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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL 'speaking out' on H's behalf regarding DD's studies

354 replies

shecanshewillmil · 05/07/2023 18:43

DD is 4 and starting school in September

I do basic learning with her but in addition to this, she is learning to play piano, she swims twice a week and does gymnastics. I enjoy talking to my daughter, and naturally we have conversations about interesting, education topics, worded appropriately for her age groups

Disciple is important from an earlier age. It simply makes your life easier. In the end. I do not hit my children, I mean self discipline. DD has to put her washing in her basket and knows how to separate white washes, strictly. She is good at this. Puts her shoes away properly. Knows not to take more stuff out without putting the other stuff out

Puts her bed together in the morning (with my help, I want it done properly).

MIL pulled me aside at the weekend to say H was worried about my attitude towards learning. She said he is concerned DD is doing too much. I said did H really say this? She said well, no, but I know he feels that way. H says to ignore her

I said no, she's happy and balanced. There isn't even a mention of her disliking anything yet. She enjoys her activities

DD had a disabled brother and knows she is fortunate not to have these barriers, and should appreciate life to the full

AIBU to say it is not her place? She lacks personal discipline and it shows. Sadly, we must all do it to succeed

Perhaps this is a cultural thing. H is white British. I am not so. But I have to say, I am from a working class background and by no means 'middle class'. But opportunities and exposure through fun is important to me, parenting wise! It builds children up for success and happiness. These things set the foundations for a happy, comfortable life.

OP posts:
Quiverer · 07/07/2023 07:25

I'm slightly gobsmacked that OP talks about studies in the context of a 4 year old - and feeling very sorry for that 4 year old.

RoyalImpatience · 07/07/2023 07:37

I was told by a friend whose a piano teacher that unless the child is really a natural then there is no point starting so early.
They learn so much longer at age 4 than what they would get in a short time age 6 7 or older
Learning the piano has no impact on success.

My dc swapped and changed lots of interests when younger and I let them.
If you think success is exam grades one has just done very well in year 10 exams (pre gcse).
A very promising clutch of 9s and the other had undisguised learning sen.
With both dc I've tried to light the flame of education and encourage them to want to learn. I've never ever forced anything or made it a drag.
In fact once I asked the school to stop homework and they agreed.

poetryandwine · 07/07/2023 09:15

@Quiverer the OP is from Korea and I think this is more about her formal use of English than anything else

willWillSmithsmith · 07/07/2023 13:41

poetryandwine · 07/07/2023 09:15

@Quiverer the OP is from Korea and I think this is more about her formal use of English than anything else

I have a lot of interest in Korean culture and I was getting a Korean vibe from the OP (probably because I’m addicted to Korean YouTube channels of women who are super-efficient, meticulously clean and tidy, superb home cooks and all round super women - yes I’m a bit envious and hugely admiring of them) but their education system is insane. The pressure on those students must be very hard to bear sometimes, I wouldn’t wish that on my own children.

OP the British way of bringing up children is more relaxed (sometimes too much) but I think a healthy mix of your culture and your DH’s culture should hopefully give your child a balanced childhood.

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