To buy a home without a room for my MIL?

[Mastmw7g]

We're buying a home and I was excited, then DH told MIL that all the bedrooms will be upstairs and she said she can't walk upstairs to sleep. My parents said something similar-- that my stepfather has knee problems that make navigating stairs difficult. I was so excited before but now I feel downtrodden that our families don't share our excitement.

give us a break with your Chinese stereotypes will you.

Maybe the elders should have provided the kids with a better education, better opportunities allowing them to finance a big enough house to offer en-suite guests room convenient to meet their expectations?

I think the 99% of homeowners whose bedrooms and bathroom are upstairs probably manage OK

There is a massive backstory about the manipulative, sly old boot but I’ll leave that. Would you let your MIL dictate how you should decorate a room in your home?

Why? other people have explained what the housing situation is like and the cost involved of adaptations which they would have to pay themselves as the council wouldnt. People on this thread are acting as if its easy to just rustle up thousands of pounds when the cost of buying a house in the first place is very expensive. Of course people love their parents but love doesnt allow you to buy whatever it is you want, that takes money unfortunately. Love goes both ways surely and maybe the parents can contribute if the OP is struggling on her budget to find something that suits them too, surely that would be the most loving thing all round- mutual compromise from all involved

@FluffyFlannery

You are being a touch dramatic.

For what it's worth, I really like my PIL and would like them to visit more often, but the journey is a challenge for them.

Instead, I happily fly to their country as often as we can manage it and sleep on the worst sofa bed known to man so my son can see them regularly.

But if they had tried to make us feel bad about our choice of house after the immense struggle we'd had to get it, I would have thought a lot less of them.

What Chinese stereotypes? That we care for those who raised us? I thought that should be a given for every culture.

You’re not a great advert for modern British culture if that’s your cold response. Families come first.

Glad you can manage that. I can't sleep on a floor.

I don't think putting in a stairlift that will be in use for one week per year is actually a proportionate response to this issue either

So again, it’s about you. Not about family. I think I’m understanding the modern British mindset now.

Sad.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, most households in the UK don't have a dedicated spare room at all, let alone downstairs.

In my culture, kids come first. We work hard to help them become independent and successful adults, we don't have ridiculous expectations of them sacrificing everything to look after us, and plonk 100 of thousands out of thin air to buy a bigger home.

Each to their own.

My Chinese brother-in-Law and his siblings have never shared any of your ridiculously dramatic comments, and they are still a very close family. Despite the excessive covid restrictions that have affected China harder and longer than people realise.

So again, it’s about you. Not about family. I think I’m understanding the modern British mindset now.

China has one of the lowest birth rates in the world at the moment. Sounds like young people there aren't thinking about family much these days

Are they truly unable to manage stairs for two weeks out of a year ? I get that stairs are difficult for them ,but being difficult and being unmanageable are two different things .
They would not need to be running up and down stairs all day .just morning and evening .
If you love the house,then they will just need to get on with it or book into a hotel (without stairs)

You can't adore them that much if you moved away too far to be able to visit and offer help and love on a daily basis. How ungrateful not to stay in the same neighbourhood and abandon your family that way!

I am very shocked. It must be a cultural thing.

Thank you for the nicer response. I understand that. I really do. My gripe is about the posters here who seem to be devoid of any love or compassion for those that have raised them. It’s awful to read.

Private rental market in UK can be pretty brutal - my IL grew up with council housing and won't hear how private rental is different - plus between them and us getting on the housing ladder it got way harder. UK housing stock also tends to small and expensive.

We bought as with kids we needed the extra security - so we weren't having to move at short notice and worry about schools and travel or them not feeling secure in a community - longer term I didn't want to pay rent out of tiny pensions. My priorities were my kids health - as some of rentals were very damp - and security.

Sofa beds and b&B and hotels - especially when Op is talking about 4 weeks a year are viable perfectly acceptable options. I'm sure many of us would love option of bigger houses and spare rooms - but many of us have struggled to get big enough for permeant residents or buy at all.

Please don't feed it, folks.

I agree many on here are nuts, if they can't manage the stairs how much longer will they actually be able to manage the journey?

I really wouldn't house plan on the basis that in 2/3 years the travel might be too much.

I don't think putting in a stairlift that will be in use for one week per year is actually a proportionate response to this issue either

My DP put in a second hand stair lift straight up rather then curved so a few steps left and much needed- think thousands not hundreds and they have to pay for regular maintenance.

These costs seem on low side.
https://www.stairliftexperts.co.uk/how-much-will-a-stair-lift-cost/

I can't sleep on the floor due to medical reasons. Yes, it's about me because believe it or not, I matter too. I also have responsibilities I can't fulfill if I take myself out of action by severe pain. So no, not being a martyr and sleeping on the floor.

Unless there's an absolute emergency, no sane parents would expect or accept anyone to sleep on the floor for them, it's absolutely ridiculous.

Oh, did you not know? those who love their family never get medical problems or indeed any problems at all! Those that love their family also have millions rolling in from the love money tree to buy whatever house they want because.... love. 🙄

Agree. And I hate to get on the 'Chinese thing' because I don't like to stereotype, but I've also noticed a lot of Chinese parents seem to buy their children houses as a gift. My parents aren't doing that.

My parents will just have to accept that I clearly don't love them then.

@Mastmw7g
Do they have stairs in their own houses?

The house needs to be right for your own needs, the people who live their 365 days, before you consider visitors.

It dead easy for people to say buy something bigger etc when the reality is the UK housing stock doesn't have many houses with a downstairs bedroom.

My MIL says this and it really confuses me because she's perfectly fit and healthy and can walk up stairs!
Can you get a really good quality sofa bed for downstairs? My brother has an excellent one that's more comfortable than most beds.