Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

298 replies

Geraniumgal · 05/07/2023 13:31

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 19:26

contrary13 · 05/07/2023 19:20

Perhaps the child is "overweight" because she's on medication - had you considered that, @Geraniumgal ? Maybe her mother is "morbidly obese" because she's on steroids...?

Honestly, and I say this kindly, you know jack-shit about this family and their life together. For all you know, the child was grabbing the biscuits and cake because she doesn't get them at home, and therefore, no; she wouldn't have wanted the sandwiches and carrot sticks. My stick-thin daughter used to do this at that age, at birthday parties... but because she was slim, no one ever commented on her behaviour, other than to wish me well with the inevitable sugar crash! At home, though, her diet was meat and veggies, few snacks, lots of fruit, and water instead of juice or pop. My choices as a parent went out of the window at children's birthday parties, though... as I'm sure every parent who doesn't hover round the rampaging hordes trying to give them complexes about never eating things like cake and biscuits (or, you know, disordered eating...)n will testify to!

(What child in their right mind does want fucking carrot sticks at a birthday party, for fuck's sake?!)

Just the other day, I had the mother of one of my 18 year old son's friends take me aside and tell me that my son is anorexic - when... dear gods above, no. He eats for England and then some... he just happens to have had a lot of upwards, rather than outwards, growth-spurts. But they made this assumption because... they only ever see him wearing baggy hoodies!!! Fair enough, she was concerned - but she's also one of the "unkind mothers" who clique together at the school gates, who thrives on creating drama. If I'd been in a less-kind mood, myself, when she told me this... I could have told her a few home-truths about her own son and his behaviour (steroid and cocaine abuse, not to mention that he beat up another boy very badly a few weeks ago, and regularly fucks around on his long-term girlfriend) but not my circus, not my monkeys. I strive not to lower myself to that same level.

In short? You worry about your kid and your weight. Keep your beak out of other people's business unless you have categoric proof that there is genuine, actual abuse going on,

Carrot sticks was facetious you know? Because OP was so utterly concerned (but not enough to gently direct the child in question away to another activity)

OakTree16 · 05/07/2023 19:33

I assume all the other children at the party ate
a balanced tea and you didn’t feel the need to speak to their parents? Because I bet that child wasn’t the only child who only ate sweet stuff!

I hate it that anyone feels the need to comment on anyone’s weight! None of your business and you have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. I’ve battled an eating disorder all my life! Try my best not to let my kids see my restricted eating but they ultimately probably aren’t exposed to healthy eating habits and that doesn’t make me a bad parent. You have no idea what that woman is going through so keep your nose out.

Tosire · 05/07/2023 19:35

I think a child eating biscuits at a party is quite normal.

AllOfThemWitches · 05/07/2023 19:36

I am not even sure they are binge eaters. Many of my very slim friends will say " I binge ate my way through my period." It's a manner of speaking. Not a reason to shame this lady and her kid.

Not just me then. Christ, you should see how many party rings I can put away OP.

AllOfThemWitches · 05/07/2023 19:38

My kid's got a really sweet tooth , is that inherited too? I gave him a love for sugar and a neurological disorder but thankfully not the evil fat gene.

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 19:57

I disagree that obesity is a private matter for the individual. It now costs the country £14 billion a year, it is a societal health emergency which is crippling our health services.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 20:01

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 19:57

I disagree that obesity is a private matter for the individual. It now costs the country £14 billion a year, it is a societal health emergency which is crippling our health services.

Fair enough, but then why on earth would anyone serve up a rake of junk at her own kids party? This is clearly just wanting to have a dig.

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 20:05

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 19:57

I disagree that obesity is a private matter for the individual. It now costs the country £14 billion a year, it is a societal health emergency which is crippling our health services.

This is true but it needs to be dealt with at the individual level by the appropriate people, doctors, health professionals, schools, etc and then at a societal level by governments.

Not by a group of school mums who are not qualified nor knowledgeable enough about the specific individual.

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 20:07

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 20:05

This is true but it needs to be dealt with at the individual level by the appropriate people, doctors, health professionals, schools, etc and then at a societal level by governments.

Not by a group of school mums who are not qualified nor knowledgeable enough about the specific individual.

Show quote history

But if this mum doesn’t see the problem, or doesn’t feel motivated to do anything about it (like most people), then what? The health professionals won’t come knocking on her door. The first they’ll know if it is when this girl turns up with diabetes in 15 years.

Mamai90 · 05/07/2023 20:08

It was incredibly rude of you to bring up the child's eating habits to the mother alongside other parents, unless you're the child's doctor then it's really none of your business.

Yes, it's awful that this child think those eating habits are normal but I suspect the morbidly obese mum tried to make light of the situation because she was embarrassed.

My best friend has struggled with her weight since we were children, her mother is the same and unfortunately now so is her teenage daughter but she would have found your comments so upsetting, she's well aware of her issues but it seems to run all through her family, certainly the women anyway.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 20:10

And sorry, it's up to that kid's parents to instill good food choices. Not a random party parent. Food starts at home, it is not the reponsibilty of everyone else i'd hazard a guess that a child who isn't used to healthy food is not able to make healthy choices for themselves . And kids who are totally denied sweets won't make a healthy choice either, they may well go off on one when they get a chance. It's old school, but MODERATION!

Happygot · 05/07/2023 20:11

If my child was overweight (and the Mum will probably realise she is), and, after a party a group of other mums pointed out to me that she’s only had cake and biscuits I would feel mortified, and quite judged actually? I can imagine the binge eating disorder was something said in an awkward situation to diffuse things and make a joke. Why were you commenting on what other children eat?

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 20:14

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 20:07

But if this mum doesn’t see the problem, or doesn’t feel motivated to do anything about it (like most people), then what? The health professionals won’t come knocking on her door. The first they’ll know if it is when this girl turns up with diabetes in 15 years.

Show quote history

Firstly theres no way of telling what mum thinks or is motivated to do based on the OP, its impossible to tell.

Secondly, the mum and daughter are very likely to visit the doctor as most kids (and some adults ) do. In fact given that your point was that its crippling the health service, why do you assume that the family never darken the door of the GP surgery? Mum might be there all the time with weight related health issues if thats the case and the daughter too.

There are far more people who are wanting to do something about their weight, than people who dont care. The vast vast majority of people with excess weight want to lose it. Interestingly (at least on this particular forum) the first sniff of people talking about that or wanting to cut down what they eat gets shouts of 'thats disordered eating'.

So yes, mum and daughter certainly will have been, and will be, told about their weight problems. Will they be offered support that is tailored to their needs and which is effective for them? Thats the next step and harder to resolve

3AndStopping · 05/07/2023 20:15

@Sweetashunni

I disagree that obesity is a private matter for the individual. It now costs the country £14 billion a year, it is a societal health emergency which is crippling our health services.

No… it really is. What someone else does with their body is absolutely nothing to do with you.

Muu · 05/07/2023 20:18

I’d say her reaction to you was normal. That is she was put on the spot (whether you meant to or not) and she probably felt embarrassed as she’s visibly big herself and obviously the implication is that her child is taking after her. What do you want her to do, break down in front of you and tell you she’s ashamed? She laughed it off because you’re a stranger and her and her family’s health issues are nothing to do with you. Rest assured she’s probably aware that it’s a problem. 🙄

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 20:21

3AndStopping · 05/07/2023 20:15

@Sweetashunni

I disagree that obesity is a private matter for the individual. It now costs the country £14 billion a year, it is a societal health emergency which is crippling our health services.

No… it really is. What someone else does with their body is absolutely nothing to do with you.

Just to carry along the point, should my neighbour be allowed to 'report' me or my child because we are obese? (We're not bit for the point). Should some HV come to my house uninvited because of it? How would my neighbour know our bone density for example, or other conditions?

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 20:44

So yes, mum and daughter certainly will have been, and will be, told about their weight problems. Will they be offered support that is tailored to their needs and which is effective for them?

Why don’t they support themselves and make healthy choices? We can’t afford this for the 20 million or so overweight people in the U.K.

TempestuousBehaviour · 05/07/2023 20:53

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 19:57

I disagree that obesity is a private matter for the individual. It now costs the country £14 billion a year, it is a societal health emergency which is crippling our health services.

The op and her mates were telling the mum she only had biscuits so that the mum would know to give her more food.

That doesn’t sound like the action of someone who is concerned the kid is over fed.

The OP just wanted someone to have a dig at.

OMG12 · 05/07/2023 21:02

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 20:44

So yes, mum and daughter certainly will have been, and will be, told about their weight problems. Will they be offered support that is tailored to their needs and which is effective for them?

Why don’t they support themselves and make healthy choices? We can’t afford this for the 20 million or so overweight people in the U.K.

Because obesity is often the symptom of other issues, dissociation, anxiety, disorders of the limbriv system, adhd, PTSD, issues with the gut, hormonal issues the list goes on. Every obese person knows the advice of eat less, run around more. If it was that easy then everyone would be thin.

what needs to happen is ignorant stupid people need to understand that obesity is often a symptom of underlying issues, sorting these would help solve the obesity crisis. It’s an illness and unless people start seeing it as such and treat it accordingly this crisis will just keep getting worse!

BansheeofInisherin · 05/07/2023 21:03

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 20:21

Just to carry along the point, should my neighbour be allowed to 'report' me or my child because we are obese? (We're not bit for the point). Should some HV come to my house uninvited because of it? How would my neighbour know our bone density for example, or other conditions?

Show quote history

Maybe we can just pin a scarlet letter on all the obese kids at school? A big O. Some posters are almost there.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 21:05

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 20:44

So yes, mum and daughter certainly will have been, and will be, told about their weight problems. Will they be offered support that is tailored to their needs and which is effective for them?

Why don’t they support themselves and make healthy choices? We can’t afford this for the 20 million or so overweight people in the U.K.

Argh, so why don't adults GAF about cholestorol/smoking/drinking. Clue: they don't care so they likely won't care too much aboit their kids that way. None of that is the child's fault. Either way, you're all going to go thrugh the NHS, i for one would prefer to be treating kids rather than sanctimonous adults who made terrible choices themselves.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 21:07

BansheeofInisherin · 05/07/2023 21:03

Maybe we can just pin a scarlet letter on all the obese kids at school? A big O. Some posters are almost there.

Show quote history

Seems like that would be a popular choice here tbh

BansheeofInisherin · 05/07/2023 21:09

Yeah, when my kids were that age, I was run so ragged I didn't have time to worry about other people's kids.

Babsexxx · 05/07/2023 21:15

This. I’d be absolutely rocking if this was me I’m not super slim anymore I’m a good size 12 now used to always be a 8 in my twenties my DS was always very slender until lockdown and so was I tbf I ballooned myself to a 14!

If I was greeted by this I would of stated so fucking what? It’s a kids party! Op has no idea what this mums doing at home to regain control she could well be going ott at the party as her mum doesn’t let her at home! No need for such a nasty thread tbh.

AllOfThemWitches · 05/07/2023 21:40

Sweetashunni · 05/07/2023 20:44

So yes, mum and daughter certainly will have been, and will be, told about their weight problems. Will they be offered support that is tailored to their needs and which is effective for them?

Why don’t they support themselves and make healthy choices? We can’t afford this for the 20 million or so overweight people in the U.K.

Omg shut up