Sibling got married last week and no one told me

[TomorrowToday]

This happened 2021 and it still hurts me

My siblings and family live in three cities. My sibling got married last week and no one told me or made plans to see me. Baring in mind we haven't seen each other for 18 months due to pandemic etc.

AIBU to think someone should have told me? I found out via someone at the supermarket.

Agree with this. I'm NC with one of my siblings and I couldn't give a toss if they got married this weekend, last weekend or ever. Wouldn't expect to be told at all either because people that know me know I wouldn't care. Sorry if it's harsh but I can't see why it should concern you, it's really none of your business.

They did lie about events. Such as when I asked them if the date was set and various other outing events.

But you shouldn't have been asking. You are NC with the sibling, and shouldn't be putting others in an awkward situation by asking about her business.

‘Just because people are nC doesn't mean that your other relationships should be affected’. It’s inevitably going to affect your relationship with your other siblings. It’s a massively dysfunctional, poisonous thing that’s going on, an enormous elephant in the room, requiring doubtless tedious amounts of walking on egg shells, working out what can and can’t be talked, how to navigate the whole visible from space sulking. And then you lash out at them. I’m surprised they haven’t all cut you off.

I’m NC with an aunt like OP. We detest each other, want nothing to do with each other. She has nothing good to say about me yet lost her mind when I didn’t invite her to my wedding. The abuse I got made it clear my choice was the right one.

‘Just because people are nC doesn't mean that your other relationships should be affected’. It’s inevitably going to affect your relationship with your other siblings. It’s a massively dysfunctional, poisonous thing that’s going on, an enormous elephant in the room, requiring doubtless tedious amounts of walking on egg shells, working out what can and can’t be talked, how to navigate the whole visible from space sulking. And then you lash out at them. I’m surprised they haven’t all cut you off.

Oh, I am sure that @Stuffin has read the thread.

It is you that hasn't read the thread. Nor grasped the fundamental point of NC, which is that you are not in their lives and have no right to any information or news about them.

Why are you asking questions about something that doesn’t concern you? Boundaries are in place for a reason.

Maybe instead of complaining about how your family deal with this difficult situation, you should return to being speaking terms with your sister. I am sure it is awkward for everyone around the two of you.

This.

This sort of stuff will crop up time and time again, OP: birth of children, christenings, future weddings, family funerals. If you care about your family and your future relationship with them, you need to try and build bridges with your sibling.

It’s very telling that you won’t answer why she went NC with you tbh
I agree, and on reflection the statement up thread about people being allowed to go non-contact but their actions have consequences makes me feel quite uncomfortable.

It sounds like OP is expecting the family to get involved in game playing, spying, information relaying so that she's continually kept in the loop about her sister's life. If the family did what OP seems to expect then it would ensure her sister has nobody she can talk freely to in the family and the OP would be pulling everyone's strings.

It’s interesting that a lot of people are assuming that the OP initiated the NC. The more I read the more I think it was the other sibling

@TomorrowToday "Obviously not read the thread"

Did everyone not read the thread, you seem to be getting the same responses from everyone, nobody agrees with you. It looks like you need some insight, is everyone here wrong or is the issue you?

Yes I did read the thread including all of your responses.

I also see you have started another thread because this one isn't going the way you wanted.

Just because people are nC doesn't mean that your other relationships should be affected’. It’s inevitably going to affect your relationship with your other siblings. It’s a massively dysfunctional, poisonous thing that’s going on, an enormous elephant in the room, requiring doubtless tedious amounts of walking on egg shells, working out what can and can’t be talked, how to navigate the whole visible from space sulking. And then you lash out at them. I’m surprised they haven’t all cut you off. I have cousins who behave like this. The one who lives in Australia is very grateful for that fact.

Yes - and I suspect that this is the explanation for why the rest of the family are appearing to avoid the OP. If they are getting questioned about things that are no longer any of their business, they may find that avoidance is the best strategy. I would be extremely unhappy if people insisted on telling me about my NC sister, and equally so if they were telling her about me. We maintain relationships by keeping the boundaries.

Doesn't really matter, does it? OP has said that they're no-contact. Only one of a pair has to instigate that and it happens by default.

So you said it was last week so your thread would get more attention but actually it was two years ago? That makes you seem like a drama queen.
And you are NC but try to get information from other relatives about what is going on? Yy YABU. I have a relative like you. The reason why no-one tells them about the rest of the family is that it's none of their business. Also when they have found out about events, they have deliberately tried to sabotage them or make others guilty for going to the events.

It’s interesting that a lot of people are assuming that the OP initiated the NC. The more I read the more I think it was the other sibling
I agree with you.

This thread reads like toys are being thrown out of the pram because the family are respecting the sister's choice not to share information with OP.

We have a NC situation in my family. It is a fucking minefield. I don't blame your other family for not getting involved whatsoever.

Just because people are nC doesn't mean that your other relationships should be affected’. It’s inevitably going to affect your relationship with your other siblings. It’s a massively dysfunctional, poisonous thing that’s going on, an enormous elephant in the room, requiring doubtless tedious amounts of walking on egg shells, working out what can and can’t be talked, how to navigate the whole visible from space sulking. And then you lash out at them. I have cousins who behave like this. The one who lives in Australia is very grateful of that fact.

You have no contact not sure why on earth it should bother you.

We got married last year and didn't tell DH's sister. She lives in the same town as us, hadn't see. DH for a good 4 years before I met him. I tried to meet her in the early days when I was pregnant but no matter how many times we arrange a time and place she wouldn't turn up and ignore my messages for months on end. She hasn't meet her nephew yet and he's almost 2. Every time she was invited over she cancelled about an hour before. I'm done with her now, as DH was years ago, I just wanted to give her a chance, I'm done trying with someone who can't be asked. When we got married we didn't bother inviting her as we knew she would just back out or not turn up and it was not a problem I want to worry about on my wedding day.
It happens. I'm sorry it hurt you, maybe you see the whole situation from a difference perspective than what they do. Talk to them.

Sorry for the multiple post. It was long enough first time.

Why would you be asking for updates on a sibling you are NC with in the first place? That's putting your other siblings in an awkward position. Is there a reason you won't answer why you are NC?

Bare in mind social restrictions were in place for the first half of 2021, and some people were still nervous about household mixing in the second half. They may not have offered to meet for lots of different reasons.

Your expectations that your siblings keep you updated on an NC sibling and responding to this by saying they have been lying to you/don't like you paints an image of someone pushy, controlling and possibly manipulative if you vocalised this.

YABU

you are not in contact with the family member that got married.

no one else is going to want to get involved in that, have probably been told not to talk about the family member's life with you, so aren't.

YABU: get some therapy if something that happened 2 years ago is still bothering you this much, especially with the NC aspect.