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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong - hen weekend

175 replies

Sisterhenweekend · 07/07/2023 16:52

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away and gave them the list of guests. Two on the list were old friends only invited to the evening (they didn’t know this at this point).

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.

They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each). Two old friends now know they are evening guests only and are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

Bride has sent quite rude messages saying they were only invited because she felt bad and they are making themselves look rude and cheap (and calling out one for being still single) and they have sent equally rude messages back saying they didn’t even know why they were invited and it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

I am a mutual friend of them all and both sides are complaining to me. I know who I think is unreasonable but I’d like other options please.

YABU - friends are unreasonable
YANBU - bride and sisters are unreasonable

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 07/07/2023 17:55

It would be lovely if you all pulled out and ended up not going to the wedding!

ChrisPPancake · 07/07/2023 18:00

Bride/sisters definitely in the wrong.

Incognito2023 · 07/07/2023 18:00

Bride AND her sisters have behaved really badly - please tell us their reaction after you have shown them this thread OP…

dontbejealousofmyartisticflair · 07/07/2023 18:01

Minniliscious · 07/07/2023 17:55

I’m confused - not everyone on my hen night was invited to the entire day? I had no idea that was rude? It was 5 years ago but I feel bad now. We just couldn’t afford to have everyone all day.

did you at least tell them?

It's a bit odd unless you have a very intimate wedding. Either they are your friends and close enough to be invited, or they are not but then why inviting them to a hen night?

Original poster
Sisterhenweekend · 07/07/2023 18:02

@Minniliscious I think it could be seen as rude, if you’re happy for them to spend their money on attending your hen but not spend you’re own hosting them at your wedding.

I do know the bride is unreasonable, obviously but I genuinely wasn’t sure if ‘dropping out’ after it was booked was bad form as they originally said they’d go and the cost has now gone up for others. The bride is paying this not passing it onto her other hens.

I believe the bride wished one of girls good luck as she’d just started dating someone new but hasn’t had much luck before. But a bitchy good luck.

Thanks for all the responses - I will stop posting now incase it’s outing.

OP posts:
dontbejealousofmyartisticflair · 07/07/2023 18:02

Deathraystare · 07/07/2023 17:55

It would be lovely if you all pulled out and ended up not going to the wedding!

Why? that's a bit childish when you are not involved in the ridiculous argument.

Meeting · 07/07/2023 18:02

Bride and sisters are being unreasonable (and frankly CF) for all of the following -

-Expecting 2 people to pay for an attend a multiple day event for a bride who didn't invite them to her wedding ceremony.
-Asking people's budgets and availability, then completely ignoring these and booking it without asking people if it was okay.
-Going over what people were willing to pay.
-Expecting people to take a day off work for a hen party.
-Sending nasty messages to the 2 people who were only invited to keep costs down for everyone else after they realised this and backed out.

GuinnessBird · 07/07/2023 18:03

The bride needs a check up from the neck up.

SideWonder · 07/07/2023 18:05

The bride-to-be and her sisters have been very rude.

Tinkerbyebye · 07/07/2023 18:05

The bride and her sisters are incredibly rude, and if I was the op i would also now not be going (assuming invited) to either the hen or wedding and would no longer be friends with such rude people. The6 do it to some, at some point they will do it to you

MichelleScarn · 07/07/2023 18:05

I do know the bride is unreasonable, obviously but I genuinely wasn’t sure if ‘dropping out’ after it was booked was bad form as they originally said they’d go and the cost has now gone up for others. The bride is paying this not passing it onto her other hens.So do you think the 'not invited to the wedding' friends who have been insulted are still partially in the wrong for not going to celebrate someone who is rude about them?

BathroomOnTheRight · 07/07/2023 18:06

A weekend for a hen night is selfish and grabby, but the bridezilla really has gone overboard with her selfish and spiteful reply. If I were you I'd tell the bride she's being a bridezilla and nasty spoilt bitch, tell her I no longer want to go to either hen 'weekend' (wtf??) or wedding. What a 'c' she is!

whynotwhatknot · 07/07/2023 18:06

My dsis invited a fewpoeple toher hen that werent invited to the shole wedding-but they already knoew this and it was fine if they didnt want to come

this bride sounds really bitchy-you cant just say oh ive booked it can i have the money and oh you have to take time off work btw

Riverlee · 07/07/2023 18:08

I don’t think you should book a hen party whereby you expect people to take a day of work, before confirming they can take a day off. Only when you confirmed acceptances should you then book the event.

I think the fifty pounds extra depends on the cohort and price of hen party. Fifty pounds on top of a thousand budget, not bad. Fifty pounds on A hundred pounds budget, is a lot. Also, depends on how wealthy the guests are.

Killingmytime · 07/07/2023 18:08

I think i’d pull out. If that’s what the bride has truly said im not sure i’d want to stay friends with someone who could say such disgusting things.
let’s hope her dh never leaves her.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 07/07/2023 18:09

Utter cow for saying that stuff to the friends. Horrible behaviour and I wouldn’t be thinking twice about ending the friendship

Killingmytime · 07/07/2023 18:09

Sisterhenweekend · 07/07/2023 18:02

@Minniliscious I think it could be seen as rude, if you’re happy for them to spend their money on attending your hen but not spend you’re own hosting them at your wedding.

I do know the bride is unreasonable, obviously but I genuinely wasn’t sure if ‘dropping out’ after it was booked was bad form as they originally said they’d go and the cost has now gone up for others. The bride is paying this not passing it onto her other hens.

I believe the bride wished one of girls good luck as she’d just started dating someone new but hasn’t had much luck before. But a bitchy good luck.

Thanks for all the responses - I will stop posting now incase it’s outing.

Are you serious?? The bride sends those messages but the friends are the rude ones?

Upwiththelark76 · 07/07/2023 18:10

Bride and sisters are horrors …… I’m with the 2 old friends!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2023 18:12

Yanbu what an entitled bridezilla

CharlotteStreetW1 · 07/07/2023 18:13

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 16:54

I think expecting someone to shell out for a hen do (and I assume pay towards the brides hen) and only inviting them to the evening is shitty

Yep. Happened to me and the rest of our group were invited all day with their other halves.

I still had to get there, pay for a hotel, buy a gift etc and I didn't even get fed!

(And the hen weekend was shit)

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 07/07/2023 18:13

My friend was going to be a bridesmaid for a good friend. When the hen do details came out friend said to the bride she couldn't afford to go (was about £500) so the bride sacked her from being a bridesmaid and disinvited her from the wedding. Brides seem to love ruining friendships when it comes to their big days. These 2 should count it as a lucky escape.

JudgeAnderson · 07/07/2023 18:19

Bride and sister are monsters. Good on the friends for standing up for themselves. I'd stick with them and bin off the 'zillas if I were you.

MissChanandlerB0NG · 07/07/2023 18:20

I feel sorry for the friends.

SuperSange · 07/07/2023 18:21

So, OP; you're the bride or one of the sisters then? 🤣🤣🤣

OrwellianTimes · 07/07/2023 18:22

Bridezilla alert!

firmly team friends here.