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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
Stravaig · 10/07/2023 07:10

You've just had a healthy baby, how many more gifts do you want?!

We really need to license for parenthood.

Happyfluffball · 10/07/2023 07:13

To be honest when I visit a friend with a new born I already feel like I'm doing them a favour by coming over. New parents are no fun, they're tired and are distracted.

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 07:13

The responses that this new mother is getting for asking if her friend was rude not to being a gift for her baby are uncomfortable to read.

So far this new mother has been called grabby, a cow, a c*nt, entitled, rude, when maybe all she needs is a simple 'yes it is normal to bring presents when meeting a baby, but it shouldn't really be expected. Instead enjoy time with your friend and don't get hung up on the gift thing'.

This can be said without some of the seething vitriol that I have seen. Op doesn't deserve this backlash at all. She hasn't killed anyone! This thread is absolutely horrible! What are you all getting out of this?

Gettingbysomehow · 10/07/2023 07:14

I always get a gift for newborns. Even if it's only a small one. It's thoughtful especially if it's a friend. It's such a special event and it doesn't have to be expensive. I'd be a bit put out if a friend couldn't even be bothered with a card.

Happyfluffball · 10/07/2023 07:15

OP sounds like an entitled freeloader. I do bring a gift, but I don't really enjoy meeting new borns at all. If I knew my friend was expecting a gift and felt like she was doing me a favour by letting me meet her new born I wouldn't bother visiting.

Fairyliz · 10/07/2023 07:18

Have the three wise men not arrived with their gifts yet?
This is what happens when you swop a camel for an electric car, can’t find a charging point.

Jellywobblescobbles · 10/07/2023 07:18

Ah you expect. Lower your expectations and you’ll be a lot happier in life.

VisionsOfSplendour · 10/07/2023 07:19

Is "meeting the new born" a new stage of parenting? It wasn't a thing when my children were babies, I'm going to have to keep clear of anything that might be that in case I commit some kind of faux pas by accident

Stravaig · 10/07/2023 07:19

@Fairyliz 😍🤣

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 07:21

VisionsOfSplendour · 10/07/2023 07:19

Is "meeting the new born" a new stage of parenting? It wasn't a thing when my children were babies, I'm going to have to keep clear of anything that might be that in case I commit some kind of faux pas by accident

Hardly a new concept to bring a gift for a baby!

VisionsOfSplendour · 10/07/2023 07:22

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 07:21

Hardly a new concept to bring a gift for a baby!

Show quote history

Totally not what my question was but OK

StormInaDcup99 · 10/07/2023 07:23

I'm actually mainly with the OP on this one. (However the post did come across as slightly insensitive)

I live in Ireland and you would never go to see a friend's new baby without taking a gift, even a small one. It would be seen as quite rude not to take something

Where are located OP?

Rewis · 10/07/2023 07:25

Yes I take a gift. Yes I do think it's the done thing. However, indont think it's rude not to bring one or should be expected. I can see it being expected at a babyshower or christening or another "event" but not at a casual meet up.

Coronationstation · 10/07/2023 07:25

i would do what you do, but YABVU to expect gifts from anyone on any occasion.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 10/07/2023 07:26

Your head is really so far up your own arse. People like this annoy me. Did you have a baby shower to get gifts? Having a Christening? Any excuse to extract gifts out of people? You sound the type.

GoodChat · 10/07/2023 07:28

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 10/07/2023 07:26

Your head is really so far up your own arse. People like this annoy me. Did you have a baby shower to get gifts? Having a Christening? Any excuse to extract gifts out of people? You sound the type.

She already said she didn't have a baby shower. If you're going to berate one at least read the facts first.

ChubbyMorticia · 10/07/2023 07:29

I find expecting gifts to be a strange mindset.

Meeting · 10/07/2023 07:30

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 10/07/2023 07:26

Your head is really so far up your own arse. People like this annoy me. Did you have a baby shower to get gifts? Having a Christening? Any excuse to extract gifts out of people? You sound the type.

And people like you really annoy me. OP already said she didn't have a baby shower.

You think people have a christening just to get gifts? It's one of the most significant days in a religious person's life and it's fuck all to do with gifts.

crostini · 10/07/2023 07:30

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't!
My best and oldest friend just had her first and I didn't get her a gift. But we've spent lots of time together, getting out and about with the babies, and talking about motherhood etc.

35965a · 10/07/2023 07:31

Newphony · 10/07/2023 07:03

The answers on here are not representative of real life.
Of course it is rude!

I agree

35965a · 10/07/2023 07:31

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 07:13

The responses that this new mother is getting for asking if her friend was rude not to being a gift for her baby are uncomfortable to read.

So far this new mother has been called grabby, a cow, a c*nt, entitled, rude, when maybe all she needs is a simple 'yes it is normal to bring presents when meeting a baby, but it shouldn't really be expected. Instead enjoy time with your friend and don't get hung up on the gift thing'.

This can be said without some of the seething vitriol that I have seen. Op doesn't deserve this backlash at all. She hasn't killed anyone! This thread is absolutely horrible! What are you all getting out of this?

agreed, some of the replies are disgusting.

ThatFraggle · 10/07/2023 07:31

There have been times when I haven't had a spare £5. In that case I would hope a card and visit/call would be enough.

I'd rather spend the petrol money/bus/train fare to see you than add to a pile of babygrows that you can't remember who they are from and get worn once, because you have received 28 newborn babygrows but DC will only be that size for two weeks.

OP sounds the type to be offended by getting a 6-9 month babygrow as a newborn gift.

Jellywobblescobbles · 10/07/2023 07:32

ChubbyMorticia · 10/07/2023 07:29

I find expecting gifts to be a strange mindset.

Yes. Expecting anything in general is not wise imo.

FiddleLeaf · 10/07/2023 07:32

YABU - Who wants clutter and stuff with a newborn anyway?

Normally I turn up with some snacks & fizz for the new mum but I don’t think it should be expected.

mastertomsmum · 10/07/2023 07:33

Only have one DC and he was a much longed for early arrival. Lots of people visited us. Some came with cake or flowers or gifts for me/us. Most came with something for the baby. I don’t specifically recall anyone coming with nothing so I guess it’s fairly unusual

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