School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

you put her on the spot and made her feel uncomfortable about her child's choices while she wasn't there.

but we all know this is MN where everyone just eats half a lettuce and a single glass of air every week so you won't get any common sense here with regards to what an unsupervised 7 year old will do at a birthday party..

I feel for this Mum really as I had similar at an end of year 6 disco my DD attended but it was the opposite in that it was two Mum's on PTA informing me that my DD hadn't really eaten anything of the designated hot dog or burger item, She was with her friend who literally doesn't eat so I would imagine they were just busy dancing and enjoying themselves. I'm not really sure what you are supposed to say to these 'well meaning' (?) Observations.

Tbf it was me that mentioned carrot sticks. I just find it stange that if you care that much you'll offer them unhealthy food and then be faux surprised. If you feel that strongly, you wouldn't dream of offering it in the first place surely?

Gosh OP you've had a real bashing here. I don't understand MN sometimes

I think you're being entirely reasonable to be concerned about not just the child's eating habits but the way her mum made a joke about it in front of her. To my knowledge binge eating is a mental illness, like all eating disorders - its not a label that you jokingly attach to someone who eats too much and I would be inclined to think the child is just copying her mum's behaviour, rather than having an eating disorder.

If the mum or indeed the child DOES have a binge eating disorder then that's awful to have to live with and they have my sympathy. But the mum shouldn't be joking about it and normalising it for her child, she should be seeking help. I also think its quite offensive towards people who have eating disorders for her to have made a joke about it tbh. Its sort of like how people say 'I'm sooo OCD haha' or 'I'm totally depressed lol' when they have no experience whatsoever about OCD or clinical depression.

As to the people saying 'why post about it when you can't do anything' - you could ask that of a lot of posts on MN. It's an anonymous forum for people to talk/share etc...there doesn't always have to be a purpose?

Sorry you've been treated horribly OP, it sounds to me like you were just concerned about them

As there was a disco and party games and lots of running around, I can imagine DD not eating, she tends to forget and get distracted in exciting times. She eats at home it Is more if there is something better to do.

There isn’t an age limit on binge eating disorder, the mum might have literally meant that they have it.

The thread was started in relation to the Mum labelling her 7yr old child as having a binge eating disorder. Her exact words!

Did she use the word 'disorder'? Your OP didn't mention that?

How would you expect the Mum to react to other Mums pulling her aside to judge her child's eating?

It was probably a jokey comment to get away as quickly as possible!

Clearly it’s not great. But I can’t really imagine posting about it on mumsnet if I witnessed it. What’s the point? What did you gain from the thread?

You pretended to want to know if it was normal, but as the other children were not doing it, you already knew it was unusual. You posted because it stood out to you, that’s presumably because you don’t see it often or hear other parents talking about inheriting binge eating.

You also know many kids are overweight at a young age and so are not eating appropriately. But I still don’t understand the point of the thread except to be unpleasant.

I’m sorry but you obviously have no idea about binge eating disorders.

I don’t believe she is saying it to allow her to eat as many biscuits as she wants.

She is saying it because you questioned her and like with most binge eaters the little girl will have these sorts of treats restricted and so when they have access to them they can’t help but over eat them.

I used to have a binge eating disorder and any sort of treats were off the table and I would not allow any in my home.
Of course when I did have access I’d go silly, then I’d feel guilty and restrict myself again and the cycle would continue.

My young DD started copying my eating habits and did develop into binge eating.
I actually came on here to get advice and we have both now managed to control our binge eating.

The mum is overly strict with healthy food because she’s overweight.
So when the child has access to sugar she is going to go mad, compared to a child who is allowed treats more often.

Sorry you've been treated horribly OP, it sounds to me like you were just concerned about them

😂😂😂

Inherited metabolic conditions don't tend to cause obesity, if you're thinking of Prader-Willi (which causes excessive appetite) for example then that is normally caused by a random genetic error.
List of the more common inherited metabolic conditions and their effects here,
https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/inherited-metabolic-disorder-types-and-treatments

There is also on this forum a belief that anyone who is obese/overweight has either an eating disorder and/or a food addiction. Not everyone who is overweight has this as the cause.

So in terms of the girl and the mum, you have no idea why she was eating the biscuits the way she was observed or why the mum is overweight.

What a weird thread. Generally, I keep my nose out of other people's business. I couldn't get fussed over kids eating junk at a party. They all do. Not eating a proper meal as a one-off won't hurt her, and what she eats at home is her mum's business.

I don't have overweight kids, btw.

You did the right thing ... I wouldn't be surprised if she went home and had a secret guilty cry.

This sums up the fat-shamers' attitude. Made a lardy mummy cry! Well done, you!

Apart from the sheer cruelty & social unpleasantness demonstrated: you know what addicts do when they feel shamed or shunned? That's right; they self-soothe with their addiction. Now you're feeling proud of bullying a mother & child, go ahead and enjoy the thought that you'll have prompted another binge on the way home.

If fat shaming worked, there would be no fat people.

Kid loves biscuits, someone call social services!

I am not even sure they are binge eaters. Many of my very slim friends will say " I binge ate my way through my period." It's a manner of speaking. Not a reason to shame this lady and her kid.

@Geraniumgal Did nobody tell the girl to share the biscuits and cakes with the other children?

It's like anxiety disorder. For some it is a disorder and others use the term for everything that makes them uncomfortable.

But if the mum is morbidly obese it's likely an eating disorder. You have to eat a lot every day just to maintain the high weight.

Personally, if someone had told me that my kids had not eaten a proper tea, I wouldn't have cared. They have the rest of the week to eat properly. Unless they ate all the cake, and the others didn't get any.

I agree!

Restricting it or shaming it is going to make someone binge eat more.

Not eating a proper tea every once in a while isn’t going to kill you and isn’t going to cause obesity.

One of my friends is extremely obese, and her daughter is stocky/tall and eats a lot. I know my friend would hate her daughter to be like her. I can imagine her in this position and she would have made a joke and run off awkwardly. Essentially im saying im sure she's aware.

well perhaps she does have a binge eating disorder.
not your concern

Perhaps the child is "overweight" because she's on medication - had you considered that, @Geraniumgal ? Maybe her mother is "morbidly obese" because she's on steroids...?

Honestly, and I say this kindly, you know jack-shit about this family and their life together. For all you know, the child was grabbing the biscuits and cake because she doesn't get them at home, and therefore, no; she wouldn't have wanted the sandwiches and carrot sticks. My stick-thin daughter used to do this at that age, at birthday parties... but because she was slim, no one ever commented on her behaviour, other than to wish me well with the inevitable sugar crash! At home, though, her diet was meat and veggies, few snacks, lots of fruit, and water instead of juice or pop. My choices as a parent went out of the window at children's birthday parties, though... as I'm sure every parent who doesn't hover round the rampaging hordes trying to give them complexes about never eating things like cake and biscuits (or, you know, disordered eating...)n will testify to!

(What child in their right mind does want fucking carrot sticks at a birthday party, for fuck's sake?!)

Just the other day, I had the mother of one of my 18 year old son's friends take me aside and tell me that my son is anorexic - when... dear gods above, no. He eats for England and then some... he just happens to have had a lot of upwards, rather than outwards, growth-spurts. But they made this assumption because... they only ever see him wearing baggy hoodies!!! Fair enough, she was concerned - but she's also one of the "unkind mothers" who clique together at the school gates, who thrives on creating drama. If I'd been in a less-kind mood, myself, when she told me this... I could have told her a few home-truths about her own son and his behaviour (steroid and cocaine abuse, not to mention that he beat up another boy very badly a few weeks ago, and regularly fucks around on his long-term girlfriend) but not my circus, not my monkeys. I strive not to lower myself to that same level.

In short? You worry about your kid and your weight. Keep your beak out of other people's business unless you have categoric proof that there is genuine, actual abuse going on,

actually @contrary13 I often had nosy people telling me slim DD was anorexic. She's not. We are Asian, so slighter than most Western people. I was the same at her age- not any more!- so I know it's a family thing. My DS is also super slim. You can't win these days; if your kids are slim they are anorexic, if chubby, then they are binge eaters.

It's always best to mind your own business.