Who is in the wrong - hen weekend

[Sisterhenweekend]

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away and gave them the list of guests. Two on the list were old friends only invited to the evening (they didn’t know this at this point).

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.

They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each). Two old friends now know they are evening guests only and are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

Bride has sent quite rude messages saying they were only invited because she felt bad and they are making themselves look rude and cheap (and calling out one for being still single) and they have sent equally rude messages back saying they didn’t even know why they were invited and it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

I am a mutual friend of them all and both sides are complaining to me. I know who I think is unreasonable but I’d like other options please.

YABU - friends are unreasonable
YANBU - bride and sisters are unreasonable

Is it the evening for the hen do or the wedding? OP needs to make it clear what they meant by "evening only".

If it's for the wedding, isn't the evening part the better part? The ceremony itself, anyone can attend if it's in a public place. If it's private, I go back to the fact that the evening reception/party is more fun.

A weekend for a hen night is selfish and grabby

on MN maybe, in the real world it's a fun weekend that most people look forward to. YOU might have principles against it, then decline, but some of us really enjoy the opportunity of a weekend on the beach or a fun city. No difference from flying away for a friend's birthday.

If I were you I'd tell the bride she's being a bridezilla and nasty spoilt bitch,
are you 12?
Bridzilla is having a ridiculous spat with some guests, nothing to do with the OP, why should the OP start a huge fuss and stir things up?

Wow I'm not sure if I could be friends with a bride like that. She sounds quite rude. Sounds like date and price weren't confirmed and shouldn't have been booked at £50 extra pp without checking. It is a lot in this current climate.

💯 with the friends. Bridezilla and her flaky sister are totally in the wrong.

Feel for you caught in crossfire. I’m totally backing the guests telling her to shove her wedding and hen weekend up her backside

I do know the bride is unreasonable, obviously but I genuinely wasn’t sure if ‘dropping out’ after it was booked was bad form as they originally said they’d go and the cost has now gone up for others. The bride is paying this not passing it onto her other hens.

So she bloody should.

I believe the bride wished one of girls good luck as she’d just started dating someone new but hasn’t had much luck before. But a bitchy good luck.

Why are you friends with this sour-faced cow?

“Calling some one out for being still single”. Does being single make someone some sort of sub-species or second class citizen then? What a bizarre thing to weaponise. Does the bride have anything else going for her other than starring in her own pantomime? Because it sounds like she’s forgotten that her wedding is of little importance to anyone else. Someone upthread called her a cunt, I think that covers it.

I wasn't sure from your OP if the friends were evening guests only for the wedding (which is reasonably rude) or evening guests only for the hen do (which would be mind-boggling)?

But all the hen do participants could afford the hen night? They're often quite expensive and this is a hen weekend as well.
If it's just a drink in your local town, it's a bit less bad.

'Weekend' hen nights are only a thing with middle - upper class Mumsnetters. In the real world, most women have neither the time, nor the annual leave, nor the money to spend on what could be several 'weekends' a year.

Are you 12? In case you didn't notice, the OP posted for advice. And it's not bad advice to recommend the OP show solidarity with the wronged women. In fact, it's the mature thing to advise.

"If it's for the wedding, isn't the evening part the better part? The ceremony itself, anyone can attend if it's in a public place. If it's private, I go back to the fact that the evening reception/party is more fun."

Apparently posh MNers do it differently, but for ordinary people, the evening part is not provided so you have to pay for your own drinks. It's obviously not the best part.
Yes, you can attend the ceremony, but not the dinner/reception afterwards. You mention reception/party, but 'evening do' is usually just the drinks and dancing after the dinner and a paying bar.

Only inviting people to the evening is really shitty, did she think they wouldn't notice everyone else had been out the whole day?
Hen organisers really shit not giving people firm dates at least, no way would I be able to take extra time off work at short notice.
Bride sounds awful.
I wouldn't be looking forward to going at all.

Also no way would I fork out for a hen if I was only invited to the evening drinks

“Calling some one out for being still single”.

How bizarre. I am single and love it!

The bride is a twit.

Who has evening guests for hen do? Bugger that! I’d pull out too.

Of course the notorious hen and stag paradise abroad are for the middle and upper class, Kate Middleton and her sister and all the others famously went to Benidorm or Magaluf.

In the real world, many of women are more than happy to spend a few of their annual leave on a weekend abroad with friends as long as it's nowhere near Benidorm or Magaluf Are you bitter because you can't?

recommend the OP show solidarity with the wronged women
the wronged woman who is exchanging insults with an ex-friend, why do you want the OP to pick a side and join the childish nonsense?

Again, 'Weekend' hen nights are only a thing with middle - upper class Mumsnetters. In the real world, most women have neither the time, nor the annual leave, nor the money to spend on what could be several 'weekends' a year. A few posters over the last couple of years said they had several in one year, one had 5 hen weekends she was expected to attend in the space of two months. It adds up unless you are rich.

The wronged woman defended herself against an attack from the bridezilla.

Are you the bridezilla or her sisters?

If I were one of the friends, I'd not only be bowing out of the hen weekend, I'd be bowing out of the friendship entirely.

Sisters are inconsiderate to book something without checking everyone can attend/afford it

Bride is an utter bratty entitled cretin for her entire contribution to this debacle.

"I don't want you at my actual wedding, but I want you to contribute to MY hen do. And if you don't I'll bitch about how cheap you are, and bully you for still being single"

Nah, friendship done. Over.

Wow, the bride and her sisters sound awful.

Are you the bridezilla or her sisters?

why, because I don't childishly encourage the OP to start insulting people?

Bride and her sisters are acting like arseholes

Why are you friends with the bride ? She sounds like an absolute twat

But @Minniliscious did you ask and expect them to travel to where you were holding the hen do, and did you charge them the same amount as you were charging the 'whole dayers'? If you didn't charge them the same, and if you didn't expect them to travel somewhere more than say 40 minutes away, then what you did was absolutely fine and normal Minni 😊

Inviting day and evening guests to the hen is fine I don't really see the issue. However I agree it would be better to know what type of guest you are to make a choice of wether to commit to the hen . But I would want a price and details before anything was booked. The sisters should have confirmed amounts before booking.

The bride has behaved appallingly.

No, you've misunderstood. It's about being invited to the whole WEDDING day rather than the whole HEN NIGHT DAY.