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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
Jl2014 · 10/07/2023 16:43

Everyone who came to visit my newborn brought a gift. Everytime I’ve visited a newborn I’ve taken a gift. I definitely thought it was the norm. Not sure I understand the pile on here although that does seem to happen on MN at times.

Bumblepig · 10/07/2023 16:45

Yes I’d definitely take a gift when I was seeing my friend’s newborn for the first time. People I have found are very unpleasant on here

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 10/07/2023 16:48

I wouldn't be bothered! What kind of a friend are you?! Is that why you had a baby - to accrue gifts? I'm pregnant with my first baby after a long time trying and tbh the joy of the child will be enough for me.....very strange mentality.

I know some of my friends don't have a lot of money or time to be buying gifts. You sound mean spirited and judgmental.

SiobhanSharpe · 10/07/2023 16:49

For me, I buy gifts for the newborns of close friends and immediate family.
Colleagues, more casual friends, distant family - no.
That's how it works in our circle but clearly other people will be different.

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 10/07/2023 16:49

Cost of living and all that

People need to stop expecting things

Grabby!

Thosepeskyseagulls · 10/07/2023 17:02

I believe most people who go and visit a baby for the first time bring a gift. Usually something like gold, frankincense or myhrr. Maybe a sheep. Sorry, myhrr is really hard to spell.

windmill26 · 10/07/2023 17:11

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

I also would gift something to the Mum for the newborn . I am originally from southern Europe and that is the normal thing to do (same as bringing something for the host when you are a guest).
"Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know" Up to you...but I would follow her lead.

gangdangit · 10/07/2023 17:25

Don't listen to MN. They believe it's rude to also get presents on your birthday or expect anyone to care other than you. God, people are so entitled thinking anyone cares about their birthday. Or their wedding, or their new house...or new job. God, people nowadays!

weepat · 10/07/2023 18:01

People get so.much these days. Especially when lots know the gender beforehand.
In the last few years I have stopped buying newborn gifts & buy a more substantial gift at 1st birthday.
Usually wooden castle or dolls house that can be added to with accessories over the years.
My friends seem.to love this.

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 10/07/2023 18:15

Baby showers are a thing, no?

Isn't that the point where you buy a gift? ( off a gift list, usually )

Where do you draw the line?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 10/07/2023 18:20

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 01:19

I wouldn't dream of meeting someone's baby without bringing something. It's just not the done thing, in terms of how I was raised anyway. I wouldn't dream of going to someone's house for dinner without bringing wine or a dessert either. I'd find it rude if someone didn't bring a gift because of how I was raised, but I would try not to focus on it and remember that not every has my background.

I was raised this way too.

aSofaNearYou · 10/07/2023 18:33

I don't think the fact that people often bring a gift means you should feel entitled to feel offended if somebody doesn't. It's a nice gesture you should feel grateful for if given, but that's it.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 18:47

I don't think the fact that people often bring a gift means you should feel entitled to feel offended if somebody doesn't.

This

It's lovely to get a gift. And people often do bring one.

But it's definitely not lovely to be on here moaning about it if you don't. You're missing the point of meeting up with your friend.

windmill26 · 10/07/2023 18:51

Daisybuttercup12345 · 10/07/2023 18:20

I was raised this way too.

Show quote history

Same. It doesn't have to be anything expensive either ...I despair at all the BS that I read on this thread...grabby,entitled,the cost of living etc. 🙄

Mamabear48 · 10/07/2023 18:55

Who cares. You sound like a spoilt child tbh. Maybe she couldn’t afford it. I know I couldn’t right now

andjustlikewhat · 10/07/2023 19:42

Can't believe how unkind the posts have been about the OP.

OP, mumsnet is a weird place, of course people buy cards and gifts when meeting a baby esp. when it's the first time (would be a bit random to keep seeing a friend and their baby then randomly give them a gift at 8 months or something).

It is absolutely the norm to take a little something, even if it's just chocolates and a card.

andjustlikewhat · 10/07/2023 19:49

I would actually question why someone thinks it's ok to turn up to meet a friend who has just had a baby without a present TBH.

Lacucuracha · 10/07/2023 19:51

MN is being contrary again just for the sake of it.

Of course it’s the norm to give a gift for the baby, even if it’s a small thing like booties or a hat.

I won't be taking my friend a gift as it's now seen normal to a group of you that no gift for occasions are the norm

This is fine. She should have given a guft, and now can’t expect one from you.

GoodChat · 10/07/2023 20:16

Lacucuracha · 10/07/2023 19:51

MN is being contrary again just for the sake of it.

Of course it’s the norm to give a gift for the baby, even if it’s a small thing like booties or a hat.

I won't be taking my friend a gift as it's now seen normal to a group of you that no gift for occasions are the norm

This is fine. She should have given a guft, and now can’t expect one from you.

You're encouraging OP to be contrary 🤷‍♀️

MsRosley · 10/07/2023 20:17

No-one's getting confused, you've just read the replies and realised how self-centered you sound.

Yup.

roarrfeckingroar · 10/07/2023 20:21

I always take a gift for a new baby and one for the mother. Isn't that normal?

loverains · 10/07/2023 20:25

Lacucuracha it's not about being contrary. Yes, giving a gift is a social norm. However pp are commenting on OP's staggering sense of entitlement, she should have enjoyed her friend's company not be upset she didn't get a gift! Hen to decide friend isn't getting a gift back because she didn't get one is no friend at all. I give because I care about and want to please the person I'm giving to, not to get something back, it's a terrible and immature attitude.

Sheranovermytoes · 10/07/2023 20:26

I wouldn't bat an eyelid about no gift to be honest. Babies are not exciting. I used to have one and have no illusions that the only people truly interested in him were my husband and I and immediate family. Your friends are more interested in you than your kid.

Manthide · 10/07/2023 20:30

Wow! I'm not sure I took a present when I met my newborn grandchild for the first time, dd2 didn't seem upset - but then she was too busy tending to her newborn to worry about that. ( I had bought something for him at the Christmas before he was born ( 3 months earlier) so maybe I was excused.
It's lovely to get presents but it's certainly not your right. I've has 4 newborns and whilst I was totally smitten I didn't expect everyone else to be

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 20:40

And am I the only one who loves seeing my friends' babies? I love my friends and by extension care a lot of their lives and milestone moments, especially the birth of their children. I love going to see them, cuddle them, see who they look like, listen to the birth story (which the mums always want to talk about!). There is no point during this where I'm thinking 'Gah, what a bore having to pretend to be interested in Jenny's new small spawn. Snore, yawn, etc, ad nauseum, yada yada...'

I just remembered how when I was a teenager, one of my best friends had a baby (we were about 19). I was broke, but bought a packet of wipes and a three-pack of bibs (probably from the pound shop!) and put them in a nice gift bag. I wouldn't have come empty handed.

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