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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong - hen weekend

175 replies

Sisterhenweekend · 07/07/2023 16:52

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away and gave them the list of guests. Two on the list were old friends only invited to the evening (they didn’t know this at this point).

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.

They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each). Two old friends now know they are evening guests only and are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

Bride has sent quite rude messages saying they were only invited because she felt bad and they are making themselves look rude and cheap (and calling out one for being still single) and they have sent equally rude messages back saying they didn’t even know why they were invited and it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

I am a mutual friend of them all and both sides are complaining to me. I know who I think is unreasonable but I’d like other options please.

YABU - friends are unreasonable
YANBU - bride and sisters are unreasonable

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 16:54

I think expecting someone to shell out for a hen do (and I assume pay towards the brides hen) and only inviting them to the evening is shitty

jotunn · 07/07/2023 16:55

Yanbu. The friends are right.

ivfregret · 07/07/2023 16:56

YANBU - the brides sisters are taking the complete piss and if I were the friends I'd have probably dropped out too - and generally I'm pretty laid back with such things but they're out of order

Xeren · 07/07/2023 16:56

If I was one of the evening friends I wouldn’t bother to turn up either. And to criticise someone for being single? What a nasty thing to say. Bride should be careful she doesn’t become single one day herself!

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 16:57

the bride sounds appalling. Truly

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 16:57

I should add to that DP was in a situation recently, he paid HUNDREDS of pounds for a stag do to a U.K. city for one of his oldest friends, he was then invited to the wedding and just had an evening invite, and of course the invite asked for a cash gift and he was a more than a bit put out that he paid so much to go on this stag, including his share of the stags costs, to then be only invited to the evening (and of course asked for more cash), to a venue he needed to get a night in a hotel for so more expense, to not even get a free glass of champagne…

Smartiepants79 · 07/07/2023 16:58

Don’t book anything before checking everyone wants to pay for it first.
and don’t invite people that you apparently don’t really like to your hen do!
The bride and her sisters are rude and wrong!

Exasperatednow · 07/07/2023 16:58

I think the bride was incredible rude.

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 16:58

All sounds nasty and horrible

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 16:59

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 16:57

I should add to that DP was in a situation recently, he paid HUNDREDS of pounds for a stag do to a U.K. city for one of his oldest friends, he was then invited to the wedding and just had an evening invite, and of course the invite asked for a cash gift and he was a more than a bit put out that he paid so much to go on this stag, including his share of the stags costs, to then be only invited to the evening (and of course asked for more cash), to a venue he needed to get a night in a hotel for so more expense, to not even get a free glass of champagne…

The stag do was before the invitations were even issued? 😐

Pootles34 · 07/07/2023 16:59

She called them out for being single?! She's a cunt.

Createausername1970 · 07/07/2023 17:00

I am on the friends' side.

They are right in saying that costs and the need to book annual leave should have been made clearer sooner. Some may not be able to.

The bride's message was unnecessary.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 17:00

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 16:59

The stag do was before the invitations were even issued? 😐

Show quote history

Yep it was about 5 months before save the dates had been sent but invites went out about 3 months before? I think there was one slot for about 18 months for the venue…

AlltheFs · 07/07/2023 17:00

I would be ditching the wedding completely over such shitty behaviour from
the bride and family.

Popsicle42 · 07/07/2023 17:01

The bride sounds absolutely vile. If mutual friends were treated so badly, I think in your position I would also pull out of the hen do.

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 17:01

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 17:00

Yep it was about 5 months before save the dates had been sent but invites went out about 3 months before? I think there was one slot for about 18 months for the venue…

Show quote history

The save the date hadn’t even been sent! And he had his stab do? That is so bloody odd

Bibonelove · 07/07/2023 17:02

Seems mean to me, i wouldnt want to go either tbh

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 17:02

Oh dear Lord is this bitch bride your sister Op?

drunkpeacock · 07/07/2023 17:04

The bride was horrible, people can't be forced to attend your hen party they do it because they want to spend time with you.
The guests originally confirmed but then the price went up and there was a requirement to take the day off work, so these are really valid reasons to pull out.
The bride's messages were just out of order, she could apologise but I doubt this friendship can be saved really.

NotOnYourNellies · 07/07/2023 17:06

The sister & the bride have behaved appallingly, I'd drop out just knowing this about them
Those poor friends

Mabmabdwarf · 07/07/2023 17:06

Bride is a Bitch. It’s terrible to invite people to the hen and not to the wedding.

fgsstopbs · 07/07/2023 17:07

Bride is a massive bridezilla b*h!

minou123 · 07/07/2023 17:07

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.
They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each).

What was your reaction @Sisterhenweekend ?
Are you a bit annoyed the susters didn't check with you first before they booked it?

I can understand why your friends are annoyed about it. The bride was really rude.

ManateeFair · 07/07/2023 17:09

The bride is an absolute arsehole and the friends are totally in the right here. She doesn't like them enough to invite them to the whole wedding, but expects them to shell out for a hen do that entails a day off work and costs more than they were originally told, and then she accuses THEM of being rude and cheap? She's vile.

LadyJ2023 · 07/07/2023 17:13

Tbh the bridal side are in the wrong. First they should have confirmed before the booking and secondly weird not asking the other friends I personally think. All drama just stay neutral

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