To buy a home without a room for my MIL?

[Mastmw7g]

We're buying a home and I was excited, then DH told MIL that all the bedrooms will be upstairs and she said she can't walk upstairs to sleep. My parents said something similar-- that my stepfather has knee problems that make navigating stairs difficult. I was so excited before but now I feel downtrodden that our families don't share our excitement.

I'm currently browsing futons, just to think about that. 50 is still young. I'm thinking more of 70+.

Surely they can sleep on a pull out bed in the living room.

They can’t expect you to stay in a flat if you have the option of a house for your family. Realistically most people will be in this situation. We have had my husband’s 90 year old grandma stay with us on a fold up bed downstairs in the living room and she’s managed the stairs to have a wash. They’re unlikely to get privacy and a downstairs bedroom. The only way you’d probably manage is if you found a house with a good sized room you could use as a playroom or an office and then convert it to a bedroom when they stay but you’d be paying a premium.

We have a spare room but chose a sofa bed instead of a proper bed. We value the space and need that for 50/52 weeks of the year when we don’t have anyone here.

....Or they can stay at a local travel Inn.

Posters saying that op should buy a house that suits both sets of grandparents sound so totally out of touch with the UK's housing situation that it's laughable.

Hotel?

This - as long as there is a downstairs toilet they will be fine.

good for you. You do realise that many people would LOVE guestroom and extra bathroom, but can barely afford the basic rooms they need?

You should have noticed the number of threads on here about people who can't even afford to buy a studio flat.

How do you want the OP to finance guest accommodation exactly? Take on ironing to earn extra cash maybe?

Are they substantially contributing to your purchase, if so I'd understand. If not then a sofa bed will suffice.

Not, ideal but our parents have always slept on raised up you ups as we don't have spare bedrooms. My friend's in-laws always stay at a B&B down the road.

Surprised by the responses. Your parents are family. If you love and care about them then of course it would matter to you that they can’t use the stairs. When we bought our place, husband and I made sure there was a spare guest room downstairs for my mother. We don’t believe in having hardened hearts towards those who took care of us growing up. But we’re Chinese and family comes first.

If they only visit twice a year, I certainly wouldn't be passing this house up if you really like it!
They have options -

Either they'll manage to get up the stairs (especially as there's a downstairs toilet, so not up and down all day)

They can put up with a sofa bed in whatever room you can put one

They stay in a hotel/B&B/Airb&b

If you love the house, go for it!

There's no way you should buy a different house because they are going to be staying a total of 4 weeks a year. It would cost more or perhaps be less suitable for your needs. Then you've got a bedroom downstairs unused for 11 months of the year which can't really be used for anything else as it's got a bed stuck in it. I don't think a sofa bed is a great idea for older people - can be very uncomfortable and difficult to get in and out of it.
I don't think you should install a stair lift - which again, will sit unused for 11 months of the year - nor a ruddy great shed outside which will costs thousands and they end up complaining about it too - difficult for them to cross the garden to get to it; whether is shit so they don't want to cross the garden; feel insecure outside - could be any number of objections.

You have to buy the house that suits you and they have to work round it. Can they really not walk upstairs at all? I mean, I'm sure it is difficult for them, but is it an absolute impossibility or is it more like it's uncomfortable and they might need to take a bit longer to get up there, or have someone help them up?
Because I think they both must be in a pretty bad way if they can't manage to get upstairs to bed, spend the whole night up there, shower etc in the morning and then come down again.
And if it is that bad then maybe you should be travelling to see them instead and as someone else said, if they are having mobility problems like this now, perhaps in a couple of years they won't be able to travel at all and then you will have bought a house to suit them which maybe doesn't suit your needs as well as this one.

If they can’t manage stairs then unlikely they’ll be able to take a sofa bed. Wait till you grow old.

What if this requirement meant you couldn't afford an appropriate house in your current area so either needed to live in a flat or move to a different area?

rich Chinese then if you can afford spare bedrooms.

Paying a nice rental or accessible hotel for a couple of weeks a year is going to be considerably cheaper and easier than trying to find a different house ...

Who knows, maybe ypure a mind reader, or a reverse mind reader?
Either ways, your feelings are valid to you.

Well then, YOU could try and help the OP the best you can and not be bothered by MY post.

Pretty low - even for mumsnet.

We are not rich at all but we hold high standards when it comes to taking care of our elders. They raised us, gave us food, clothed and educated us. Our parents sacrificed what they had so we could have a better life. Now that they’re older, it’s our turn to repay with love and gratitude. I’m pretty appalled that the responses here are all about me, myself and I.

We would compromise for our family.

Well, OP is sacrificing a spare bedroom downstairs so her children can have a better life.

What's good for me? I said next house. We can't afford a guest room at all now. Or a second toilet.
OPs house has a guest room upstairs and a downstairs toilet.
Round me a house with a downstairs extension is cheaper than an a purpose built bigger house. (Eg. 2 bed with converted garage vs a 3 bed). So it's not unreasonable to assume a downstairs guest room would be possible for op. Obviously it's up to them which house they buy.

I don't think everyone can get up stairs really.

I’m pretty appalled that the responses here are all about me, myself and I.

Op currently lives in a small flat with kids. We were in that same situation a couple of years ago and my absolute priority was giving my son a better home, with outdoor space and near good schools. I moved away from my home city so I could provide this for him.

My PIL wouldn't have dreamed of making demands of us about our decision of house - they understood that we had saved for a decade to get there and still made some life changing compromises.