean girl doesnt have to do anything but flutter her eyelashes at you. That is the plastic fantastic media world we live in. Celebrities eat your heart out!

Is he the Hunchback of Notre Dame?🧐

No I understand the quote, I’m saying it’s irrelevant to physical features, which is what this thread is about. Posting it on this thread implies there’s a link between ugly = bad and good = attractive, which is an unhealthy message Disney have long pushed.

😆