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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner upset by mum’s choice of phrase

167 replies

KatieWhitstable · 08/07/2023 01:01

My mum very occasionally babysits for us.

Often, when one of us arrives home, my mum will say “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” and then proceeds to tell us what she and Olivia have been up to together.

My partner thinks that this is a weird thing to say and that my mum is being rude. By suggesting “Olivia has had a lovely day” means that she doesn’t normally have a lovely day??? And that my mum is implying that she has a nicer day with her than she does with us.

He wants me to tell my mum not to say that anymore because he finds it patronising.

He also found it insulting that she suggested he shouldn’t keep eggs in the fridge and that you should keep eggs in the cupboard instead, because he is a grown man and can decide where he keeps his eggs. He thinks she is being rude and overstepping by offering unwanted advice.

AIBU by not speaking to my mum about these issues, and are these two examples anything my partner should be getting worked up about?
Is my mum rude or overstepping?

OP posts:
fridaynight1 · 08/07/2023 01:57

He can keep eggs wherever he wants but don't you have a say? My opinion on where eggs go is mainly inherited from my mum. It's clear you survived your upbringing so I'd probably go with mum on this. So OP, where do you think eggs should be stored?

Ferferksake · 08/07/2023 02:02

He needs to get over himself about the lovely day comment. It's not like she's saying "Baby waby had a lubly day with nanny, not like the nasty wasty day she has with grumpy po-faced cruel daddy". Here - left him print this and shove it under your mum's nose about the eggs. Just do what we'd do in our house and say "Mother, you're talking bollocks again". How to store eggs | Egg Recipes – British Lion Eggs (egginfo.co.uk)

How to store eggs | Egg Recipes – British Lion Eggs

From freezing eggs to the age-old question of whether they should be kept in the fridge, cupboard or pantry, we explore the best methods of storing eggs.

https://www.egginfo.co.uk/ways-to-cook/general-tips/how-store-eggs

oakleaffy · 08/07/2023 02:05

''Olivia had a lovely day with Nana''= Olivia's Mum and Dad's parenting is utter shite?

What a load of nonsense! 😂

It's great that Olivia had a lovely time with granny, and as for the eggs- Granny is right- eggs aren't meant to be kept in the fridge {But I keep them there anyway}.

Husband clearly has a fragile Eggo as PP have insinuated.

Thehippowife · 08/07/2023 02:42

What does he want your mum to say “Olivia has had an awful day with Nana” would he prefer your child had an awful day to make him
feel better.

seriously what an idiot

Usernamesarenoteasy · 08/07/2023 02:53

The egg comment is not weird, or overstepping, I imagine it was just a passing observation. I've actually had this exact egg conversation with colleagues at work this week. Not one of us are offended.
But then your partner is just looking for any tiny thing he could be offended by. Who can possibly be upset that their child has had a nice time?
If it wasn't these 2 things, it would be something else completely innocent.
There is a reason he won't mention it to your mum himself, it's because he knows he's being a twat.

ImustLearn2Cook · 08/07/2023 03:01

Your dh’s behaviour is concerning. He comes across as insecure and controlling.

“Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” is not in any way a criticism of him. How bizarre that he internets it this way.

And if someone said to me that I shouldn’t store eggs in the fridge I would be interested in their reasons for believing that. I wouldn’t be offended. I would ask them: “why shouldn’t I store them in the fridge?” Depending on their answer I would either take it on board or dismiss it.

It’s not rude to share knowledge, information, advice. It is more than a bit rude to get so offended that you feel justified in directing your wife to put limitations on what her mum can and cannot say in his presence.

ImustLearn2Cook · 08/07/2023 03:03

Thehippowife · 08/07/2023 02:42

What does he want your mum to say “Olivia has had an awful day with Nana” would he prefer your child had an awful day to make him
feel better.

seriously what an idiot

😆

TidyDancer · 08/07/2023 03:08

Honestly your DP sounds awful. I'd be telling him to wind his neck in sharpish or he'd be an ex-DP. How dare he be so ungrateful? Your DM does you a favour and this is his reaction? What a twat.

bussteward · 08/07/2023 03:16

Buy loads of eggs and get your mum to arrange them on the counter to spell “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana”.

Topseyt123 · 08/07/2023 03:17

I'd tell him to stop being such a jumped up and ridiculous twat and to get a grip of himself. I would then leave him to sulk.

Mothership4two · 08/07/2023 03:31

He sounds like a prize, and a hyper sensitive one, for taking offence for a) a perfectly reasonable and normal grandparent response to childminding and b) over a suggestion - unless OP's mum makes this suggestion every single time she sees them, then so what? My mum has made a lot of suggestions over the years.

We store our eggs at room temperature, can't remember why now, but ignored Mum's suggestion to also keep tomatoes out of the fridge.

muckerfish · 08/07/2023 03:34

bussteward · 08/07/2023 03:16

Buy loads of eggs and get your mum to arrange them on the counter to spell “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana”.

😂

Jakku · 08/07/2023 03:38

Hmm, I look at this different but I come from a culture where in laws tend to be way overbearing, acting like they now have free pass into everything, now he does sound weird on the first part and a little insecure but parents tend to be sensitive around new kids in there life I can't count the amount of times mums and dads have come up to be and be bash about how I addressed a kid in or class or how we right parent reports and so on, it's annoying but usually just a cranky sleepless parents misunderstanding still not okay to shout at me but I make a living with it.

As for the egg yer nah she shouldn't of even mentioned it, firstly being wrong eggs should not be kept in a cupboard, more suspetable to temp changes, degrades them faster and invites unwanted bacteria to potential small cracks, fridges have an egg draw for a reason it's science, should he be offended? Not at all but I grew up in a clan/household that respects our own spaces and even advice is unwanted unless asked for so I could be bias.

P1ckledonionz · 08/07/2023 03:41

Olivia obviously gets to keep having a lovely day with Nana, but the real question is....

Should you keep your husband in the cupboard, the fridge, or out the front door?

Redglitter · 08/07/2023 03:55

Oh he's the nob you posted another thresd about earlier who doesn't like family nicknames because your daughter won't understand the family hierarchy.

Sounds like he just doesn't like your family interacting with your daughter

user1492757084 · 08/07/2023 04:23

Your partner is too easily offended!
He needs to prepare himself better to cope with your mother's happy sentimeantal phrasing about her day with Olivia. Does he want them to have had a terrible day?
Your mother is reassuringly telling him how Olivia was happy.
Every Dad should be pleased.

The eggs will be kept where ever you want them. Your partner needs to learn how to be confident but kind with a differing opinion. Family usually expresses themselves with family. It's called being familiar in a safe environment.
Is your partner an only child?

If your mother ever over steps the line and becomes too agressive when opinionated it is your role to ask her to kindly refrain from dictating the eggs' storage plan.

Thegoodbadandugly · 08/07/2023 04:53

So your mother is babysitting for yous and he's annoyed because she said they had a lovely day? It sounds like he's trying to turn you against your mother I would keep an eye on that if I were you, is there other stuff that has upset him from her in the past?

Thegoodbadandugly · 08/07/2023 04:54

Redglitter · 08/07/2023 03:55

Oh he's the nob you posted another thresd about earlier who doesn't like family nicknames because your daughter won't understand the family hierarchy.

Sounds like he just doesn't like your family interacting with your daughter

See that would be a red flag for me, sounds like he's trying to come between them.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 08/07/2023 05:01

I completely agree with thegoodbadandugly he wants to separate you from your family. Then he'll move on to phase two

Newnamehiwhodis · 08/07/2023 05:01

Oops, I voted wrong and it won’t let me change it. I thought the “unreasonable” vote was for him. Your partner is twisting that around so much - his stories around what she means are his own issues to deal with. Dude needs therapy or something.

you are not being unreasonable to not discuss this with her. I think if you tried to say what he wants you to say. She might (rightly) be worried about you.

im sorry OP but this is so OTT on his part.

UKCougar · 08/07/2023 05:02

She's right about the eggs. Refrigerating eggs is a US thing, we treat our chickens (and process our eggs) differently so different best practices apply. HOWEVER they're his / your fucking eggs so keep them in the laundry basket if that's what you want to do.

As for "lovely day," isn't that what nanas are for? If he feels it to be a slight against his parenting then suggest he gives the kid a better one. 🤷‍♂️ Bloody weird complaint if you ask me.

Caramellois · 08/07/2023 05:09

Your partner is totally wet. An old-fashioned phrase perhaps but I do prefer manly men- you know the sort who can bury a dead cat without suffering PTSD and deal with unpleasant insects. ( I live in a country that has very unpleasant insects that would make spiders look benign though we do have venomous spiders too.)

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 08/07/2023 05:20

Unless there's a big backstory that you're not telling us, he's hugely insecure and needs to get himself to therapy.

Toastfortwo · 08/07/2023 05:39

Ridiculous. But I bet it’s not the first time he has acted in this peculiar way?

Does he have an issue with what he perceives as being told what to do? Or does he have an issue with your family? Or an issue with a fragile ego? He needs to explore what his problem is and solve it as his offence to the good day is really odd.

Id ask what exactly does he think she is implying and why does he think that.
The eggs - I’d keep on the side 😂.

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