School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

My aunt has had an eating disorder for the majority of her life - from about the age of 10. She's now 60. Her body is absolutely fucked.

But her weight massively changes from being horribly thin to really overweight.

I find your posts really judgmental and mean.

Do you think it's at all acceptable for you and other mums, to tell the mum that her daughter only ate crap? I find that really really odd.

There is literally no money to do this. Where would we even begin? How would we pay for it? It would cost many billions.

This is exactly what will have happened. OP, there is probably a very complex history regarding food, weight and eating habits between this mother and daughter of which you don't know about. The mother will be well aware of the fact her daughter 'eats every biscuit she can get her hands on' and there will be things going on behind the scenes with the family. She likely will have felt put on the spot and embarrased and wanted everyone to stop talking about it and so made a quick joke so everyone would move on. I can guarantee that little girl and her mother have so much going on in regards to that, it is such a difficult, complex issue which isn't as easy to solve as some people may think it is.

R u suggesting that the fat mum doesn't know she is fat? And needs to be told by some school mums? What a ridiculous comment! Fat people know they are fat they don't need being told like they r giving them some useful information 🙄

Another thing if being guilted and shamed into loosing weight worked , we genuinely wouldn't have a problem in society!

But obesity is costing the NhS more. What’s your solution? Demonising those that are obese is not going to help solve it.

Well, my BEd started before age 7. Not diagnosed until late 20s. So it's possible . I hope this little girl isn't like me. Therapist believes sexual and emotional abuse are what triggered it

I’m sorry you went through that. Unfortunately it’s not an uncommon story. Have you ever read “The Body Keeps the Score” by Dr Bessel van der Kolk (the person who really first classified ptsd) One of the studies it talks about is concerning a weight surgery clinic where a large proportion of patients reported that they were abused as children.

The work on the vagus nerve by Dr Stephen Porges and Debs Dana suggests that childhood abuse and even less extreme childhood emotional neglect can lead to an undeveloped vagus nerve that regulates emotional response. One of the main ways of stimulating the vagus nerve is chewing. It’s a mechanism for the body to try and self heal.

Add in things such as trauma affecting gut flora, disorder cortisol due to mental health issues (inc stress) it’s clear there’s a link between poor mental health.

Throw in stupid judgemental idiots like the OP who can obviously only make themselves feel good by putting other people down, it’s clear why obesity is rising so fast as mental health declines.

Spending millions telling overweight people chocolate is fattening is pointless. There needs to be education on the massive role mental health plays in obesity, there needs to be a reeducation of people like the OP who likes to demonise people like the mum (ideally I’d like to see this classified as a hate crime) and an investment into mental health services. All of this is unlikely where overweight =greedily and lazy. It’s easy to build industries round this and take away societal responsibility for the issue.

Of course there are other issues relating to people being overweight inc economic but I’ve concentrated on what I believe to be the main cause, mental health.

Why is it more socially acceptable to protect the feelings of the parent than the health of the child?

In what way was anyone helping the health of the child in this scenario?

Could it be possible that Mum is restricting the little girl's access to highly calorific, sweet food at home, and so she just let rip at the party?

Why is it more socially acceptable to protect the feelings of the parent than the health of the child?

How do you think pointing out the obvious is going to help the health of the child? If you tell her 'your child is fat, she should eat less', what useful information do you think you are giving the mother? how will this help her?

From what the OP says, no one was protecting the child's health in any event since no one apparently thought to stop her binging on so many sweet things that all the adults were wringing their hands and shaking their heads for 20 minutes.

Completely pathetic... surely a normal response to a child eating a harmful amount of sugar would be to intervene. And if the amount wasn't beyond the usual gluttony that you see all the time at children's parties, then there was no call for anyone to say anything to the mum.

This.

Yes this. Obviously she didn't actually mean it.

Two other Mums mentioned to the Mum she would only eat biscuits as they had offered sandwiches

So? There can’t be that many children who would choose sandwiches over biscuits

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday

This stuff winds me up. Why oh why do schools insist of providing junk food to kids?! is wasn't even someone's birthday.

In what way we’re this bunch of bitchy bullies protecting a child’s health?

And how is shaming the mother going to help? There’s proven links between mental health and weight. Do attacking this woman by shaming her is probably going to make it worse not better.

unfortunately there is a contingent of people who think their weight (which is probably largely governed by good luck) gives them moral superiority over people like this mum.

There's many ways this woman could be helped, befriending her, listening to her, looking at supporting her. Some cackling old bags grouping together delighting I’m telling this mum her daughter is just as greedy as they perceive the mum to be really aren’t helping the mother or child. Most obesity has psychological roots.

A tea party is perfectly normal. There is no reason to limit such activities whatsoever. Over eating is a problem in society, but it stems from family (imo anyway) so why should other kids be denied a tea party in case a child has a parent with an eating problem? That makes no sense.

And JFC, people here are talking like a bit of unhealthy food is nuclear! It's not! It's all about teaching your child and feeding them proper food. Giving them a taste and a feel for proper food. Teaching them how to make dishes. That's all you can do. At the end of the day, they'll go out into the world at 17/18 and make their own choices. Life is all about moderation.

"Everything in moderation" sounds good in concept but that is not the world we live in.
As a country we have no real understanding of how to live healthily and what it means to have a good relationship with food.

The fact that our children are routinely plied with sugary junk food at school (and elsewhere) is symptomatic of that.

We're told that these things are occasional treats but in reality it's croissants on French day, haribo at the end of term, a chocolate bar for coming first in a test, random tea parties for no reason etc etc etc. It's very disheartening to try to feed your children healthily at home only to know that schools actively try to undo your hard work because they think they know best.