To buy a home without a room for my MIL?

[Mastmw7g]

We're buying a home and I was excited, then DH told MIL that all the bedrooms will be upstairs and she said she can't walk upstairs to sleep. My parents said something similar-- that my stepfather has knee problems that make navigating stairs difficult. I was so excited before but now I feel downtrodden that our families don't share our excitement.

Comfy sofa bed or hotel, OP. Perfectly workable solutions.

When younger and my parents able wouldn't have crossed my mind but now I would try to accommodate. Not as in buy a different house but make a comfortable sleeping area downstairs and make them feel welcome. Of course, if we had them all with us we would be elated to have this dilemma because when they've gone and you realise you don't have to think about these issues it hits hard! Please cherish your parents and appreciate they are getting older os almost I can say. X

There are some really nasty posts on here. (Not talking about OP here, because it was a reasonable question but some of the responses are horrible!) I can only assume some of you hate your parents and in-laws and never ask them for help with anything? Sometimes disability creeps up on you, or arrives unexpectedly and it's often sooner than you think! We're getting on a bit, but can manage stairs. I can still run up them, DH crawls due to severe disabilities, but gets there. Downstairs sofa beds are pretty comfy these days. My only proviso to anyone buying a house, young, old and everything in between, would be to look for or install a downstairs loo and basin - An extra shower is nice, but it's not essential. An extra loo - even if you've got young kids - is a godsend.

Could you build a cabin in the garden which they could sleep in? Just a thought 🤔

While sofa beds might be comfy, most are far lower than a standard bed, which makes it more difficult for someone with mobility issues to get in and out off.

However I think the most logical solution for MIL is a local hotel. Most will have rooms suitable for disabled access with extra grab rails on the shower etc Bed at a suitable height.

Take her back at bedtime and collect her in the morning.

Sofa bed in the lounge, though I suspect all bathrooms are upstairs too....

You buy a house for the people who will be living in it, not for guests. Yes, it can be nice if you can accommodate them (if you want to!) but, especially when they reach the stage when mobility is a problem, you just can’t. We have done this but the house is really close to a fully accessible chain hotel which is far better and safer for visitors with mobility problems. Ground floor room, wet room style shower with grab rails etc.

A sofa bed doesn’t really work for many older people, especially if they’ve developed mobility problems. So we didn’t go down the sofa bed route.

I'm surprised to hear those advocating OP buys a different house so that she can "be kind" to elderly relatives who visit infrequently. Housing costs are a serious intergenerational issue, anyone under 40 has much much less choice and frankly many simply can't afford to accommodate accessible spare rooms. It's madness to even consider.
But the house you need for your family op, relatives can rent a nearby Airbnb or get a hotel room unless they are offering to pay the massive costs associated with an extra downstairs bedroom

Reading your updates OP I think it’s not unreasonable for both sets of parents to mention their limitations. I wish I’d been more considerate of my parents’ mobility issues when I was younger, you only appreciate them when they start affecting you personally.

I don’t think they should dictate how you resolve the issues, but it’s helpful to know about them in advance so you can think of a solution you’re happy with. If they only visit for a few weeks a year, would one of the DC be prepared to decamp temporarily to a different room for the duration?

Stairlift???

I am 73 and have a torn miniscus in my knee but I manage to get up and down my stairs. I take my time and hold on really tight when coming down. Take no notice of them its your house enjoy it.