Partner upset by mum’s choice of phrase

[KatieWhitstable]

My mum very occasionally babysits for us.

Often, when one of us arrives home, my mum will say “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” and then proceeds to tell us what she and Olivia have been up to together.

My partner thinks that this is a weird thing to say and that my mum is being rude. By suggesting “Olivia has had a lovely day” means that she doesn’t normally have a lovely day??? And that my mum is implying that she has a nicer day with her than she does with us.

He wants me to tell my mum not to say that anymore because he finds it patronising.

He also found it insulting that she suggested he shouldn’t keep eggs in the fridge and that you should keep eggs in the cupboard instead, because he is a grown man and can decide where he keeps his eggs. He thinks she is being rude and overstepping by offering unwanted advice.

AIBU by not speaking to my mum about these issues, and are these two examples anything my partner should be getting worked up about?
Is my mum rude or overstepping?

It's really weird. Is he crazy insecure ? Or just trying to drive a wedge between you and your mum ?

I didn't know there were other places to keep eggs except in a refrigerator.
Learned something new.

This is exactly the kind of thing that my ex used to do to get everyone walking on eggshells around him. I didn't see it at the time and might have put a thread pondering if he was being unreasonable. But it's nothing to do with insecurity, he doesn't really think that she's saying your daughter usually has a horrible day, it's about looking for reasons to be offended, looking for crimes that he can complain about and have a grain of attracting sympathy. Your mum is clearly a lovely person so he's had to really stretch because she hasn't done anything wrong. Please be very careful about reducing time spent with her.

Do any of these profiles sound familiar? I'm seeing Mr. Right and maybe The Victim.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles?page=1

I would say that what she is saying is to reassure you and DH that your DD was happy wiht her and didn't miss her Dm and beloved DF too much.

Ridiculous.
Saying 'Olivia had a lovely day' is a shorthand for 'Olivia was very well behaved to day and no trouble to me at all, and we had fun'.
It's the kind of thing a parent might say after hosting a playdate 'James and Tom had a lovely time playing together' = 'Tom behaved and no squabbles'.

I mind my grandneice regularly, my niece's DH usually collects her, and always says did you have a lovely day?, WTF else would you want for your child. You OH is a prat.

My MIL often offers unsolicited advice, on a lot of things. For example she will walk around my house saying things like ‘oh you should paint xyz’, ‘it’s very dark in that corner, you need to put a window in’, ‘your sofas or too soft, you have bought firm ones as they are better for your back’ etc. So is the egg comment the only comment or is it after a long list of other comments? The eggs on their own would be a non issue but if the was following a whole load of others I could see how it could be annoying.
Does your mum have form for one upmanship and unwanted advice that could after a while start to grate on someone? If so your DH may have a point, if not then he needs to have a word with himself.

His he sounds like a right miserable twat. I often say my grandaughter has had a lovely day with grandma (me obviously!) I’m not suggesting she doesn’t normally have nice days!!

Would he prefer it if she said “well Olivia has had a really shit day with Nana, she’ll be glad she’s going home now” 🙄

No comment on the eggs thing, he’s being a ridiculous baby

Oh wow, fragile ego, that one.

What a massive twat.

What's his issue? Is there a history here?

This is crazy. What an absolute prick he is. Don't put up with this shit.

I can't even comment on the lovely day thing because it's like saying you were insulted that the sky was blue or that Olivia breathed air today.

The egg thing is not in any way insulting if it was just conversation? Surely you just say 'yeah I have heard that but I think they last longer in the fridge. Is there any more tea in the pot?' and move on with life.

Honestly, this is not a normal way to view the world and it must be miserable and exhausting. Ugh.

Thats is just so pathetic. If my mum told DH our daughter had a lovely day and told him what they had done he’s be delighted that she had a lovely day. I mean what is she supposed to say? “Olivia had a super shit day, literally the WORST, she’s so miserable here”.

The eggs are a non event

I’m not sure if this is because he wants to alienate you from your mum or if he really is just this fragile. If it’s the first be wary if it’s the second tell him to get a fucking grip.

Your partner’s being an idiot to be offended by the statement about your DD having a lovely day with her grandmother. It’s as if he’s looking for offence.

I'd be telling DH not be so stupid about my Mum. She is helping you out and having fun caring for and playing with her dgc.

My mum does the same! She slept 'very' well, it's the use of the word 'very' and the way she speaks that word a pitch higher. She was 'so' good for us, wasn't she George (including george to further emphasise her point.)

Drives me up the wall. But I have to let it go.

Ditch the partner. You, your mum and the baby go forward being happy.

Eggs do actually last longer kept in a fridge but I couldn’t get her up over someone advising me to keep them somewhere else, I’d just ignore it.

The comment about your daughter is just a pretty standard way of saying shes had no issues, shes been happy which is a good thing. Its just like when you have other peoples kids over and you tell their parents they’ve been good as gold, its not to say they aren’t always good its just reassurance there has been no issues. Your husband needs to get a grip.

Every day nursery day he's had a lovely day to us. I see it as a way to reassure us he is enjoying himself. Partner is reading way to much in to this

My Mum tells me what a lovely day my dog has had at her house. She’s just had a nice time and want to share.

It’s normal for grandparents to say something like that - she is telling you that they had a good time together. Grandparents are not parents and the relationship is different. She is reassuring your dh that your dd was happy while you weren’t there.

The eggs thing might be annoying but older people often give unwanted advice - you should encourage him to just brush it off out of respect for your mum.

Let me guess, he’s happy to still take free babysitting from her?

He’s an utter idiot, OP. How do you even look at his him with a straight face?

I suppose he thinks his own is perfect?

I get exasperated with my mum sometimes, it’s always DH who tells me to be more patient with her.

Oh dear, this is so ridiculous I'm hoping it's a wind up.

Can't even respond on the lovely day as its so crazy. As for the unsolicited advice unless it's a constant annoying thing surely it's not a big deal. I feel there is a lot more to this story and it isn't good.

He could be an insecure and controlling. Or your mum could be a nightmare and made him ultra sensitive. Hard to comment on a snapshot.

Having read your other thread, your partner really is showing some worrying signs. It's easy to laugh at it because he's being so ridiculous, but you've felt a need to make two separate threads very recently, both concerning his attitude towards your family.

It stinks of him trying to seperate you from family. Stand your ground. Don't stop using your brother's nickname, don't have a word with your mum when she's done absolutely nothing wrong.

No doubt you won't consider leaving him other something that seems so trivial and silly, but please do keep an eye out for further controlling behaviour, and absolutely do not let him come between you and your family! It sounds like you have a lovely family.