School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

@Geraniumgal its none of your business. Don’t fake ‘care’ about this child’s welfare, you just want a good gossip at someone else’s expense. Some kids do seem to over eat whilst others, just don’t. So I do believe genetics play some part. Maybe it could be better managed by the mother but it’s literally nothing to do with you!

YY ^

Sounds like the poor kid has learned to scoff as many biscuits as possible before her Mum has got them all.

I don't understand why anyone thinks that obesity is caused by insufficient shaming of fat people

Well she said three of them went up to the mum to raise this concern. You don't think that is being ganged up on? If 3 parents came up to you when you were simply collecting your child, each to report about all the food your child consumed, you wouldn't be defensive? I would be feeling attacked and judged, would have deflected with a joke and then gone home and cried.

I wouldn't have given them the satisfaction of seeing that they had upset me.

You're obviously perfect, lets hope you're never in a postion where you're not. And might need help or something. That's the shittiest, most ignorant thing i have seen here in a long time.

It’s none of the other parents business, they should concentrate on their own children. I’ll bet the mum felt awful.

I'm surprised at the amount of posters attacking the OP saying she and others were being bitchy and judgemental when actually it would be a bit worrying to see one child seemingly grabbing for a eating way more food than all the other children. Yes children love sugar and they go crazy at parties so possibly she was very excited when she saw that food but I don't blame anyone for bringing it to the mothers attention afterwards. It could of been a one off or it could be normal learnt behaviour and I'm sorry because I'll probably get flamed aswell but if her mother is obese then you could assume there's a higher chance of it being learnt behaviour and possibly having it brought up to her could help her to see that it's not going unnoticed. People should be taking accountability and stop blaming others. And I'm saying this as someone who's mother and best friend both struggle with weight issues who I love very much but they both know they only have themselves to blame for their weight.

Christ on a bike anyone who's ever cleared up after a kifs party knows exactly what food they will be throwing away and it won't be party rings.

Fucking hell.

CarrieO · Today 13:40
The Mum will be well aware of her daughter’s eating and may just not want to discuss them with a bunch of other school parents who are commenting on them, and so laughed it off and made a joke.

yes, exactly.
so what do you want the mum to do? To come, agree, starts crying and tell you how much hardship she has dealing with her daughter's eating? - come on. You are complete strangers to her, even though some of you , the social ones and busybodies organised a party for the whole class.

Wow, you sound lovely. Shame as a positive force in society?! Yes people laugh at/gossip about and judge people all the time but it isn’t a good thing.

Ive been judged and shamed for being a lesbian and being disabled… was I supposed to feel bad about myself and make ‘better’ choices?

I just wouldn’t have commented, the mum is probably aware she is big and she will be well aware of her daughters weight. Being “helpful” here probably came across as giving her a kick for being overweight. Can you imagine how she felt? Being singled out for “btw your kid ate shit tons of biscuits” like you are the food police. Her response was probably the first thing her brain chucked out in the face of what I think was quite a rude thing to do.

My working assumption at children's parties is that DD will eat quite a lot of sugar as will the other kids. If someone pointed it out I’d be like “yeah….and?”

Everyone is claiming it was ok for the op @Geraniumgal and her mates to speak to the mum because they weee concerned about the kid being fat and eating too many biscuits… but what they actually said to her was that the child had only had cake and biscuits so that the mum would know to give her dinner!

If the op genuinely thought she was witnessing child abuse/neglect by over feeding then she would have been having a very different conversation with the mum- clearly her and her mates just wanted the mum to know they were judging her and her child… because they enjoy being superior I presume.

I couldn't take those comments in that context so seriously.

Hang on, you pulled this Mum aside to criticise what her child had eaten? What response were you expecting exactly?

She's probably trying to laugh off the comments from the judgemental Mums!

Then you started a thread to talk about the fat people? Lovely.

Tbh i don't even really ask what my daughter eats at parties. I ask her after a while if she's hungry. If she says no, i leave it. I figure she'll be grand if she doesn't get three square meals a day. Parties are relatively rare, i don't see the need to make them all about the food when they're once in a blue moon. IME my daughter is more than capable of demanding fòod at any hour of the day or night anyway. It's not like we're going to let her starve!

This !

I completely agree.

Rather than help her daughter, she is finding an excuse for her over-eating.

Behind nearly every over-weight child is an over-weight parents. They learn (bad) eating habits from their parents.

Many do not wish to take responsibility for their child being over-weight so just use excuses.

So young child scoffs too many sweet things at a party. Who is to blame?

Her mum, who isn't even there?

Or the supervising hosts, who notice what she's doing but make no effort to stop her despite being in charge of her?

Kids get overexcited and don't always moderate themselves or do as they are told. That's why they need adult supervision.

If you were on a school trip and she walked into the road putting herself in danger, would you blame the mum for not teaching her road safety or the adult accompanying her group for not supervising properly?

She probably has “inherited” it through being brought up in an environment where there are unhealthy food issues.

but absolutely no need for anyone to bring it up with the mum.

You complain about being misunderstood here, but you are completely taking things out of context yourself. I agree the mum may have been deflecting - I am actually glad she could think of something to say in response to your rudeness. It was a comment and does not mean she is giving the child permission to eat as much as she wants as she thinks the child has a binge eating disorder. What did you want her to do? Did you want her to thank her for pointing it out or to reprimand the child in front of everyone?

Morbidly obese people know they are ill, they know they compulsively make poor choices, and they are carrying guilt around that every time they just think about food. They absolutely know there are people like you who shame them even though they have never dealt with an eating disorder themselves. I feel sad for the girl, but this comment isn't going to make or break her relationship with food.

If it's so important to you (I suspect it isn't) you could have started a thread about how the healthcare system is letting down morbidly obese people. Because that's what's happening. They get referred to slimming world by their GP, which keeps the eating disorder going, or they can have major surgery and get a gastric band. That's all there is: there is no support to address psychological issues or in fact to address the addiction, because that's what it is. I know people like you don't believe that. People like you think they should just try a little harder to not stuff their face all the time and they are just too lazy to choose a smaller portion of some nutrious bullshit. If the mother could get this support it would help her child massively, but don't blame her please for not being able to cure her illness all by herself.

Actually, I think you are trolling everyone.

That's not what I said, is it? You mentioned carrot sticks, I didn't. At parties I've had for my own kids, I've swapped plates around where things were/weren't moving fast and removed plates of no interest. If I didn't have more biscuits then I would coax to share but not with carrot sticks.

I don't fat-shame which, if you could actually read, you'd perhaps glean.

I didnt make comment on whether it was 'great' or not and I didnt make comment on why this had happened to this woman

I was simply pointing out the difference in attitude and position in different countries

This is why its impossible to have a nuanced intelligent discussion about the nature of how humans in the UK think and act without someone missing the point and getting all aggressive.

@bellac11 the ‘aggression’ is in your head. So humans in the U.K can’t discuss things without missing the point.

So we’re both stupid and fat 🤣 brilliant.