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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
bladebladebla1 · 10/07/2023 07:35

This is funny

ThatFraggle · 10/07/2023 07:35

mastertomsmum · 10/07/2023 07:33

Only have one DC and he was a much longed for early arrival. Lots of people visited us. Some came with cake or flowers or gifts for me/us. Most came with something for the baby. I don’t specifically recall anyone coming with nothing so I guess it’s fairly unusual

OP probably doesn't count flowers as a gift.

Cakeorchocolate · 10/07/2023 07:36

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

But you think you have an automatic right to a gift for your child?

She's your friend, she was probably more interested in seeing you than the baby.
I think lots of people that visit to "see the baby" are being polite. Other people's newborns aren't exactly interesting.

Gifts for anything in life are nice but should never be expected, regardless of the day or occasion.

Letsgotitans · 10/07/2023 07:36

I don't mean to be dramatic but having just lost a friend, it really hits home that people being there means a million times more than presents. Do I care that she didn't get my son a gift? Or does it mean so much more to me that my son had the privilege of meeting her, her making him giggle and smile? I will forever treasure the memories of him being with her.

MayMi · 10/07/2023 07:38

It is polite to give someone a gift when they have a celebratory life event, such as a birthday, wedding, new baby etc. Especially if you're close enough with someone that you'll bother to meet up with them while you have a newborn.

Not everyone does celebrate these things in this way though, so while it's not unreasonable to at maybe half-expect a gift, bear in mind it's not that bad if they choose not to.

It seems people are very generous with insults though 🤷🏼‍♀️

xyz111 · 10/07/2023 07:39

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

You don't have a automatic right to receive gifts either!

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 10/07/2023 07:39

I'd have brought you something, but then I'm a great buyer of gifts for babies so perhaps I'm being unreasonable 🤷‍♀️. And I'd have bought flowers for you 💐. Congrats on your baby!

rwalker · 10/07/2023 07:43

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

And not everyone is interested in your newborn
she probably went along with it just to be polite and felt obliged

Cakeorchocolate · 10/07/2023 07:45

HerRoyalNotness · 10/07/2023 01:13

Y’a know, I had a ‘friend’ drop in with a gift to visit me and newborn. Except she said after not very long oh I have to go I’m meeting mutual friend for lunch. She wasn’t coming to see me at all, I was an afterthought. She must have thought it sounded rude and said you can come if you like. Me, recovering from CS, with a newborn. So I’d rather a genuine friend drop in with nothing than that.

They came with a gift that doesn't sound like an after thought it just sounds like they tied a visit in with other plans, which seems perfectly normal. And like they'd given themselves an excuse to leave so they didn't have to stay too long, which could have been intended for yours or their benefit or both.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 10/07/2023 07:55

Any thread started between 12am and 1am should auto combust, Not sure why MN have not fixed this.

QS90 · 10/07/2023 08:00

I would always bring a gift, personally. Think it is unusual not to, but maybe your friend doesn't know this, or is a bit hard up at the minute? I don't think it's worth falling out with a friend, of thinking badly of them over.

For the record, I'm also always delighted to meet new babies and really excited to give them a hold too.

Congratulations on your new baby op :)

Jesseweneedtocook · 10/07/2023 08:01

Wow op 😅 I don't even expect gifts from friends on my birthday or Christmas, it's more important that I get to see them and do something fun together. You sound really entitled. Honestly you shouldn't ever 'expect' a gift. But if meeting your baby was conditional on receiving a gift it ought to have been mentioned at the outset.

usedtobeasizeten · 10/07/2023 08:01

I would always take a gift for my friends newborn. It’s just the done thing with everyone I know 🤷🏼‍♀️ if I’m going to a friends for coffee, I take a packet of biscuits eg. and they all do likewise, maybe that’s a Scottish thing?? I was brought up you never went to visit empty handed.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/07/2023 08:03

@Freckles978

i think meeting your newborn probably wasn’t the flex you seem to think it is Op , I’m sure she was happy to wait until they’re older

ThatFraggle · 10/07/2023 08:05

Cakeorchocolate · 10/07/2023 07:45

They came with a gift that doesn't sound like an after thought it just sounds like they tied a visit in with other plans, which seems perfectly normal. And like they'd given themselves an excuse to leave so they didn't have to stay too long, which could have been intended for yours or their benefit or both.

Show quote history

So if someone is visiting you, that's the only activity they are permitted to do that day? See Anne at 12 then meet Jane at 1. That sounds perfectly normal.

As you said, you were recovering. Did you want a full day visit?

And it was kind of friend to offer for you to go out. Some people are climbing the walls, stuck at home with a baby. Yes, you'd recently had surgery, but people recover at different rates.

And an extrovert might really enjoy being around people, even if not physically comfortable.

Stravaig · 10/07/2023 08:05

Don't think I have ever brought a 'newborn gift'. However I will travel the length of the country, be handed the newborn and corral the other bairns, so new parent can escape, confident that everyone is safe and happy, while they have a cup of tea, shower, hide in the bedroom with a novel for a bit. This seems to be appreciated.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 10/07/2023 08:09

I would always take a gift. I don't expect one though, honestly can't remember who did/didn't bring gifts. Now with how much stuff we have I'd rather not get anything

MissTrip82 · 10/07/2023 08:09

I usually take something for mum, not baby.

Do you think that when you didn’t have a baby shower she thought you probably didn’t want gifts?

You know your friend. I assume she isn’t rude and thoughtless, or you wouldn’t be friends. Don’t think less of the friendship over a gift.

Quiverer · 10/07/2023 08:12

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

It's not a special right or privilege. You do realise that lots of people have no interest in meeting your newborn, don't you? And that when they express pleasure or anticipation, they are mostly just doing it to be polite?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 10/07/2023 08:17

Have you always been this entitled and materialistic?

LolaSmiles · 10/07/2023 08:19

I'd typically take a gift for a friend or the newborn, but usually I get something for my friend as people get inundated with baby things.

One of my favourite gifts I had coming out of hospital was from a friend who provided a few meals in tupperware, said hi on the doorstep and to enjoy the meals because she knew we'd be tired and it's hard always hosting in the postpartum stage.

I've stolen that idea for other friends since.

FoodFann · 10/07/2023 08:23

@Freckles978 I would never turn up empty handed - I think it’s awfully rude. Especially when it is of huge inconvenience to you to entertain your friend who has come to coo over your baby.

reabies · 10/07/2023 08:23

People on here are wild. I wouldn't dream of turning up to meet a new baby without a gift. It shows that you care about your friend and the enormous life change they've just been through, and it really doesn't even have to be more than a £5 bunch of flowers from the supermarket. People saying it's entitled and grabby to think a gift is normal are also probably the heaps of miserable posters telling adults on here that birthdays and christmas aren't for them either. So joyless.

So many people also saying newborns are boring. You've not been invited over for the new human to put on a show for you, it's to be supportive and helpful to your friend. But with friends like you who needs friends.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 10/07/2023 08:24

Do people like OP with this attitude really exist? I’m glad I don’t have any in my circle of friends!

JenniferBarkley · 10/07/2023 08:24

Gifts are a funny one - it's rude to expect them, but it's also rude not to give one on certain occasions. Including meeting a new baby for the first time.

Some of the posts on here have been really harsh OP, don't take them to heart. For some reason MN can be absolutely vicious to new mums.

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