Partner upset by mum’s choice of phrase

[KatieWhitstable]

My mum very occasionally babysits for us.

Often, when one of us arrives home, my mum will say “Olivia’s had a lovely day with Nana” and then proceeds to tell us what she and Olivia have been up to together.

My partner thinks that this is a weird thing to say and that my mum is being rude. By suggesting “Olivia has had a lovely day” means that she doesn’t normally have a lovely day??? And that my mum is implying that she has a nicer day with her than she does with us.

He wants me to tell my mum not to say that anymore because he finds it patronising.

He also found it insulting that she suggested he shouldn’t keep eggs in the fridge and that you should keep eggs in the cupboard instead, because he is a grown man and can decide where he keeps his eggs. He thinks she is being rude and overstepping by offering unwanted advice.

AIBU by not speaking to my mum about these issues, and are these two examples anything my partner should be getting worked up about?
Is my mum rude or overstepping?

Your partner is unhinged, seriously there is something wrong with him. He actually wants you to say to your mother “please don’t say Olivia had a lovely day”, it is very upsetting”. 🙄

This. The first comment is fine and he’s being ridiculous. He has a point on the second case.

So - you have a compromise to offer. Tell your mum to stop commenting on where you keep food (I keep eggs in the fridge, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who does, but bring them out and up to room temp before baking). But you will not say anything about the first comment because it’s a very normal thing to say and does not necessarily mean she’s making a comparison.

This. Be careful OP, this is how isolation starts. What was particularly telling was that he told you to tell her.

Take a couple of months to step back a bit emotionally and actually "observe" rather than "absorb" his behaviour if that makes sense. See when he does it and who to and who he doesn't do it to. Do that for a couple of months to get a good picture, but you have to look at it calmly not emotionally.

@KatieWhitstable do you live together? If you do why are they 'his' eggs, why do the go where 'he' decides. The answers to those questions would help me decide if he's an abusive controlling person or not.

Leave him at home next time and she can babysit both your kids!!
Pathetic.

Reading between the lines of the two comments, I imagine your mum probably makes a lot of comments about how you should do thinks and how her way is correct? If that’s that case then it would be overbearing and too much, and actually just plain rude and annoying.

He needs to grow up.

Get her to change it to “eggcellent” time.

I do worry that whenever women ask a query on here like this, when it is absolutely obvious their partner is being completely ridiculous, that they are being gaslit in to completely losing sight of what normal is.

I agree, countless times I see posts asking stuff like this where it's perfectly obvious that the other person is behaving in an unquestionably unreasonable manner and I think why the hell do you need to even ask

I think this is really excellent advice from chowtime

If it seems like he has multiple minor issues with your family, try and take a really objective look at how he behaves. He could be trying to isolate you.

Jesus - he should be grateful your DD has a loving grandma who's happy to take care of her! We've never had family nearby and would be so grateful for this type of help.
Anyway, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what your mum says. I don't know - maybe (to him) she says it in a slightly irritating way but even so you just put up with minor irritations to maintain familial harmony.

We all have different ways of dealing with things but I wouldn’t be speaking to mum. I’d be speaking to the OH who’s being utterly ridiculous about the lovely day turn of phrase. Surely he should be grateful for the childcare nanna is doing not complaining about the way she lets you know what has gone during the day
.
As to the eggs I have no idea who’s in the right about storage (mine have always been kept in the fridge and we’ve never come to any harm) but he’ should man up and and tell OP’s mum himself if he doesn’t want her to pass comments like this.

Unsolicited advice is undoubtedly annoying but surely a grown man can find a way of telling his child’s nanna nicely that her advice is not needed.

This is exactly the reason for posting.

If he's that bothered by it tell him that after a full day of looking after
DD he can phone your Mum each time to tell her "Olivia's had a lovely day with Daddy" to equal the score. Maybe that'll make him realise what a twonk he's being.

update

I’ve left him and I’m going no contact.

💔🙏🏼💔

This.
He is jealous of your Mum.

It seems like your DH is one of those men who doesn’t like being spoken to by women on anything but adoring tones. He’s a paranoid weirdo. And he’s wrong about eggs

😂😭

Don't mention it to your mum, or next time she might say "Olivia had a lovely time with Nana, but obviously nowhere near as lovely a time as when she's with His Royal Highness, the Amazing Father of the Century"

Hope you are ok ❤️

I can't say I'm surprised with your update, your original post rang alarm bells. Hope things start getting better for you 💐

Thanks for the update. This is good to hear. Hope you're coping okay with the transition. The relationships board is a good place to vent if you ever need.

Well done OP 👏. I hope it's gone OK, I can imagine it's been incredibly difficult.

Best of luck op!