Page 8 | School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

Geraniumgal · 2023-07-05T12:31:02+00:00

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on. This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight. Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea. Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating. The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

changeyerheadworzel · 05/07/2023 16:46

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/07/2023 16:33

Absolutely what? All of this is impotent navel-gazing.

The only change that can be made is by the mother. Parents can and should parent their own children and support them in eating healthily to maintain a sensible weight and lifelong good habits. That's it. Nobody has control over what other people do but I can see that a certain type likes to gather to find like-minded chums to tut and finger-wag to. That is as sad as it is pathetic and that's what posters (most, thankfully) are railing against.

As for curtailing the biscuit-eating, swapping some plates around with the other end of the table with a 'let's share these biscuits and try some of these other things, shall we?' could have been easily achieved.

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Cop on! NOBODY has control over what another person's child eats. Swapping plates....will you give over. No Little girl, don't eat all the biscuits, lets share them, try some of these carrot sticks instead. If that is not fat shaming, I don't know what is. How dare you parent someone else's child.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/07/2023 16:46

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 16:43

Yes I agree, and have said as much throughout, I was just musing (because it had been brought up) about the concept of shame and judgement in humans. I should have added that obviously its for another thread but it is an interesting concept

Smoking and drink driving for example, the law changed surrounding that, but a lot of the change in attitude came from disapproval/shame/judgement whatever you want to call it.

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Do you not think there is a correlation between the attitude change towards smoking and the raise in obesity rates? Especially in places like France.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 16:47

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 16:43

Yes I agree, and have said as much throughout, I was just musing (because it had been brought up) about the concept of shame and judgement in humans. I should have added that obviously its for another thread but it is an interesting concept

Smoking and drink driving for example, the law changed surrounding that, but a lot of the change in attitude came from disapproval/shame/judgement whatever you want to call it.

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I agree (sorry i missed your earlier posts!) But i think food is different to the rest of the addictions that way. So imo much easier to fall into the trap of something less than perfect, with everything else, it can just be given up. Food is so much more nuanced. I feel for that judged mum.

Missingmyusername · 05/07/2023 16:48

Ihavekids · 05/07/2023 14:02

You fat shamed a woman and her child and then came on here on boast about it, so you deserve everything you're about to get.

No. Merely told the mother what her child had eaten. If that’s fat shaming, then all school mum’s do it here if there are a play dates etc.

If they were laughing then yes.

The only one who is being abusive is the child’s mother.

Hibiscrubbed · 05/07/2023 16:51

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/07/2023 16:27

Or just one parent could have had a word about it?

Why is the option 3 people against 1 or nothing?

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Now you’re really reaching for a point, aren’t you?

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 16:52

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/07/2023 16:46

Do you not think there is a correlation between the attitude change towards smoking and the raise in obesity rates? Especially in places like France.

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There could well be yes or it could be that people are sick of being judged and so have more of a 'I dont care attitude', not sure

We have family in Spain and was chatting about some friends they have, one young mum is a little overweight and is being shamed essentially by her doctor, her work colleagues, her bosses etc. It seems the norm there although most people have sympathy with how she felt about it, there was some worry about her being overweight, I got the impression it was just a couple of stone which no one would bat an eyelid here about.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 16:52

Missingmyusername · 05/07/2023 16:48

No. Merely told the mother what her child had eaten. If that’s fat shaming, then all school mum’s do it here if there are a play dates etc.

If they were laughing then yes.

The only one who is being abusive is the child’s mother.

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If her post isn't fat shaming, then i really don't know what is. She's here on the easily accessible internet basically pointing and pearl clutching about fat people.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/07/2023 16:52

Hibiscrubbed · 05/07/2023 16:51

Now you’re really reaching for a point, aren’t you?

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Nope it has been my point all along. This didn't need to be a mean girl gang up.

If there was actual concern, one person having a quiet word would have been more than sufficient.

bumblebee2235 · 05/07/2023 16:52

I understand you can inherit addictive tendencies from genes.. but don't think they can develop symptomatically till personality and traits develop..

Binge eating disorder from a 7 year old is pretty much a learned behaviour 😬

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 16:53

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 16:47

I agree (sorry i missed your earlier posts!) But i think food is different to the rest of the addictions that way. So imo much easier to fall into the trap of something less than perfect, with everything else, it can just be given up. Food is so much more nuanced. I feel for that judged mum.

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Yes totally agree, Im not sure how the situation will resolve, perhaps it never will and we will just forever be a fat society.

bumblebee2235 · 05/07/2023 16:54

bumblebee2235 · 05/07/2023 16:52

I understand you can inherit addictive tendencies from genes.. but don't think they can develop symptomatically till personality and traits develop..

Binge eating disorder from a 7 year old is pretty much a learned behaviour 😬

Unless it's a reaction to stress? But I wouldn't diagnose 7 year olds unless coming from a doctor

HoneyBunnii · 05/07/2023 16:58

Seeing this thread and the comments make me feel very sad.. maybe the child has a problem which the mum does not want to discuss.. you should mind your own business it is not like she snatched food from your kid as well.. okay her kid was eating like crazy and is overweight but that is not for you to judge. I can not believe how people are making horrible comments about this kid and her mother though.. is this really what we have come to? All i ever see on mumsnet is people just bashing each other over silly things..

Gowlett · 05/07/2023 16:59

I know a morbidly obese mum, and her son who’s mid-20s is the same. She has offered him the same diet as herself (binge eating) at home since he was a baby. Her husband died & it was grief with her. Passing the same dynamic on to her son has landed him with a while range of health problems at a young age. It’s sad.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 17:00

bellac11 · 05/07/2023 16:53

Yes totally agree, Im not sure how the situation will resolve, perhaps it never will and we will just forever be a fat society.

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FWIW, i'm chronically underweight and had to be admitted to hospital for an extended period because of it. I think society in general is just less healthy. We eat far more processed foods than our parents and much more again than their parents. Forgive the pun, but it's a 'moveable feast'. I think life just keeps becoming more complicated as the years progress (in that my parents/ GPs didn't have the options i have). As with everything in life, it comes down to education.

Gowlett · 05/07/2023 17:01

But that is what happened to them. Life isn’t that easy fir everybody…

bonsoirmonami · 05/07/2023 17:08

You need to educate yourself on ED.

WonderfulUsername · 05/07/2023 17:11

Geraniumgal · 05/07/2023 15:58

Two other Mums mentioned to the Mum she would only eat biscuits as they had offered sandwiches.
We did NOT have a good old gossip about it. As you will see from my OP

This has been so twisted and now apparently I'm a sad and pathetic person for telling the Mum she hadn't had a proper tea.
OK then.

I don't know what you're like as a person, but running to the internet to publicly shame this mother who could very likely read it (along with all the other parents who attended), is a pretty sad and pathetic thing to do.

Can you not see this?

Missingmyusername · 05/07/2023 17:12

”I got the impression it was just a couple of stone which no one would bat an eyelid here about.” Yeah- that’s not great is it. Most people eat too much. Plain and simple. Greed.

@Chickenkeev So the mum is ok to just pass her eating habits to her child?
That is also abuse- if that’s what’s happening in this case. Perhaps not the place of the OP but is someone’s place IF that’s what’s happening. Shoving a load of biscuits and cake down is not normal and it’s not healthy. That’s my opinion. Probably get flamed/ let the child eat what ever she wants- but certainly wouldn’t want that for my child.

Rosscameasdoody · 05/07/2023 17:14

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/07/2023 13:48

I wouldn’t have thought she could inherit it genetically, but perhaps she’s been told she can “pass it on” by modelling bad behaviour and she’s got this into her head as “it’s genetic” - when really the advice was the opposite!

I thought exactly the same thing. It’s a learned behaviour, not genetic.

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 17:16

Missingmyusername · 05/07/2023 17:12

”I got the impression it was just a couple of stone which no one would bat an eyelid here about.” Yeah- that’s not great is it. Most people eat too much. Plain and simple. Greed.

@Chickenkeev So the mum is ok to just pass her eating habits to her child?
That is also abuse- if that’s what’s happening in this case. Perhaps not the place of the OP but is someone’s place IF that’s what’s happening. Shoving a load of biscuits and cake down is not normal and it’s not healthy. That’s my opinion. Probably get flamed/ let the child eat what ever she wants- but certainly wouldn’t want that for my child.

The mum can go and see a health professional to talk about her child's diet. In all liklihood, mum would have gone home and comfort ate after this complete ambush by a shower of schoolyard bullies. That kind of behaviour is absolutely not beneficial to child or mum. And anyone who thinks it is, is utterly deluded. But more likely, just a bitchy wagon.

Leah5678 · 05/07/2023 17:16

I was skinny as a child and still hoovered up food at all the parties I remember the food being my favourite part of a party. I don't think the mum's comment is as big a deal as you're making out just sounds like a joke to me.
On the other hand if the child is overweight and not being fed proper meals at home thats a different problem

CrocodileOenophile · 05/07/2023 17:17

Geraniumgal · 05/07/2023 13:53

My point is if a child hears a parent using the term binge eating disorder to excuse excessive over eating it then normalises it for the child. It's not language that should be used around children surely?

And what was she supposed to do confronted by an idiot mum who spoke to her in front of the said child?

Hibiscrubbed · 05/07/2023 17:17

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/07/2023 16:52

Nope it has been my point all along. This didn't need to be a mean girl gang up.

If there was actual concern, one person having a quiet word would have been more than sufficient.

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But the ‘mean girl gang up’ is your projected narrative, not what the OP has said.

drpet49 · 05/07/2023 17:20

Missingmyusername · 05/07/2023 16:48

No. Merely told the mother what her child had eaten. If that’s fat shaming, then all school mum’s do it here if there are a play dates etc.

If they were laughing then yes.

The only one who is being abusive is the child’s mother.

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Absolutely this!

Chickenkeev · 05/07/2023 17:21

Hibiscrubbed · 05/07/2023 17:17

But the ‘mean girl gang up’ is your projected narrative, not what the OP has said.

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Well OP says two other mums were commenting. So yeah, mean girls all the way. None of them bothered to actually do anything despite their apparent concern.