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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 10/07/2023 16:00

Gifts are an option. It’s 2023, every piece of tat we buy takes money a lot of people haven’t got, oil and other resources that need not have been wasted and space in a house that probably has enough stuff in it that the person needs and likes.

whirlyhead · 10/07/2023 16:04

Another one here who avoids all babies especially newborns (they smell weird). I've managed to avoid all my siblings newborns.

Personally I don't like people buying me gifts full stop as it's just more stuff to clutter up the house...

BriocheForBreakfast · 10/07/2023 16:05

*so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn
*
Biscuit Give your head a wobble OP. Also, it's allowed.

Sandseaandsky · 10/07/2023 16:07

BreadInCaptivity · 10/07/2023 01:16

Of course she was unreasonable.

Your baby and yourself are the centre around which the universe revolves and this was a snub of the highest order, you having deigned to arrange an audience with her.

Frankincense, gold and myrrh should have been presented on arrival as is custom for such an historic meeting.

I think you are especially generous in not mentioning a lack of present for yourself quite frankly.

Some Jo Malone fragrance and candles should be a minimum pre-requisite offering (though a spa day would be more on par).

Honestly the world is going to the dogs.

Nobody knows how to behave any more.

Simply meeting a friend and having a lovely chat whilst they coo over your newborn is sooo last century...you can't Instagram a nice time - you need the merch for a good social media post that reflects how wonderful life is....

Hmm

😂😂😂

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2023 16:09

RedHelenB · 10/07/2023 06:21

You sound ungrateful. Should she put her social life on hold just because you've had a baby? Mumsnet is barking, how a reasonable social visit is suddenly unreasonable.

Show quote history

Absolutely right, @RedHelenB - it sounds as if @HerRoyalNotness‘ friend decided to fit two things into her day - and I don’t see anything wrong with that. Is visiting someone’s newborn such an important event that you aren’t allowed to do anything else on the same day?

Kisskiss · 10/07/2023 16:12

Crass to expect gifts from friends … if they give something that’s great but not everyone knows to buy something , or what to buy ( especially people without kids themselves) and yes some people might be struggling financially.
añtho I would be disappointed if say grandparents didn’t get anything but that feels different as is close family

Leapintothelightning · 10/07/2023 16:13

I always buy newborn gifts.
Did I expect any when I had mine? No.
Did I not "let" people meet them if they didn't have a gift? No.

gemstoneju · 10/07/2023 16:14

Traditionally yes, but then a lot of people are wary of doing it, as it's common to get far too many little tiny outfits at the beginning which the baby can't really benefit from.

A gift voucher in a card would have been a nice gesture though.

Threeboysadogandacat · 10/07/2023 16:17

I would never visit anyone without taking a gift. Flowers, wine, a cake, fruit or veg from the garden, a newborn or birthday gift and I would think it rude if someone was visiting me and didn’t. Obviously, I wouldn’t say anything or get worked up about it and I would still get that friend a gift for her baby. I can’t think of any visitor coming to my house that hasn’t brought something.

Irequireausername · 10/07/2023 16:17

What kind of gift? Like a pair of pyjamas or something else?

RisingSunn · 10/07/2023 16:18

If they had visited your home to see your newborn - I could maybe see your point.

But you met up and brought your newborn along to meet them. In this scenario I would not be expecting a gift!

Ap42 · 10/07/2023 16:19

I'd be happy she made the effort to meet up.

Tracker1234 · 10/07/2023 16:22

They arent visting Jesus!

5128gap · 10/07/2023 16:22

You friend has deviated a little from the social norm I grant you. But you have deviated far more by complaining about it. If its not the done thing not to bring a gift, its a thousand times worse in terms of social etiquette to have expected a gift. Social norms dictate that you're meant to value the person's company over any material things, so you have committed the greater error, and are the most rude of the two of you.

Mosavian · 10/07/2023 16:24

Op’s title:
…To expect a gift for my newborn?

Op’s backtrack:
I don't ever expect a gift for anything

Op needs to make her bloody mind up

Gettingbysomehow · 10/07/2023 16:29

Pathetic and horrible comments towards a new mum.
Unless you are incredibly hard up a card and/or gift is a lovely thing to do for a new mum especially if you are a friend.
People are really vile now.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/07/2023 16:29

JudgeJ · 10/07/2023 15:01

And you removed the offending hamper from the glorious presence!

Show quote history

I wish I had! I just glossed over it in typical MN meek shocked silence!

LadyJ2023 · 10/07/2023 16:29

My mum is the same always takes a gift she was only one of 2 that gave us something for our newborns but loads still visited so hey it doesn't bother me

Hehasasecretfriend · 10/07/2023 16:32

Yeah it's still normal around my way / circles to give a present but absolutely not seen as rude if you don't.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/07/2023 16:34

Personally I think it's very discourteous to to take even a token gift.

If it's someone I don't know well I might just take a pack of bibs or something else small, but I'd always take something.

Hehasasecretfriend · 10/07/2023 16:35

whirlyhead · 10/07/2023 16:04

Another one here who avoids all babies especially newborns (they smell weird). I've managed to avoid all my siblings newborns.

Personally I don't like people buying me gifts full stop as it's just more stuff to clutter up the house...

You are absolutely in the minority here I think. You have avoided meeting your siblings newborns?!

User838960 · 10/07/2023 16:35

This is ridiculous. You should never give a gift with the expectation of receiving one back or hold a grudge against someone who chooses to show their friendship in different ways to you.

Meeting your baby is absolutely not a privilege. Your friend gave you her time when she is probably not the least bit interested in your new born. Be grateful for that and stop expecting so much from people. Lighten up.

CovertImage · 10/07/2023 16:37

Gettingbysomehow · 10/07/2023 16:29

Pathetic and horrible comments towards a new mum.
Unless you are incredibly hard up a card and/or gift is a lovely thing to do for a new mum especially if you are a friend.
People are really vile now.

"Vile" is rather overused on mumsnet

Twinsmummy1812 · 10/07/2023 16:39

Sorry to pile on but you are going to be fucking unbearable later on. Wait til your child (yes we know she’s the best child ever and we should all be in awe of her) doesn’t win a prize on speech day at school. The ripples from that fury will be like the H bomb being detonated 😂

DogInATent · 10/07/2023 16:43

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

I'd take something for my friend. There's not much a newborn needs.

But if I thought it was a Visiting Tax I could hold off seeing both of them for a year or two - or maybe I just have different expectations of friendship.