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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

460 replies

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

OP posts:
slowsundays · 09/07/2023 00:43

Not a chance in hell.

LadyLardy · 09/07/2023 00:50

This reply has been deleted

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SueVineer · 09/07/2023 00:56

NoLeaveIt · 07/07/2023 23:47

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

Dunno about the majority but definitely a lot would

dreamonlucid · 09/07/2023 01:17

I'd be in the leave camp.. the man bores me stupid and has started to potter and dither. I'd like to get out..

But it's so lovely hearing the positive relationships.

Avondale89 · 09/07/2023 01:32

No. I‘m the breadwinner, so standard of living is not relevant. However I do sympathise with women who do feel as though they’re trapped in a toxic relationship by finances, or for any other reason.

Saschka · 09/07/2023 01:42

I think the most popular age for divorce is in your early 50s, ie when most people’s children are getting to the age where they might be going off to uni.

It is hard to split when you have children - smaller house, less money, harder to juggle day to day childcare, potential hit to your career. It wouldn’t be surprising if people hung on until their kids left home, and they could then downsize and have a nice place to themselves.

Saschka · 09/07/2023 01:46

And yep, I also think more men than women change for the worse as they get older. I meet plenty of older women I would happily live with, but very few older men. Lots of bores, lots of mitherers, lots taking to their pipe and slippers. Their wives are uniformly intelligent and interesting women.

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 09/07/2023 03:39

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What a disgusting thing to say. You should be ashamed of yourself

OP posts:
DelayDismay84321 · 09/07/2023 09:05

I am happy

I am financially independent from my partner & have always been

We can go our separate ways at any time

However I am aware that some other people live their lives differently. I expect that I am in a minority

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/07/2023 10:34

My dh is my best friend, so no.

Elmo230885 · 09/07/2023 11:04

I could have the same lifestyle without my DH financially but my life wouldn't be what it is now. I love DH, we have a life & children together. We support each other emotionally and practically. We have shared interests & separate interests and we challenge each other. Of course there are days when we annoy each other but ultimately I can't imagine my life without him.

anon666 · 09/07/2023 17:46

No, I'd still be with him if it went the other way and I'd be better off financially.

I do genuinely love him.

We all have times where we grumble at the status quo, but if anything happened to him I'd be in bits.

MrsPetty · 09/07/2023 17:47

Not a chance. I’m nuts about my DH!

Leastsaidsoonestscrewed · 09/07/2023 17:53

Purplepeaches123 · 08/07/2023 15:25

I agree. We wouldn’t have lasted this long in that sort of relationship!

Show quote history

Well I wouldn't last long in a 'joined at the hip, we do everything together' one, so, 🤔

Leastsaidsoonestscrewed · 09/07/2023 17:54

NoLeaveIt · 09/07/2023 03:39

What a disgusting thing to say. You should be ashamed of yourself

Show quote history

Rats now I want to know what they said. Gist?

HappiestSleeping · 09/07/2023 17:59

My life has been enriched beyond belief by my wife. She is undoubtedly the best thing that ever happened to me. Whether she knows it or not, she has been the driver for me to want to be the best version of me that I possibly could. We could be wealthy or poor and I'd still want to be either with her.

Overnightoats1 · 09/07/2023 18:03

I have a brilliant husband ... wouldn't want to do life without him regardless of how much money we had or didn't have.

BMrs · 09/07/2023 18:03

Nope, I adore him. We're a good team and I love spending time with him.

Kay286 · 09/07/2023 18:05

Nope I love my husband very much we’re awesome team and I’m incredibly lucky he is such a decent guy …. I read in horror some of the posts and shit people put with with from their OH and cannot contemplate a marriage like that !

EllysMom · 09/07/2023 18:15

I am in a marriage that I would prefer not to be in. He’s cheated on me twice and doesn’t do much to help round the house. He talks at me about stuff I couldn’t care less about and turned out not to be intelligent enough to have any decent conversation with. However, we have a child together and I have chosen to stay with him in our family home and spend all my time raising our child, over leaving him, living in a flat and having to miss out on my child regularly. My child is where I get my happiness and I’m not willing to forego that while she’s young.

Slavica · 09/07/2023 18:22

I know women who would, but I'm lucky to be among those who definitely wouldn't. We have our share of issues, but are soon to be married for 16 years and still love and respect each other. We both do our own thing a lot, which works for us - I couldn't be with someone 24/7 - but we are each other's supporters and cheerleaders.
My DH had surgery last week and it didn't look good around day 2 in recovery. It really made me realize just how much I appreciate and love him. He came home yesterday and is recovering, I am so thankful.

Riv · 09/07/2023 18:25

I didn't live with anyone before I met and married my DP some 35 years ago. I wasn't looking for a partner, but he seemed so right we married within a short time. We were both older than average at the time and had had plenty of "life" before we met.
I loved being on my own, but being with him is even better. We're life partners.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 09/07/2023 18:25

I would be better off without my husband and actually have time to myself which I don't get at the moment because I work part time and encouraged them all to do something they enjoyed for clubs, we have clubs 6 days a week I do all the running around , party's , birthdays, christmases etc no one would have anything if it want for me ! I do love him but he and I are both aware he's useless at times

DinoDaddy · 09/07/2023 18:28

Quite the opposite OP. I would take a much lower standard of living to stay with my DH. He is my everything.

TeddySunflowers · 09/07/2023 18:32

Nooo I love my husband. Been together 10 years, I'd be financially dandy without him but I couldn't bear to be without him.