Sibling got married last week and no one told me

[TomorrowToday]

This happened 2021 and it still hurts me

My siblings and family live in three cities. My sibling got married last week and no one told me or made plans to see me. Baring in mind we haven't seen each other for 18 months due to pandemic etc.

AIBU to think someone should have told me? I found out via someone at the supermarket.

They're not keeping a secret. They're respecting your sister's boundaries.

Do you genuinely have no idea why she's gone NC?

They are thinking of your feelings around the day. Ignore the responses about boundaries and all that nonsense because you already knew but not when. To stay with reality it wasn't a secret they just didn't tell you because you wasn't invited that's it and didn't see the point in causing upset.

You still haven't explained why you don't know why she went NC. Did you ask her? Did you ask your family members?

As for your family not visiting you, have you invited them? The non-communication about the wedding seems to be the least of the communication issues going on..

Of course she knows why - at least in a general sense, even if the exact trigger wasn’t communicated to her. There’s a history and a back story. Obviously.

She’s not going to admit she knows why her sister has a problem with her because pretending it’s a total mystery suits her better. She doesn’t have to explain why on MN. Even if doing so might stop everyone concluding the sister was probably reasonable.

But she would be better off if she came to terms with the fact that her sister does not want her in her life. That may be hard for the OP. But it’s pretty apparent that she needs to move on so she’s not so upset when she hears about things in her sister’s life she wasn’t part of.

There plan didn't work because you are upset. If you care so much then why don't you fix it and make amends. You sound like hard work.

You wanna swap families yours sound much nicer than mine. I don't think they can tolerate you.

It may be that the OP knows what the problem is but simply won’t accept that is how her sister feels.

I’m sure most of us have, at some point, dealt with people who claim they didn’t ‘know’ when the reality is they knew something but didn’t care that it would upset the other person.

That’s the dynamic people see time and time again when estranged parents of adult children complain online about how they don’t understand why they’ve been cut out. They do know, they just choose to dismiss how their estranged child feels about their actions.

What have your family said when you've told them how upset you were about not seeing them when they came to your town for the wedding ?

You said your sister sent you a birthday card in 2020 and you've not heard since. Was she the last one to
be in touch with you you , or did you reply or send her a card on her birthday ?

I literally think people live in some weird world where they keep "secrets" from people that are blatant. There are pictures of her wedding in the family house - you think that should be taken down when i go home because "no contact".
Nobody has said wedding photos should be taken down.Nobody is keeping secrets.They've just respected your sister's decision and have chosen not to relay information to you.

She doesn't have to invite me to her wedding that's her choice. If people aren't going to tell me than that puts everyone in a difficult position so it's up to them to deal with it.
It doesn't put them in a difficult position.

Most adults would understand that someone's else's guestlist isn't theirs to share.

You can't expect a whole family to meet and it to never be spoken about in my presence.
Your family have chosen to respect your sister's boundaries.
It's not hard to appreciate why they have.

Who's the dock head now - my sister.
She isn't

No contact means you don't want to speak to that person, not that you make everyone's relationship difficult with that person after that.
Your sister isn't making everyone else's relationships different.
You are.

It's clear you feel entitled to demand your family keep you updated on your sister's life.
She doesn't want that.
Your family have CHOSEN to respect those boundaries.

You need to accept that your sister has chosen to go non contact and has her reasons, and your family have chosen to respect those boundaries whilst maintaining a relationship with you.

If you can't accept that I'm afraid it suggests clearly your sister probably has very good reasons.

@TomorrowToday
You knew that she was getting married and you know that no matter when the event was to take place that you were not invited. There was no need for anyone to tell you anything more about the event.. You knew the 2 most relevant parts as related to you.

You have never responded o the question as to effort or action that you took to go an visit your parents and siblings in the past 18 months. So perhaps you sent them a not so subtle message of just how important family is to you. You don't get along with the sibling who lives in the same city as you, and you seemingly don't make any significant effort to visit your parents or other siblings. It seems as though you are getting as little as you give.

I’m NC with my SIL. My MIL has been told not to talk about me or my DC to her and we do not want her to talk about her to us.
if I had found out any of the family had told her that my wedding was booked or when it was I would have gone NC with them.
ive worked hard to keep the toxicity out of my life and marriage and I intend to keep it that way.

Literally all anyone needed to do was say - look she's getting married and you aren't invited. Let's catch up in the near future.

Then you'd feel worse than you do now - and they'd all have had to deal with you asking why you weren't invited as you clearly think you should have been

I’m very confused now,

NC sibling got married in 2021, they have a child, you’ve only just found out, even though you’re speaking to your family, though you don’t visit each other, is that it?

I can see why you might have been upset that no-one made plans to see you when, presumably, they were in your area, but I really can't see why they had to tell you about your sister's wedding if she didn't want them to.

As for them not wanting to see you, perhaps you need to think about whether you might have contributed to that situation.