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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

460 replies

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

OP posts:
Greenfishy · 09/07/2023 23:10

Nope. I couldn’t really afford to live on my own to be fair, but that’s certainly not why I’m with him. We are just a great team and I love him

flannelbritches · 09/07/2023 23:12

NoLeaveIt · 09/07/2023 22:55

I’m so sorry to hear that.It sounds horrendous. Are you just staying for your children’s benefit?

Show quote history

I’m hoping things will get better. I’ve received some really good advice on a different thread so I’m going to put a plan in place to try improve situation and make our marriage work xx

TwinTeensMum · 09/07/2023 23:19

I think you should have worded your question to ask what would they do if hypothetically they were unhappy in their marriage.

Many of the replies are based on the fact that they’re currently happily married.

Oblomov23 · 09/07/2023 23:20

I would. Or at least have a Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton adjoining house. Or an abroad city flat or wilderness shack that I could pop off to for 4 days for a bit of space, then return happily to Dh and ds's.

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 09/07/2023 23:43

flannelbritches · 09/07/2023 23:12

I’m hoping things will get better. I’ve received some really good advice on a different thread so I’m going to put a plan in place to try improve situation and make our marriage work xx

Show quote history

Good luck, I really hope things improve for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 09/07/2023 23:48

TwinTeensMum · 09/07/2023 23:19

I think you should have worded your question to ask what would they do if hypothetically they were unhappy in their marriage.

Many of the replies are based on the fact that they’re currently happily married.

Maybe, but I was interested in finding out what proportion of women are happy living with their partners rather than just stuck there for financial or other reasons.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 09/07/2023 23:49

Oblomov23 · 09/07/2023 23:20

I would. Or at least have a Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton adjoining house. Or an abroad city flat or wilderness shack that I could pop off to for 4 days for a bit of space, then return happily to Dh and ds's.

Yes, that sounds ideal

OP posts:
NCNC4 · 09/07/2023 23:58

I'm quite jealous, to be honest, of all the people here that are still madly in love with their partners. I loved mine at the beginning, but he's quite a difficult man and over the years he's chipped away at me and I actively dislike him a lot of the time. But it's not awful all of the time, so I stay... for now.

HappyOlz · 09/07/2023 23:58

YANBU
I would leave. I’m so unhappy.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 10/07/2023 00:00

If I could keep the same standard of living, and the kids, and property, in fact if I could have exactly the same life with or without DH then I would choose without. He’s not awful, just gets on my nerves and I’d just rather be alone. However, he provides very very well and I don’t dislike him, it’s fine, we trundle along but I’d just rather be without. Would never want to live with another partner, ever. I dream of living with just me and the kids.

SwordToFlamethrower · 10/07/2023 00:29

My husband is my best friend, I would be worse off alone because until I met him, I had never been so happy. He gives me security, unconditional love and our beautiful daughter.

We spend every day together for the last 7 years and we are always laughing and happy.

TickyTacky · 10/07/2023 00:34

Yanbu to ask the question, I certainly think that circumstance traps a lot of people once they've settled. However, I'd still choose to stay with my husband, he's my best friend. Though he is currently in the kitchen eating toast and I've had to ask how he manages to chew so loudly 😐

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 10/07/2023 00:45

It's interesting OP especially as most advice on here is to LTB.
Starting to wonder if it's those who're unhappy who are quick to say that.

There was a thread about a joke of hiding things from each other the other day and couldn't believe the amount of people hating on it and saying she should leave him. Despite OP saying it was a game they both enjoy.

My DH isn't perfect as neither am I but would rather be with him than without.

We met later in life and possibly appreciate each other more.
As I'd been single for so long, I know I can do it on my own, but nothing like having a best friend as a husband.

It's more wanting to be with him than needing to.

Jumpingthruhoops · 10/07/2023 00:55

Nope, not at all. After nearly 30 years together, my husband is still, quite easily, my favourite person to be around. We've created an amazing life together and make a great team. Wouldn't change a thing!

Carlou · 10/07/2023 05:56

NCNC4 · 07/07/2023 23:53

Me! I would!

I could actually afford to leave and buy my own house, but it would be a huge step down in terms of both house and area, plus I'd be paying a mortgage for much longer.

I'm really on the fence about whether to end things. It's not shit all the time, but it is quite shit quite a lot of the time.

Ditto... very similar circumstances here. Definitely not what I signed up for and definitely not the kind of person who I wanted to be with. But you live and learn. One day at a time.

C1N1C · 10/07/2023 06:01

It would be interesting to pose this to a male-majority forum.

I don't believe in divorce... Read into that what you will.

PermanentTemporary · 10/07/2023 06:02

I love dp an annoying amount. I miss him when he's not here, nothing is quite right. I've never missed anyone before. We make sense together. Financially we both bring things to the table but would be fine apart.

My relationship with my late dh was pretty complicated. It wasn't about finances though.

Tifalockhart · 10/07/2023 06:05

No way, DH is my best friend and I can’t, or don’t want to, imagine life without him.

smilesup · 10/07/2023 06:09

RestingMurderousFace · 08/07/2023 00:31

So many high earning, financially independent woman, blissfully married to their best friend. Who knew. 😆

I'm not high earning and would just about survive financially without DH but I actually love him. I'm working away this week and missing him loads. 23 years together lots of ups and downs but would do without him. Obviously he is annoying as I am sometimes but he is also my best friend. Makes me laugh every day, makes me breakfast in bed most days, we cuddle most nights all night long. We are very independent of each other as well and go out separately a couple of nights a week with friends or doing our hobbies which I think helps.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 10/07/2023 06:18

No, although my DH earns more that 3x my wage. He is the level headed sensible one, great with money and great fun to be around. We Have a lovely life.

Pawpatrolsucks · 10/07/2023 06:23

I love the positive replies. It depends on the day what I would do.
I think a lot would leave. It’s something I talk to my daughter about, how the most important thing she can do is make sure she can support herself no matter what.

noodlebugz · 10/07/2023 07:18

I’m glad you’ve corrected - I interpreted it as farts! 💨

TTCournumberthree · 10/07/2023 08:02

Definitely not, mine is my rock I couldn’t be parted from him for a thousand times of what we have now.

Feel for those who don’t have that sort of relationship.

SamanthaCaine · 10/07/2023 08:29

Not me, as I'm happily married but some of my friends are definitely in loveless, sexless marriage and turning the handle because of their lifestyles.

It's a common theme where the husbands earn multiples of six figures whilst they've not had great careers so their earning potential is low. Their husbands are pricks and had affairs but they don't want to give up the nice house/cars/holidays etc so carry on. Depressing.

In this respect they'd definitely leave if they had a way of maintaining the lifestyle.

But it's great to hear from so many happy women. This is completely at odds with how MN usually is!

RavenofEngland · 10/07/2023 10:19

3 or 4 years ago I would’ve said no. I had what I thought was a happy marriage, two lovely children and a home. Granted I’m renting, but that’s beside the point. Fast forward to now, my husband has left me and I’ve been on my own with the two children for over a year. I can’t deny that it’s been hard. I’ve taken over the responsibility of paying the rent, and trying to keep my children, happy, housed and fed. I have had to claim UC in order to afford paying the rent, and I’ve done my absolute best to try and keep the same standard of living without him.