Who is in the wrong - hen weekend

[Sisterhenweekend]

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away and gave them the list of guests. Two on the list were old friends only invited to the evening (they didn’t know this at this point).

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.

They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each). Two old friends now know they are evening guests only and are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

Bride has sent quite rude messages saying they were only invited because she felt bad and they are making themselves look rude and cheap (and calling out one for being still single) and they have sent equally rude messages back saying they didn’t even know why they were invited and it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

I am a mutual friend of them all and both sides are complaining to me. I know who I think is unreasonable but I’d like other options please.

YABU - friends are unreasonable
YANBU - bride and sisters are unreasonable

This all sounds unbelievably dysfunctional... and the bride sounds appallingly rude. I’m a firm believer than in relationships, romantic or otherwise it’s either a ‘hell yes’ or it’s a no. It’s kinder to not invite someone at all than to issue a pity half invite.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4840745-ive-been-unfaithful-and-i-dont-know-how-tell-dh?page=11&reply=127344976

You may have dodged a bullet.

Bride and her sisters sr BU

they should have double checked before booking

people are allowed to drop out

Yes. This seems a common thing now. CF behaviour in my humble opinion.

I think getting upset with an evening invite is a bit pathetic. I'd be quite happy with a hen do followed by an evening night out. Entitled to assume an invite to the day.

What it looks like from the perspective of those who pay up to attend the hen do and cover the cost of the bride is 'cash cow'. I was invited because you (hen) needed a 'rent-a-crowd' made up of people who could afford to pay to party with you.

The sneaky bit is the not letting the 'rent-a-crowd' know upfront that they are 'only' evening guests. I think that is where the bad blood comes from.

Bride has covered the cost. I'd be embarrassed if I was the friends in this situation. Go and have a good time. Enjoy the evening do. Instead of either of these things they'll be at home feeling bitter.

I think it's more about the bride's rude comments and sister's horrible job at organizing the event. You don't book something without confirming the price & details with the invitees.

They sound awful.

A bit useless. Not awful.

If the reason had been that then fair enough. But they decided they hadn't got an invite so stroped off. Then the bride was a bitch and sent nasty messages. Neither side acted well but the friends were a bit dramatic.

I say this as someone who would be quite happy with a hen and evening invite. Even no invite, I'd be puzzled but that would be the end of it.

Bridezilla!!

I don’t think everyone invited to the hen do has to be invited to the whole wedding though…. Weddings are expensive

Depends how many are going to each, really. 200 people at the wedding breakfast and just one Hen only invited to the evening, rude. 20 at the breakfast, half of the Hens only have evening invitations, fair enough.

Bride sounds vile. Sisters sound stupid.

I could not watch that go down and still go.

The bride should have graciously accepted the cancellation. I personally wouldn’t have opted out if the person was a true friend. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case though.

The bride sounds awful. She took the first swing and no one has to tolerate anyone’s BS. She’s ruined her own hen do and I’d be surprised if more don’t opt out after considering her manner.

I got an evening invite to a friend's wedding when I'd expected a full invite as we are close friends. I got invited to the Hen Do but dislocated my thumb and was on heavy meds so had to cancel. My friend was lovely about it and said she hoped I'd be feeling up to the wedding (I went to the ceremony too). I was gutted about the Hen Do and was full of apologies.

This is how mature adults behave. Everyone in this story seems to have acted in an extremely petty way and sulked like toddlers.

Only 2 posts from the OP. And changed name to sisterhenweekend. My guess is she is one of the sisters.

I don't think it's pathetic at all. It's the bride saying the 'friend' is a good enough friend to celebrate with them on a (n expensive, all-out, holiday-day taking do) but not good enough to get a drink and a meal at the wedding - while also fully expecting the 'friend' to .stump up for yet another gift (beyond the gift of the expensive hen do events).

If it's really not cheeky fuckery, the bride would have been up front about it with the 'friends' when the hen event was being discussed.

sure! But be up front about it!

Personally i would drop out of a group thing where people are behaving like this before the event has even happened because it will be more of the same if not worse on the day!
They are all rude & need to grow up!

The brides sisters only asked about dates & only gave estimated costs for the weekend.
They should have confirmed days & final costs WITH EVERYONE INVITED before making the final booking!
Their mistake so they need to deal with the fall out not blame others!

How bizarre to only have evening guests to a hen do, I’ve never heard of that before!
Or do you mean they’re evening guests at the actual wedding?

This!

We had a friend who wanted my partner to spend hundreds to go on a tacky stag and we were only evening guests. Fuck that!

im not twisty about being evening guests at all but if we’re that special you’re upset he isn’t coming on the stag then you’d think we’d have a full invite

YANBU - I worry for the future husband 😥. Doesn't sound like a great lady that he's going to be marrying. This hen-do stuff is tricky. I hear about situations like this regularly. Costs always end up more than projected. Someone always drops out before paying. The rest always have to pay more. People - fix an amount up front, ask for it before you book, only book for those who have paid and then book something that costs less and refund diff.

I think that if I got invited to only the evening part, after the meal and some of the fun; my gift would reflect that. A $10 GC and a book about manners would be my go to, IF I went, which I would not. Inviting people only to the evening part is nothing more than gift-begging. "We don't want you there during the day or to feed you, let you have a toast, etc., but we still want you to give us a gift. Or, and spend money on me for a hen-do that I figure you are dumb enough to go to after I treated you like shite and picked others above you for the IMPORTANT stuff."

Thanks, but, no thanks.

Agree, @Nanaof1 I've always thought evening-only invitations were tacky. Put people to all that trouble for what, a loud DJ, cash bar and maybe a sausage roll?

Not worth my time or effort. And rude to expect people to pony up for a hen do (and share the costs for the bride) only to be second-class citizens when it comes to the actual wedding.

Only members of the wedding party should really be expected to do the hen/stag. Those messes have gotten out of control, too.