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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner upset by mum’s choice of phrase

167 replies

KatieWhitstable · 08/07/2023 01:01

My mum very occasionally babysits for us.

Often, when one of us arrives home, my mum will say “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” and then proceeds to tell us what she and Olivia have been up to together.

My partner thinks that this is a weird thing to say and that my mum is being rude. By suggesting “Olivia has had a lovely day” means that she doesn’t normally have a lovely day??? And that my mum is implying that she has a nicer day with her than she does with us.

He wants me to tell my mum not to say that anymore because he finds it patronising.

He also found it insulting that she suggested he shouldn’t keep eggs in the fridge and that you should keep eggs in the cupboard instead, because he is a grown man and can decide where he keeps his eggs. He thinks she is being rude and overstepping by offering unwanted advice.

AIBU by not speaking to my mum about these issues, and are these two examples anything my partner should be getting worked up about?
Is my mum rude or overstepping?

OP posts:
23careerhelp · 08/07/2023 01:04

Of course not. He sounds incredibly insecure.

CobraChicken · 08/07/2023 01:05

50-50 here I think. He's being totally ridiculous about the “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” turn of phrase but he's right about it being absolutely nothing to do with your mum where he chooses to store eggs😂

monsteramunch · 08/07/2023 01:05

Jesus how fragile is his ego that he takes such absolutely mundane phrases / comments as personal insults?

And how ungrateful is he that someone babysits and he critiques them saying what a nice time she and his child had?

I honestly think my vagina would seat itself shut at him behaving this way.

user1473878824 · 08/07/2023 01:06

sorry I know he’s your DH but what a fucking weirdo. He can decide where he keeps his eggs but it’s hardly a slight on him if she says he shouldn’t. He can just roll his eyes like everyone else does at this stuff. The idea that he’s offended that your mum is saying your baby had a lovely day is insane.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2023 01:06

He's being fucking ridiculous about the 'lovely day' comment. He's taking the egg comment a bit too personally, but your mum should also mind her own business. Your partner could nicely say, "I like to keep the eggs in the fridge, Martha" and be done with it.

Is he always so fucking touchy?

BonnieBobbin · 08/07/2023 01:06

Your partner sounds awful tbh and as though he's trying to drive a wedge between you and your DM.

Geppili · 08/07/2023 01:07

Tiny ego

eyesfullofstars · 08/07/2023 01:07

I had an ex like this. It was weird, though not actually why we broke up.

I see “Olivia has had a lovely day” as a nice and reassuring thing to say, presuming Olivia is a very small child. Keep your eggs wherever you want, it’s not something worth getting offended over.

Coyoacan · 08/07/2023 01:07

Sounds like he is looking to take offense. Does he do other things to cause you problems with friends and/or family because that is a huge red flag

IHateLegDay · 08/07/2023 01:10

How mental do you have to be to think that someone saying a child's had a lovely day is insulting?! He honestly needs to get a grip. He sounds like a lunatic

Tinkerbyebye · 08/07/2023 01:11

He’s being an idiot about the Olivia comment. As to the eggs he's right they should be stored at a constant temp and middle shelf of the fridge is recommended. But wow what an over reaction to her comment.

No I wouldn’t tell her, he can if he wants to look a dck

ChesterAndRaoul · 08/07/2023 01:15

Really?? Tell him to unclench!

If he thinks he's a grown man then he'd better start acting like it, because right now your DD sounds more mature.

WandaWonder · 08/07/2023 01:15

Having a lovely day with someone to me is good thing that means the child had a good day

People who find some weird code thing in that would have to have issues more than that phrase being used

It is about the child not adults in this case

Scrummage · 08/07/2023 01:17

Geppili · 08/07/2023 01:07

Tiny ego

And he keeps it in the cupboard

NoNoNadaNo · 08/07/2023 01:22

Geppili · 08/07/2023 01:07

Tiny ego

I read this at first as 'tiny egg-o' 😂

sandyhappypeople · 08/07/2023 01:30

I’m agog that he’s asked YOU to ask your mum to stop saying things that offend HIM? The fuck is that about, even if your mum WAS being offensive (she’s not) I’d tell him if it bothers him that much then he’s a big boy, he’s got a voice, so be sure to explain to her next time she says it, how much it upsets him to hear his daughter has had a lovely day with nana.

I hope you’re not for a single second thinking of entertaining this and actually talking to your mum about it?

if I had told my mum this sort of thing and the reason why, she’d have doubled down on it and next time and said “how WONDERFUL the day was, and she’s NEVER seen her so DELIGHTED as she was that day... it’s such a precious gift to be able to make a child so happy!”

then she’d have probably told him to stop being a twat.

Original poster
KatieWhitstable · 08/07/2023 01:30

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieWhitstable · 08/07/2023 01:31

Love this and agree completely!!

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 08/07/2023 01:34

@CobraChicken

50-50 here I think. He's being totally ridiculous about the “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” turn of phrase but he's right about it being absolutely nothing to do with your mum where he chooses to store eggs😂

Yep, totally this.

He needs to get over the lovely day thing. She needs to never ever criticise how you run your household.

Sympathies. It’s a pain being piggy-in-the-middle in these situations. I’d mostly ignore, except to tell him it’s OK to say “I’ll keep my eggs where I want, thank you very much”, preferably with a smile.

SnotSnotSnottySnot · 08/07/2023 01:36

Poor, delicate little flower!

Dotcheck · 08/07/2023 01:38

Your mum is doing you a favour, and instead of saying ‘thank you’ , he’s decided to take offence at her middle of the road, bog standard reassurance that your daughter did indeed have a good day.

Why isn’t he asking how their day was? Rude bastard.

I also keep my eggs in the fridge

DreamTheMoors · 08/07/2023 01:44

My EX also always searched for ways to be offended, too, @KatieWhitstable

It was exhausting. And always all about him.

Hopeful2024 · 08/07/2023 01:48

He needs get a grip, he sounds pathetic Perfectly fine to tell her he will keep his eggs where he wants, but the first point is completely ridiculous.

greenspaces4peace · 08/07/2023 01:56

This does not bode well for a long term relationship.
He’s insecure and will continue to feel picked upon ad-infinitum.
First your mom, then your siblings friends and eventually his boss and colleagues.
Horrible personality fault.

steff13 · 08/07/2023 01:56

It's weird for him to be upset about the lovely day thing so I would definitely not mention that.

It's weird for your mom to share her opinion on where you should keep your eggs. If she doesn't bring it up again I wouldn't mention it, but if she does then I would tell her we're keeping the eggs in the fridge and that's that.