Who is in the wrong - hen weekend

[Sisterhenweekend]

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away and gave them the list of guests. Two on the list were old friends only invited to the evening (they didn’t know this at this point).

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.

They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each). Two old friends now know they are evening guests only and are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

Bride has sent quite rude messages saying they were only invited because she felt bad and they are making themselves look rude and cheap (and calling out one for being still single) and they have sent equally rude messages back saying they didn’t even know why they were invited and it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

I am a mutual friend of them all and both sides are complaining to me. I know who I think is unreasonable but I’d like other options please.

YABU - friends are unreasonable
YANBU - bride and sisters are unreasonable

The bride is a grade A cow. And her sisters couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery. It’s that simple.

YANBU if they're only invited to the evening I think a lot of people would make the same decision, as they'd know they're not really wanted.

The bride doesn't sound very nice at all, talking to them like that.

And you're still going to go to the hen and the wedding?? Ditch the bride and her sisters completely, why on earth would you want 'friends' like that??

I’m still struggling with the concept of calling someone out for being single. WTF??

Bride and sisters sound vile.

only inviting them to be evening guests at the wedding but expecting full attendance at the hen party is a shitty move.

Did they only invite them to the hen party to try and keep the costs down?

Also, yes organising a hen party or any party can be tricky but it’s really not hard to confirm that the arrangements suit everyone before booking. If you’re just going to go ahead and book without checking, be prepared for people to drop out.

The friends haven’t remotely behaved poorly. Yes the costs have gone up because they’ve dropped out but that’s not their problem. They never agreed to pay that cost in the first place. The sisters decided that for them.

Bride sounds like a bitch who should just be grateful anyone wants to attend her wedding let alone her hen party.

Absolutely this^

Damn talk about bridezilla and sisters doing way too much.

No one should be expected to pay for something they haven’t agreed to. Ridiculous.

Bride is hideous

Bride sounds like a fucking nasty bitch

I know I’m pretty old (50+) but back in my day in was pretty normal for friends of the bride to be evening guests at the wedding but still be at the hen do. But then a lot of weddings were still paid for by the parents who had a lot more say over the guest list. There was normally money put across the bar to for the latecomers.

So for example I’ve been to quite a few hen nights of work mates and only had an invite to the evening for the wedding. But this was when a hen do was dinner a stripper and a nightclub not a 5 * all inclusive in Mykonos. Times have changed a lot it seems

some posters take some threads so personally

@dontbejealousofmyartisticflair

I'm not taking it personally in the slightest dearie me 😂😂 it doesn't affect my life in any way whatsoever. Its a forum we can have opinions and that was my snap opinion..sorry 😂

Dropping out is perfectly reasonable as the price was over what was stated.

Is this one if those hen things where the entitled bride expects to have her holiday paid for by the guests? If so - I do not blame them dropping out at all.

If you're getting married then you should budget within your jeans, and that includes your hen. No one should foot your bill.
No one is entitled to the hen/wedding of their dreams. They should have the hen/wedding within their means.

@Sisterhenweekend
I would think twice about being friends with any of these people. Even the ones initially in the right made unnecessary comments, and the bride and her sisters were just disorganized and unreasonable.

In your place, I would find a more drama free friend circle.
'

You can't call someone out for being single. Being single is the default state, there's nothing in the slightest bit out of order about being single.

Dropping out after the goal posts were changed without any sort of discussion or consideration is absolutely fine. I would not be railroaded into paying through the nose for a hen weekend that hadn't been discussed before it was booked if I was a bridesmaid, never mind an evening guest!

I've attended hen weekends as a full day guest, I've attended hen nights as an evening guest. All of them were arranged with the full consent of everyone invited. If I chose to go to Paris or Marbella it was done with full cost, time and date breakdown, communicated properly by the hen organisers.

The bride and her sisters sound like arseholes.

Bride is an arse !

I had this recently.
Brides sister was arranging a weekend away.
I confirmed dates I could do and my maximum budget for the whole weekend including activities and food/drink. A few others did the same.
Heard nothing and then brides sister messaged to say everything was booked and wee needed to pay up. The cost for the accommodation was more than my stipulated budget, let alone the contribution to the food and drink kitty she wanted (I don't even drink!) and then activities. I politely declined, as did a few others. It felt a bit shitty as it then meant it cost more for the others but I couldn't have been clearer about what I was prepared to spend.
I felt like I had only been invited to bump up the numbers anyway and wasn't even attending the wedding (although I had been invited).

I wouldn't be associating with this bride or her sisters going forward.

You don’t just unilaterally book an expensive hen weekend before confirming who is coming. I was single for a long time and also ‘called out’ on it by friends who felt superior because they were getting married. Anyway, they aren’t my friends any more, your bride friend is a bitch.

I'd bail. The bride sounds vile.

Came to write this almost verbatim!
They should be ashamed of themselves.

it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

However you dress that one up, whether rudely or more politely, who would try and argue that it's perfectly sensible to jump from rough dates to confirmed booking, without checking everyone is on board with the approach and costs, or at least a budget?

Regardless of you loyalties, I am really not sure I could disagree with anyone making this point and would certainly not be trying to defend it.

Doesn't sound promising for a brilliantly organised event, I'd tend to keep clear. Soz.

Not sure why you need help on this one. The brides a prize B. What does 'calling one out for being single' even mean?

Agree, bride out of order here. And sisters too, asking people to take a day off work is ridiculous for a hen anyhow. I have been to a hen for an evening invite but it was a colleague who was honest from the outset and asked a few work buddies to come to the hen but not feel obliged. It was dinner and a few bottles of wine in a local restaurant, split bill at the end and we went clubbing after at our own expense. It was fine because everything was so reasonable.