To expect a gift for my newborn?

[Freckles978]

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

Lots of teddies etc that will end up in the bin are given to new-borns. You have a healthy child and a friend who came to see you both. That’s quite a gift. Be thankful for that. I sound like a mindful monk! But it’s true.

I’ve taken gifts sometimes 6-8 weeks after birth and honestly I think new parents are overwhelmed with the baby chaos, they have every sleep suit, toy and hand print set going. They prefer the company to be honest

Me too but if I'm honest now I'm sat here thinking this must be a wind up with all the OPs contradictions

After being told numerous times that she sounds entitled and grabby and frankly quite immature I can never understand why people post in AIBU because they don't take any notice if they are clearly and almost unanimously told they are. Surely reading all this you'd expect a slight revelation that you're view isn't the right one but no, seems not. Such ignorance.

*your

Talk about being entitled, I’ve let you meet my sprog so now where’s my pressies; I can believe some people 😂😂😂 if I were your friend I tell you to jog on you grasping mare

What present were you hoping for ?

Another 'outfit'?

I once didn't post divorce because I had to scrape pennies from under the couch to be able to eat and even a small gift would have meant a day of hunger. Thankfully my l friend is a nice person and never mentioned it. I don't know if you've heard but there is a cost of living crisis going on.

I can guarantee most people see your newborn not because they’re that interested, but that they feel that they should do, just to at least show a bit of interest. I loved my dcs as babies, but had very little interest in other peoples.

Wowziiee. I think OP is getting such a hard time for expressing her opinions. It’s mean to call her names like grabby and entitled. She’s just being honest with her disappointment.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. It’s kind of common courtesy to bring a gift for a newborn, but not a massive deal. I think it depends on your relationship with the visitor. I wouldn’t take it personally if someone didn’t give me one either. Tbh depends how close you are, and sometimes, it’s genuinely hard to scrape even pennies these days 😂

But I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to feel disappointed/upset that she didn’t. I also read your updated the reads, and she sounds like a stingy friend who is happy to shamelessly receive, but unwilling to give - which is taking the piss really. So makes sense why you feel this way, as opposed to a friend who is more appreciative in general. If it was a different friend, you may have felt differently.

This is the case here too, and I feel like I can't continue being generous with someone who just isn't with others, or at least myself.

Many people on MN believe I'm being grabby, but it's not. Every relationship should be 50/50, and I will just need to stop being so generous with them

@Freckles978
You are not talking about generosity; you are talking about quid pro quo. You aren't expecting friendship: you are expecting a transactional relationship.

YANBU @Freckles978

And I'm certain that at least 98% of the people on your thread wouldn't dream of showing up to see a newborn without at least a card.

Maybe it shouldn't be expected, but it is a social nicety.

And is it really 'rude' to have an internal thought that you don't ever voice to a person?!

Goodness!! Weren't you happy to see your friend?
YABU to expect a gift
Nobody will ever be as interested in your child than you and DP/H

I think it’s a nice gesture to take a
gift, but I don’t think it should be expected.
I always take a gift or send a card to people, but I rarely get one returned… so I am stepping back from lots of people as I do feel taken advantage of

Oh , perhaps you could stick a note on the stroller "Don't look at my baby unless you are bringing a gift" so everyone knows your expectations. Is your child the new Messiah?

Maybe she’s skint. Just be pleased to see your friend.

I am generous because I choose to be I don't care if people do it back it's not a bank, you 'expect' a gift that is grabby

I am trying to refrain from using words like childish and immature but maybe think what is really important in life

I think this was more of a thing years ago, like many other things that have changed over the years. I think all my close friends gave me presents for the first baby, and most for the second, over 40 years ago. And when I took the pram out strangers would stop and look in the pram and tuck money under the covers, think it was for good luck. But you can't get upset if people don't get presents for you, although I used to get upset if I posted a present to a friend for a new baby, or a wedding and they don't even say thank you,

As a child I was always taught that it was rude to expect a gift.

Sharing a coffee & chatting with my friend would be enough for me. I doubt your newborn is very upset.

She didn't buy you a gift. You think that's impolite and she's a bad friend.
She went out of her way to visit you and your newborn. She really wasn't that interested in your baby but she likes you. That's polite and she's a good friend.

@Freckles978 I personally would take a gift. I wouldn't expect a gift from everyone who visits.

😆😆👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

You are right, and not being grabby at all.

People here pretend that they regularly buy presents for their friends with no expectation of ever getting a gift in return but it’s mostly a lie.

Friendships are built on reciprocity, and it doesn’t have to be material things, it can just be about the amount of effort someone puts into a friendship or relationship.

I personally would take a little something but to expect it and to want/let friend to meet baby because in return you want a gift for the baby is odd.

Had a friend fall on hard times when pregnant, she also got dumped during pregnancy and had zero support from the dad.
I literally filled my boot with stuff for her baby, she cried when she opened the boot. Nappies, nappy bin, refill sacks, baby toiletries, baby bath tub, all sorts of outfits and bibs, wipes - you name it I had some of it for my friend.

People here pretend that they regularly buy presents for their friends with no expectation of ever getting a gift in return but it’s mostly a lie.

@Lacucuracha
Since when did you have the ability to 'know' anything like that? What are you, some sort of all seeing eye, whilst everyone else 'pretends' and 'lies' . Give us a break. 😄

Friendships are built on reciprocity, and it doesn’t have to be material things, it can just be about the amount of effort someone puts into a friendship or relationship.

Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. And this friend has showed up when being allowed to meet a baby she probably wasn't all that interested in. Not a material thing.

If OP has a grudge with this friend which is about being stingy and that goes back over time, she has expressed it really, really badly.
Because she is the one who has come across really badly here.