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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to cook?

292 replies

BumbleBee2023 · 07/07/2023 14:11

Probably a really petty AIBU for a Friday afternoon but hey ho!

My MIL comes round most days for dinner, She'll happily eat whatever DH cooks but when I cook for her I get constant complaints.
"You haven't used enough salt." "I don't like eating that anymore. It doesn't taste the same these days." Etc.
The other day I cooked a big roast dinner and used plenty of salt and pepper as I knew she'd complain.. for her not to even eat it. Just looked at it and told me there wasn't enough salt and threw it in the bin in front of me!

I've told DH I'm no longer cooking for her as I find it rude & a waste of food.
AIBU? To just not dish her any food up and eat my meal in front of her?

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 08/07/2023 13:45

zingally · 08/07/2023 13:37

Time to fight fire with fire. Next time she's over, do a plate for everyone apart from her.
Say nothing, but if she queries it, "the last meal I cooked for you, you put the whole lot in the bin... So...?"

Or tell her you saved her the trouble and binned it for her. (Not really binned of course).

red78hot · 08/07/2023 13:48

She wouldn't be coming to my house ever again. Very rude woman.

red78hot · 08/07/2023 13:51

Fraaahnces · 08/07/2023 12:58

Can you get her a salt lick like they give wild deer to survive the winter?

I'm dying 🤣 🤣🤣🤣

IcakethereforeIam · 08/07/2023 13:57

Here you go OP, the 1 kg is currently out of stock (obviously a widespread problem) but I think 2 kg might be more useful for your situation 😁

https://wholefoodearth.com/p/wholefood-earth-himalayan-pink-salt-lick?variant=13722543194181

https://wholefoodearth.com/p/wholefood-earth-himalayan-pink-salt-lick?variant=13722543194181

ASimpleLampoon · 08/07/2023 13:59

Wow OP Can I come round for a roast? As an unpaid carer with no support I D be so grateful for someone to cook for me. Can't remember the last time it happened.

What an awful spoiled brat.

What is your DH doing to stick up for you?

He should be banning her until she learns to behave.

Cornishclio · 08/07/2023 14:03

I think you need some boundaries to stop her coming over most days. Well done on not cooking for her. Do the DC comment on her behaviour?

Gymnopedie · 08/07/2023 14:05

BumbleBee2023 · 08/07/2023 11:37

Well she came over yesterday.
I didn't plate her any food. Just sat at the table with dc and ate my own.
She had the cheek to complain to DH who told her that she was rude the other day about my cooking and I don't want to cook for her if she's like that.
She grumbled and moaned about it, and then plated herself some that was left over (small toddler portion) and ate it and didn't say a word.

I just can't win.

But I think you did win. You made your point and DH backed you up. So she had to slink off and make do with whatever was left over.

It'll be interesting to see what happens if she comes over tonight.

RobertsRadio · 08/07/2023 14:21

IcakethereforeIam · 08/07/2023 13:57

Here you go OP, the 1 kg is currently out of stock (obviously a widespread problem) but I think 2 kg might be more useful for your situation 😁

https://wholefoodearth.com/p/wholefood-earth-himalayan-pink-salt-lick?variant=13722543194181

Oh yes Op, do buy that for her.

I can't believe someone in their fifties expects to be cooked and served up a meal every day. I thought you were going to say she was in her eighties. If she doesn't like cooking for herself give her the numbers of the local takeaway restaurants. Cheeky mare.

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/07/2023 14:26

Fraaahnces · 08/07/2023 12:58

Can you get her a salt lick like they give wild deer to survive the winter?

They give salt licks to cows, too.

Just sayin'

Grin
huntingcunting · 08/07/2023 14:31

It was a win!a
You didn't put food out for her and when she complained DH told her she was rude. She then went and got some of the food and then ate it, presumably without further complaint?
I'd continue not plating up food for her. If she decides she wants some she can get it herself.

diddl · 08/07/2023 14:38

Cannot believe that she wasn't told to leave and never return tbh!

Could you let her think that your husband has cooked when you have-would she eat it?

I agree with the others that it does sound like a win.

The other thing would be to tell her not to come round on whatever nights you cook.

Sallyh87 · 08/07/2023 14:41

What culture / religion is this kind of behaviour acceptable in?

Well done on not serving her yesterday? And good that your DH stood up for you.

I wish someone would make a roast for me 😂

IcakethereforeIam · 08/07/2023 14:45

Next time she wants a roast, give her this thread to read!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/07/2023 14:57

YouJustDoYou · 08/07/2023 06:13

Just don't serve her anything next time. "I don't want my food thrown in the bin like last time. No one can afford to waste food like that these days".

I’d definitely do this, @BumbleBee2023 - @YouJustDoYou is absolutely spot on.

Takenoprisoner · 08/07/2023 15:02

You have won. You ignored her, refused to plate up her food, so she had to do it herself and ate without comment. That's winning.

Do this EVERY TIME from now now. She can serve herself if she wants, but don't be waiting on her. And if she moans at all, you can say, 'well no one told you to eat it, did they?'

SinnerBoy · 08/07/2023 15:03

BumbleBee2023 · Today 11:37

^I didn't plate her any food. Just sat at the table with dc and ate my own.
She had the cheek to complain to DH who told her that she was rude the other day about my cooking and I don't want to cook for her if she's like that.
She grumbled and moaned about it, and then plated herself some that was left over (small toddler portion) and ate it and didn't say a word. I just can't win.^

Oh, but you have one this one! She now knows that you've had enough of her bullshit and your husband has backed you up, telling her that she was rude (not that she needed to be told) and letting her know that she can go hungry.

Good for you!

Jessica0508 · 08/07/2023 15:34

Wow! That’s unbelievable… not petty at all. I think the most shocking part to this is you haven’t explained any backup your husband provided? Did he really not say anything to her? She needs to apologise; what a vile woman!!

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 15:35

huntingcunting · 08/07/2023 14:31

It was a win!a
You didn't put food out for her and when she complained DH told her she was rude. She then went and got some of the food and then ate it, presumably without further complaint?
I'd continue not plating up food for her. If she decides she wants some she can get it herself.

Not a win.

A win would have been her being sent home to make her own meal

She still ate food the OP had made, however small a portion

Tessabelle74 · 08/07/2023 15:38

If my husband allowed his mother to treat me this way, he'd be an ex husband!

katepilar · 08/07/2023 15:54

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2023 09:58

Or she's just a bloody bully!!!

Stop making excuses for these people. Some really are just horrible

Show quote history

Looking for explanation why people have unacceptable behaviour isnt the same as making excuses.

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/07/2023 16:11

Next time make sure there are no leftovers @BumbleBee2023 .

No one should put up with this because of their 'culture', it's abuse nothing else.

bobotothegogo · 08/07/2023 16:37

This is blatantly about putting/keeping you in your place. I have a similar MIL who really struggles to give me compliments. Eg I slaved over Christmas dinner and she raved about... the jug of tap water and ice I put on the table! DH heats up a frozen pizza and you'd think he'd served Michelin star cuisine!

Absolutely you should refuse to host her at all until there is an apology and a change of attitude and H should address it with her properly!

smooththecat · 08/07/2023 16:37

She’s a complete prick.

butterpuffed · 08/07/2023 16:47

Threw it in the bin 😳. You called this a 'petty AIBU' , I'd call it a justified one . I'd tell her I'm not cooking for her again .

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 08/07/2023 17:09

Milcar · 08/07/2023 12:47

Yes, dish for everyone else, and tell her she's welcome to help herself, if she chooses. Or can cook for herself when she goes home, if she doesn't like your cooking. But not to dish herself food she will throw away, as you don't like waste given the cost of living situation.

Yes, and clearly let her know there is food there is she chooses to eat it but you're not plating up a meal for her to turn her nose up at it and waste it.
This might sound like a small change but it's a clear message you won't be treated like this.

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