School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

It is very possible that the child has a poor relationship with food from behaviour modelled at home. It's very possible that mum has had years of a poor relationship with food herself.
It is possible to say to the mum - just so you know she's eaten a few bits and pieces but nothing savoury - without adding judgement. Maybe no one needed to offer that at all - as at 7 the little girl is capable of saying what she ate and if she's hungry when she gets home.

Remember - whether you agree of disagree with the mothers statement, tone or parenting - you can do nothing about, so why comment on it?

Amazing assumptions being made here. The mother could struggle with her weight for a lot of reasons. You have no idea what her home eating habits are.

I don't disagree with you but why did yourself and a few parents pass comment to her? Surely one person would have been enough to let her know her daughter might need dinner as she only ate the sweet stuff. It will have been obvious to her that the group were standing around watching and judging her child and she will be embarrassed and defensive.

Eating disorders are awful, can be life threatening and potentially inherited. There is about 30% increases risk to suffer if your mum has an eating disorder (from memory). This can be due to genes or to behaviours.

I remember trying to assess to which extent this was inherited for the purpose of an essay (psychology masters) but available data is dodgy, as is the some of the methodology in the twin studies.

7 years old sounds young though. I feel terribly sorry for the mum and the child.

Absolutely this.

Or maybe that child loved getting her hands on the biscuits because they are normally heavily restricted at home.

none of us know what goes on at home but your very quick to judge

Hardly surprising we have an obesity problem in children judging by these replies.

Ask yourself - in what way can you control or change this? You can only control or change your own behaviour (and potentially those of your children) so why is it important that you feel righteous in this quest?

If the mum wasn't around, why didn't whoever was supervising the child stop her after her third or fourth biscuit or slice of cake?

I know lots of children, most a completely normal weight, who would happily binge themselves on sugar given the opportunity. Self-regulation can take some time to learn and party rings in particular are like kiddy crack. I wouldn't trust my own DC around a plate of party rings without supervision!

If I'd been in change of that child, I would have said nicely to her and whoever else was clustered around the biscuit plate (and there's always a few!) "Come on now, leave the biscuits and go play for a bit, we don't want you getting a tummy ache, do we?" There's no way I would let a child in my care eat enough to make themselves sick while I exchanged pointed remarks and looks with other parents.

It was private but you worried about children hearing the phrase binge earing disorder. OKAY 🤣

Posters here don't think you and your bitchy mates had a right to have a full conversation with this woman about her daughters food intake. That is nothing yo do with obesity in this country. If you are so amazing become a nutritionalist and help support these people instead of harassing them with unsolicited advice at a kids party.

Thats so sad, poor girl. I would probably mention something to the school tbh.

Completely agree with this. On what planet was this appropriate and why did it need a 'few' people, as opposed to just one? What unkind behaviour - the poor woman must have felt really humiliated.

It's not as satisfying to shame people one on one. It must be witnessed by a group for full impact.

This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch.

So upsetting that you stood by and did/said nothing? Just watched? Then had the audacity to tell the child's mother about it when she arrived? Oh you and 'a few others' who apparently incapable of supervising a child's party.

The mother was probably mortified at your utter rudeness and made some flippant comment - in private where everyone could hear.

You are most definitely the unreasonable one in this scenario

@nokidshere . Indeed! It's staggering that the mum, who wasn't there, is being blamed for her child eating everything in sight, rather than the group of adults who were actually there and were presumably supervising this child!!

Anyone else’s fault isn’t it hey.

That child has learnt that behaviour. Mum clearly doesn’t take it seriously. The poor child is off to the worst start health and food wise, and is destined to a lifetime of problems.

Absolutely. But let’s keep a lid on the unpleasant truth by accusing anyone who mentions it of being judgemental.

The mum probably felt shit and tried to laugh it off. Your tone is very judgemental and if posters here picks up on it, you can guarantee mum did.

If you genuinely did only mention her child eating only cake and biscuits just so she knows her daughter hasn't had a "proper tea" why did it take you and a few others to do it? That could come across as bullying, I'm bad at social cues and stuff but can see how multiple people telling an overweight woman her overweight child ate nothing but cake and sweets could come across as mean and unkind and why someone would laugh it off.

I'm sure the school will have seen the child and can intervene if they feel it's appropriate. No need for anyone else to mention it.

Pass it on in the context you describe is Nurture rather than Nature (genetics).

There are genetic factors behind eating disorders.

There is evidence that eating disorders can be genetic.

Can you clarify.... "a few parents" "privately mentioned" - so were all these private mentions individual and if they were "private" how do you know about them all? Or was it a group "private" mention?

Either way you should all have a look at yourselves. Disgraceful behaviour - you are either a bunch of nasty gossips or bullies, take you pick.

If a child was in my care, I wouldn't allow them to overeat and then tell tales to the mum afterwards. I'd look after them as I would my own child, and that means stopping them after a sensible amount.

Years ago at one of my brothers parties (he's 16 yrs younger so I was helping supervise) there was a little girl who ate like this. We helped her to put some of the biscuits and cakes back and make a few better choices

Turns out her parents tried to have a very healthy diet at home so she was taking the opportunity to get as many chocolate fingers as humanly possible while she could.

You don't know what her parents are doing at home to try to help her have a healthy diet OP, you've made some judgements based on a 20 min observations of a child who saw an opportunity and took it.