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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong - hen weekend

175 replies

Sisterhenweekend · 07/07/2023 16:52

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away and gave them the list of guests. Two on the list were old friends only invited to the evening (they didn’t know this at this point).

Sisters sent out a message asking for availability for a weekend ie 22nd/23rd and a rough budget and then no further messages for a few months.

They got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed but it now required taking a day off work, was slightly more than agreed (£50 each). Two old friends now know they are evening guests only and are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

Bride has sent quite rude messages saying they were only invited because she felt bad and they are making themselves look rude and cheap (and calling out one for being still single) and they have sent equally rude messages back saying they didn’t even know why they were invited and it’s bad planning to not confirm full dates and cost before actually booking.

I am a mutual friend of them all and both sides are complaining to me. I know who I think is unreasonable but I’d like other options please.

YABU - friends are unreasonable
YANBU - bride and sisters are unreasonable

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/07/2023 17:15

Brides sisters should pay the delta for screwing it up.

Bride has lost the plot.

Exasperatednow · 07/07/2023 17:15

@Sisterhenweekend Are you still going?

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 17:18

are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

but only £50 x 2 so hardly substantial when spread over a group

ALittleBitAhAh · 07/07/2023 17:23

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 17:18

are dropping out which will increase the price for the others.

but only £50 x 2 so hardly substantial when spread over a group

I read it that it became £50 extra BEFORE the 2 dropped out. So more expensive than the original price by £50 plus covering the cost of the 2.

Bride is a twat.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 07/07/2023 17:26

The bride and her sisters are taking the absolute piss and are as rude and entitled as expecting them to fork out for a hen do (for different days and more money than agreed) and then only invite them to the evening portion.

The friends are 100% in the right here.

ActDottie · 07/07/2023 17:27

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/07/2023 16:54

I think expecting someone to shell out for a hen do (and I assume pay towards the brides hen) and only inviting them to the evening is shitty

This

midsomermurderess · 07/07/2023 17:30

The bride sounds like a spiteful, foot-stamping brat. It’s probably a wonder she has anyone to even ask to a hen do.

dontbejealousofmyartisticflair · 07/07/2023 17:30

got in touch to say it was booked and what everyone owed
first mistake, never book anything until you have the money.

Dropping out once you committed is a bit shit, but so is only inviting them in the evening. Having 2 tier guests is just so rude, at most evening invitations are for your mum's neighbours and your work colleagues but everybody else should be invited to the wedding, or not invited at all.

They are both in the wrong, but after they exchanged insults, they won't be in touch ever again

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 07/07/2023 17:34

Bride tasked her sisters with organising a hen weekend away

Bride is unreasonable. No more info needed. A weekend ffs

Stravaig · 07/07/2023 17:34

YOU are being unreasonable for having such shitty taste in friends. The bride in particular sounds absolutely vile.

Stickybackplasticbear · 07/07/2023 17:35

The bridesounds like a total bitch. Honestly this behaviour from her would have me re evaluating our friendship. Is she normally a total cow?

EvilElsa · 07/07/2023 17:36

The bride sounds an utter twat. Obviously she is the unreasonable dickhead here.
I wouldn't go to the evening segment (!) of a hen do like some second class citizen invited to top up the numbers and lessen the cost for the more important first class hens.
To be honest, if I had a friend who behaved like that towards people I'd be seriously rethinking our friendship and taking a huge step back.

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 17:38

The fact that the Op feels “stuck in the middle” and has started a discussion thread on it… would indicate she’s not shut this shit down with a “completely unreasonable and downright rude, and given how nasty you were - I’m having second thoughts about attending unless you think you can find it in yourself to apologise”

DemonicCaveMaggot · 07/07/2023 17:39

Team friends here.

In your shoes if any of these people asked for my opinion I would just tell them you are spending the rest of the year dead for tax reasons.

Talisin · 07/07/2023 17:40

Togiveandtoreceive · 07/07/2023 17:01

The save the date hadn’t even been sent! And he had his stab do? That is so bloody odd

Show quote history

I rather like ‘stab do’. Seems apt.

CakeBeautifulCake · 07/07/2023 17:43

Bride is a petty dickhead who doesn't deserve any friends.

Dintananadinta · 07/07/2023 17:47

Op grow a pair and tell the bride she's being nasty. Why would anyone be friends with someone like that.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 07/07/2023 17:47

Not only should you not need to ask who is being unreasonable here, but I think you need to reconsider your friendship with the bride. If I was the other friends, I'd want little to do with anyone who counted the bride as a friend. Also, I'm pretty sure one day the bride will shit on you too when she has to.

category12 · 07/07/2023 17:52

Wow, so they expect these mates to take annual leave, spend more than the original budget with no heads-up beforehand, and think the mates are being cheap & rude?

How far can they actually fit their heads up their own arses?

Quite a long way, it seems.

Caravanvirgin · 07/07/2023 17:52

Stickybackplasticbear · 07/07/2023 17:35

The bridesounds like a total bitch. Honestly this behaviour from her would have me re evaluating our friendship. Is she normally a total cow?

I agree.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 07/07/2023 17:52

The bride is unreasonable.

Firstly, it’s bad form to invite someone to your hen do when they’re not a full wedding guest - if you know them well enough to invite them to the hen do, you know them well enough to invite them to your wedding (unless you’re a) having an absolutely tiny wedding with virtually no-one invited and b) you’re upfront about this and everyone is OK with it).

Moving the goalposts after booking is also a shit thing to do, not everyone has the money spare or can take leave easily.

The bride getting nasty about it is bad enough but to make comment about one of the friends being single is just awful.

Both friends should tell the bride to shove her hen do, wedding and friendship up her arse.

OhComeOnFFS · 07/07/2023 17:53

Looks like the bride is on here - the 1% vote belongs to her!

Minniliscious · 07/07/2023 17:55

I’m confused - not everyone on my hen night was invited to the entire day? I had no idea that was rude? It was 5 years ago but I feel bad now. We just couldn’t afford to have everyone all day.

GrapeHyacinth · 07/07/2023 17:55

What did the bride say about the woman being single? Bit below the belt!

HarrietStyles · 07/07/2023 17:55

The bride and sisters are utterly unreasonable. If I were you I would also drop out of the hen weekend and consider ending friendships and not attending the wedding. What entitled nasty behaviour.