Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ditch pregnant guest?

344 replies

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:01

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality.

we’d arrange for them to visit and we have got DCs looked after with the plan to go out out, lots of drinks etc. DP and I have not been out kid free for over a year.

Theyve arrived this afternoon with the great news they are expecting DC1. Really great news and we’re super excited for them. She now, understandably, doesn’t want to go out. Feels tired and sick.

Are we being unreasonable (DP and I?) to say they can make themselves at home, but we’re still going?? We really need this night out and getting 4 DCs looked after is no mean feat with limited family available.

OP posts:
Kteeb1 · 08/07/2023 19:08

I'm obviously in the minority here but I think you're a CF. You seem to only tolerate them for what they do for your parents and child. You invite guests over and then ditch them???? That's just not polite at all and I can't believe so many people think this is fine. If my friend came over for the weekend and didn't want to go out for whatever reason I'd respect that. I want to see her. You are friends for the benefits only.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 08/07/2023 19:09

Theyve arrived this afternoon[ THURSDAY] with the great news they are expecting DC1.

Please read the dates of the posts.

The guests arrived on Thursday.

This is now old news, old thread.
OP signed off yesterday (or the day before.)

YerArseInParsley · 08/07/2023 19:20

How is a pregnant woman feeling tired and sick selfish for not wanting to go out because ahe feels TIRED AND SICK? I really don't get some of these replies I really don't.

Plipplopdrop · 08/07/2023 19:23

I know the thread is done and dusted now, but I'm really surprised that anyone thought it was reasonable to leave guests behind to go out

Gingerstars · 08/07/2023 19:25

Yabu. The friend has come to stay with you. Also

berryhol · 08/07/2023 19:25

I would meet in the middle, go out for a meal ( you can have drinks) then when you come home make a few cocktails/mocktails

Ghosttofu99 · 08/07/2023 19:28

So you were happy for them to entertain your 4 dcs and your elderly parents as you said in your original op but as soon as they need help with pregnancy and kids you can’t be arsed. You have no idea if the pregnancy is high risk but assume your friend is a drama queen. You sound a bit miffed at having to share the ‘limelight’ of having kids with someone else. If you let the friendship fizzle out you’ll one day both have grown up kids and be wondering if you made the right choice.

Elliecat7 · 08/07/2023 19:30

If you talk to them, they’ll tell you what you want to hear and secretly resent you. They didn’t come to visit you only to have you abandon them. That tells them how little their friendship is to you and how much you prioritize your wants over their company. Rude and ignorant, but somehow I think you’ll go anyway. You’re just asking so you can get validation from others like you.

Pottedpalm · 08/07/2023 19:30

Kteeb1 · 08/07/2023 19:08

I'm obviously in the minority here but I think you're a CF. You seem to only tolerate them for what they do for your parents and child. You invite guests over and then ditch them???? That's just not polite at all and I can't believe so many people think this is fine. If my friend came over for the weekend and didn't want to go out for whatever reason I'd respect that. I want to see her. You are friends for the benefits only.

I agree

WMA · 08/07/2023 19:38

If they were decent friends, they would’ve already offered to baby sit to let you go out. NTAH

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/07/2023 19:54

Elliecat7 · 08/07/2023 19:30

If you talk to them, they’ll tell you what you want to hear and secretly resent you. They didn’t come to visit you only to have you abandon them. That tells them how little their friendship is to you and how much you prioritize your wants over their company. Rude and ignorant, but somehow I think you’ll go anyway. You’re just asking so you can get validation from others like you.

Why is it ok for the visitors to unilaterally change the agreed-upon plan, knowing full well the preparation OP has made?

Mari9999 · 08/07/2023 19:56

@Sofasandslobbies
I don't think that there are many acceptable reason's for leaving your guest alone while you go out Obviously, while finding child care may be difficult, it is not impossible.

You do no sound like good hosts or good friends to even consider such an action.

Elliecat7 · 08/07/2023 20:00

Change of circumstances

Violetlondon · 08/07/2023 20:02

Oh OP… this is a very outing post! My friends have just announced their first pregnancy (to me in person, not on social media) and they’ve also gone away this weekend to see friends - I really do hope this is not about them! But it’s a small world out there, and I think you should remove this post immediately. I know for certain, if this is actually about my friends, they will be more upset about this post than you realise. Don’t make them feel guilty about ‘ruining’ your plans. Just be happy to see them and make a night in - with lots of alcohol for you!

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 08/07/2023 20:14

ChekhovsMum · 07/07/2023 03:28

Has everyone who is posting trashing the pregnant guest actually had exhaustion and sickness in the first trimester? It comes at random, and it’s debilitating. She probably thought this morning that she’d be up for going out, didn’t want to let her other half or you down, and now knows she made a mistake in coming but can’t say so.

If a guest had started feeling sick for any other reason, what would you do?

I did. She can have a night in if he wishes, if she us really that tired she won’t manage a night in either.

Let her to rest and go out. How big is the group?

Brightandshining · 08/07/2023 20:15

I think you should still go. As someone who is pregnant I would not expect people to change their long held plans which I was well aware of just for me. I would stay in, watch a film and get an early night. I understand how hard it is to get childcare

Grrrrdarling · 08/07/2023 20:20

Sofasandslobbies · 07/07/2023 00:01

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality.

we’d arrange for them to visit and we have got DCs looked after with the plan to go out out, lots of drinks etc. DP and I have not been out kid free for over a year.

Theyve arrived this afternoon with the great news they are expecting DC1. Really great news and we’re super excited for them. She now, understandably, doesn’t want to go out. Feels tired and sick.

Are we being unreasonable (DP and I?) to say they can make themselves at home, but we’re still going?? We really need this night out and getting 4 DCs looked after is no mean feat with limited family available.

YANBU… have a wonderful night.

Feetupteashot · 08/07/2023 20:27

If you offer her a early night kid free she will probs bite your hand off

YellowBrickRoadWithPotholes · 08/07/2023 21:35

Pottedpalm · 08/07/2023 19:30

I agree

Show quote history

This - unbelievably rude to treat guests like this - there will be things they can’t do this weekend because they set the time aside to travel and see you, it’s not all about you and yours

ITryHarder · 08/07/2023 21:41

I wish you had explained more about them being "usually quite hard work". Is everything always all about them?

As it is, yes, you should cancel your plans. The fact that you asked at all suggests you already know this. Keep the kids around doing their normal things. Maybe she'll wish she had gone out. Ask the babysitter if she's free next week and make plans with another couple of friends.

Kirrrriii · 08/07/2023 22:01

I hope you went out! Why should your night be on hold, sorry to the ones who said you should stay in but NO! Why should your planned night out be wrecked for someone else, as a parent who hasn’t had a night out with her partner for 8 years because of childcare I understand! But you have done your pregnancy time, you have done your time in! You get out and enjoy your night!

i actually think it’s shitty of them to not say on the way up “look I’m not up for going out but you still go and if you need the kids to stay at home I’m happy to watch them” that way they didn’t wreck they surprise. if they are long time friends being in your house alone shouldn’t be awkward at all.

ahh never put your good times on hold for others! Who knows when you’ll get the chance to go out out again!

DetectiveDouche · 08/07/2023 22:29

TumbleweedRolling · 07/07/2023 00:12

Of course you don’t go out!
How weird!

⬆️ this. Would be most strange to have your guests to stay to enjoy time together… and then feck off out without them 👀

BabyBlue777 · 08/07/2023 22:43

I think you are being reasonable. Why not go out. If I was your friends I'd insist.

Cheeseandlobster · 08/07/2023 23:03

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/07/2023 00:58

This. They sound very selfish.

Show quote history

Agreed. When they have their dc they will realise

Caelan2018 · 08/07/2023 23:04

So they can to stay and have a catch up and you are leaving them at your house while you go out and get loaded I would never bother with ya again if I was her

Swipe left for the next trending thread