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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/07/2023 06:10

She doesn't owe you a gift. Just because those are your expectations doesn't mean they are hers.

whiteroseredrose · 10/07/2023 06:10

YANBU. However things have possibly changed since my generation.

I wouldn't dream of actually going to visit a baby for the first time without taking a small gift.

Then equally I would never buy a gift for a baby before it was safely born.

But then people have baby showers nowadays so the emphasis has changed.

QuizzlyBears · 10/07/2023 06:12

Congratulations on your baby. But remember that, they are your baby and the centre of YOUR world, not anyone else’s. Remembering that will help you keep the entitlement in check.

noglow · 10/07/2023 06:13

What like the three wise men?!

You're being silly. Just enjoy your baby, don't focus on the things. Focus on the baby.

Perfect28 · 10/07/2023 06:15

Never expect gifts.

AuntieMarys · 10/07/2023 06:18

Dh recently had a grandchild. We didn't take a gift when we saw him.

Straightsidedcircle · 10/07/2023 06:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RedHelenB · 10/07/2023 06:21

HerRoyalNotness · 10/07/2023 01:13

Y’a know, I had a ‘friend’ drop in with a gift to visit me and newborn. Except she said after not very long oh I have to go I’m meeting mutual friend for lunch. She wasn’t coming to see me at all, I was an afterthought. She must have thought it sounded rude and said you can come if you like. Me, recovering from CS, with a newborn. So I’d rather a genuine friend drop in with nothing than that.

You sound ungrateful. Should she put her social life on hold just because you've had a baby? Mumsnet is barking, how a reasonable social visit is suddenly unreasonable.

RoseLarkin · 10/07/2023 06:25

No I would absolutely not expect a gift.

Bodybop · 10/07/2023 06:26

I only have babies for the gifts.

noglow · 10/07/2023 06:26

Anyway to answer your question OP, yes I do usually bring a gift for mum if I haven't already sent one. But it shouldn't be expected. She came to see you - did you have a nice catch up? It can be lonely on maternity leave sometimes if all your friends are out and about in evenings etc.

I'd be grateful that she came to see you. What with cost of living etc people are having to cut back and she might have assumed you'd have had gifts already or not known what to get you. The baby shower comment might have been taken as you saying you didn't want gifts. Who knows. I'd just be happy you had a visitor and as I said, don't focus on the things, focus on your baby.

isthisit83 · 10/07/2023 06:30

I probably wouldn't post about it on Mumsnet as everyone will tell you that you are grabby but yes it is really strange they didn't bring a gift. Or even a card or flowers. It's a social custom ffs. Personally, I wouldn't be particularly upset about it but I would think it was weird. I wouldn't dream of turning up without some kind of gift. In fact, I've put off meeting a friends newborn recently as I hadn't sorted a gift yet.

Noicant · 10/07/2023 06:30

Not many people outside your immediate family are interested in your new born. She was probably just doing it to be polite.

moneymatr · 10/07/2023 06:31

Gifts are fairly traditional either at a baby shower or once born but I wouldn't be offended

GotMooMilk · 10/07/2023 06:31

HerRoyalNotness · 10/07/2023 01:13

Y’a know, I had a ‘friend’ drop in with a gift to visit me and newborn. Except she said after not very long oh I have to go I’m meeting mutual friend for lunch. She wasn’t coming to see me at all, I was an afterthought. She must have thought it sounded rude and said you can come if you like. Me, recovering from CS, with a newborn. So I’d rather a genuine friend drop in with nothing than that.

This is just silly. She was probably meeting the friend, knew you were nearby and thought she’d pop in with a gift and a quick visit (as we are always being told we should do with new mums).
OP don’t be so precious or motherhood is going to be unbearable. I’d bring a gift but I wouldn’t be bothered if someone didn’t especially if you’re one the first to have a baby people don’t always realise the social norms.
You’re probably tired and hormonal don’t take it as a personal slight. We got given some frankly bizarre presents when we had DC1! All of which I’m grateful for but really wouldn’t have missed…

Mybusyday · 10/07/2023 06:33

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/07/2023 01:03

I think it's far more rude to expect a gift simply because you had a baby.

Absolutely!

35965a · 10/07/2023 06:34

I would always take a gift. I can’t remember if everyone did when mine were newborns but there’s no way I wouldn’t get a card and small gift for the mum/baby.

AdrianeMole · 10/07/2023 06:51

I would never drop in on a newborn baby and mum without a gift so no you are not being unreasonable.

JenWillsiam · 10/07/2023 06:52

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

You really only LET people meet your child because you want gifts? Please tell people this so they know how utterly materialist you are.

Glittertwins · 10/07/2023 06:53

Umm, you might not have any friends, permitted or not, left soon with this kind of thinking!

mumofboys8787 · 10/07/2023 06:57

GRABBY

Newphony · 10/07/2023 07:03

The answers on here are not representative of real life.
Of course it is rude!

GoodChat · 10/07/2023 07:04

I would take a gift but I would never expect one.

My children are privileged to have my best friend in their lives. She loves them as much as, if not more than, her own nieces and nephews. Her presence is a huge gift in our lives.

Meeting · 10/07/2023 07:07

OP people of AIBU are vicious. Normal people always take a gift when they go to meet a newborn/congratulate the new mother. A card at least.

Meeting · 10/07/2023 07:08

Newphony · 10/07/2023 07:03

The answers on here are not representative of real life.
Of course it is rude!

Absolutely and I'm finding this more and more often on here.

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