School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

do you think the mum doesn't know she's fat? or the child for that matter? do you think you would be happy to discuss your weight - what might have lead to that, what you eat, what you don't eat, wider issues in the family, abuse, neglect, or anything else with some random at a child's party?

I'm like 99% certain this mum dressed it up as a joke as she didn't want to have to discuss it with a bunch of other mums pretending 'concern' when they mean 'judge'. And now you've come to the internet with your faux concern.

Exactly. I wonder if this is a troll to be honest. OP needs to mind her own business not make a bloody thread.

Why didn’t anyone say, ‘I think you’ve had enough biscuits - other people would like some too, you know.’

Hope it’s comfy on your throne of sanctimony OP.

Nah. Absolutely not.

'Concern' would have been a gentle challenge to the girl while she was eating the biscuits.

For the absence of doubt, i was joking! Completely agree with pp, genuine concern would have meant stepping in and redirecting. But apparently bitching to other adults about a child was the more appropriate option!

You have seen this child before right? The child clearly always eats like this. So what on earth is going to change? If your so concerned about the child's weight why didn't you approach the mother before?

If mum is obese too, I'm pretty sure she would be embarrassed. There's such thing as a nervous laugh ... it's you yourself who sounds unaware OP.

Anyway, OP has absolutely control over (or knowledge about) what the child eats at home. This one party won't be here nor there in the grand scheme of the child's life. I'm convinced this post is just an excuse for fat shaming tbh.

If the OP had challenged the girl, everyone on here would have laid into her for that.

It seems the only course of action around a child who is overweight, is to do nothing, say nothing, avert your eyes and mind your own business. How dare you gleefully fat shame a child and her mother?

However, when it comes to an underweight child, if you don’t do or say anything, the very same posters are coming for you, calling you negligent, failing the child, and calling out the ‘child abuse’…

This nation’s attitude to weight and health is completely fucked.

You have ABSOLUTELY no right to stop a child that is not yours from eating biscuits! So your answer is to call the child out in front of her peers for eating too much?

I'm not sure tbh what a child grabbing and eating biscuits at a rate that's upsetting to watch could be described as other than binging tbh?

If its just the child eating too many biscuits that wouldn't be in anyway upsetting? It sounds exactly like binging?

Absolutely this!

Or just one parent could have had a word about it?

Why is the option 3 people against 1 or nothing?

Agreed

That's complete BS and you know it.

It's not the business of random mums at a party whether the child is overweight or underweight.

If you are the parent, or the child's doctor or close family member then yes. Perhaps if you are someone who has repeat close contact with the child and are picking up on concerning behaviours you would approach the school.

But of course the right thing to do when faced with an obese child is not to tell the mum en masses their child has eaten too many biscuits and then start a MN thread about it.

I certainly think its not a straightforward issue that shaming = bad.

Ive said this on a few threads in particular about weight.

On the one hand no one should feel ashamed for who they are or what they look like and shaming about being fat did not do me any favours

But Im also aware that in other countries where it is shameful and not socially condoned to be overweight/obese they historically did not have the issues that we have here.

That is changing slightly, in France for example it is not the done thing to be overweight for women at least and this seems to have served as a mechanism ot prevent obesity, and yet their weight issues are increasing now as a country so clearly its not effective in the way it once was, even if you ignore the psychological impact on the individual

I dont know what the answer is, but I do think that people forget that as social animals, we monitor peoples behaviour and aim to change it by judgement, humans always have. Is it effective now? I dont know the answer to that.

Absolutely what? All of this is impotent navel-gazing.

The only change that can be made is by the mother. Parents can and should parent their own children and support them in eating healthily to maintain a sensible weight and lifelong good habits. That's it. Nobody has control over what other people do but I can see that a certain type likes to gather to find like-minded chums to tut and finger-wag to. That is as sad as it is pathetic and that's what posters (most, thankfully) are railing against.

As for curtailing the biscuit-eating, swapping some plates around with the other end of the table with a 'let's share these biscuits and try some of these other things, shall we?' could have been easily achieved.

As a societal thing, it's ok to say being overweight isn't ideal. I think everyone knows that. But this post is straight up mean girls.

Well done OP. Your faux conern and group intervention will have made a woman with an eating disorder's day even more shit than normal. What a really nasty thing to start a thread to gloat about.

Achieved by 'party mum', I mean - not a random.

As an aside to this, there's an obesity crisis but there's also a mental health crisis. If your 'go to' when you feel bad is food (which after all is a neccessity) then it's doubly hard. You can give up drugs/cigarettes/alcohol, but you can't just give up food. It's a much more difficult addiction to manage. And it can be extremely hard then for someone struggling with their mental health.

Yes I agree, and have said as much throughout, I was just musing (because it had been brought up) about the concept of shame and judgement in humans. I should have added that obviously its for another thread but it is an interesting concept

Smoking and drink driving for example, the law changed surrounding that, but a lot of the change in attitude came from disapproval/shame/judgement whatever you want to call it.

It has happened in my household. My eldest has inherited it but my youngest hasn’t. Both exposed in exactly the same way (I.e they haven’t been at all! Well hidden)

same with my neighbour’s two. Youngest has it, eldest doesn’t.

I'm surprised you thought to report to the mother what her daughter had eaten.

Kids get hungry. Sounds like the mum was trying to laugh it off and get away from you fast.

Weird.