School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

I guarantee that if the thread was about a child who refused to eat because they said they didn’t want to be fat, and then a very slim mother turned up to collect her, whatever the OP did, posters would be laying into the mother for ‘projecting clear ED onto her daughter’.

This sounds a whole lot like nothing to do with you.

I think your whole thread is ridiculous but how does hearing a word like binge, 'normalise it'

What is 'it'?

You dont know if the child 'binge eats' or even if she was eating too much. You just felt uncomfortable watching a fat child eat biscuits in the way that you wouldnt have felt watching a skinny child eat biscuits.

But you did nothing to stop her nor redirect her so are also contributing to that problem no??

Then to make it worse, you and your clique of school mums decide to single out the parent and the child by shaming her. I can almost hear the whispers between you all, each time that child reached in for another biscuit.

You're the the type that should be avoided in the school yard!

Op, are you going to clarify how this allegedly private conversation with a "few" parents came about and how the child would have heard?

Or are you going to stick to shaming someone you and other parents ambushed on a personal topic that you know nothing about and is none of your business

Poor child on her own, listening or feeling being spoken about by a group of mums judging her food intake, while clutching their pearls

You could quite easily be describing my 6yo DS. Take him anywhere where food is on display buffet style and he will want all of it with complete disregard to the fact that it’s shared and there should be enough for everyone. I’m trying really hard with him - he has ASD, FASD, ADHD, GDD and Pica so it’s not an easy task. You have no really idea of what this mum is already doing to try to tackle her daughters eating so to come and post about it on an online forum judging both her and her child is nasty.

I mean yes, it's not good to have a binge eating disorder, and then when through modelling that behaviour, the child does it too. The mum probably realises it's not good for her, not good for her daughter, so was making a light-hearted comment, in the face of what appears to be judgment from other parents. So what are you going to do about it? If you were actually the mum's friend you could help support them, but as you're not, your judgement isn't really going to help them. The school are probably aware, this families' doctor are probably aware, let the professionals deal with it. I highly doubt social services will get involved, unless there's other neglect.

Then to make it worse, you and your clique of school mums decide to single out the parent and the child by shaming her. I can almost hear the whispers between you all, each time that child reached in for another biscuit.

Multiple posters are making this sort of scenario up in order to prop up their own outrage that someone has dared be upset and worried about an overweight child displaying unhealthy behaviours around food.

Why? Is it a reflection on some posters’ own relationships with food? I can only assume so.

Nothing the OP has said suggests they were standing around gossiping and shaming the child. The mum was spoken to privately.

I just don’t understand why, as has been seen on other threads that I will see if I can find when I get a moment, there is always considerably less sympathy for people at the other end of the weight scale.

I think this too. I can imagine the glee (and I don't buy 'upsetting' for a single second).

Good try but the mum was very clearly NOT spoken to privately its there in the OP. And the child was in earshot, again not private

And overweight children are definitely a concern, no one is saying otherwise, but there are appropriate people who need to deal with that, and a group of school mums at a birthday party are not those people

It's a joke. Lighten up. She doesn't mean it literally.

Is 'shaming' really such a bad thing? We've been doing it for as long as humans have existed.

It's a social mechanism that helps people make better choices. We judge others for all sorts of things, and generally there are good reasons for it. People seem to prefer the idea of the government stepping in to enforce behaviour!

It is bloody awful that such a young child should be so overweight, and the poor girl is facing a lifetime of bad health and unhappiness.

Nothing else seems to stop these people from ruining their children's health.

Nothing the OP has said suggests they were standing around gossiping and shaming the child. The mum was spoken to privately.

If the mum was spoken to privately why did it take more than one person (ie not private) and how could the child have overheard?

How do people propose tackling the ‘obesity crisis’ if talking about it, or even showing concern is rebranded as ‘gleeful fat shaming’?

What measures should be taken?

This!

I'd only read the goady OP but have now read the thread. I'm so glad that other posters see this crap for what it is.

It sounds like a passing comment from a mum who’s probably conscious of her own weight.

Why do some people make mountains out of mole hills.

Maybe the child is overeating to deal with emotions of being bullied by the children of mothers who see fit to comment on the weight of other children within earshot. Bullying, just like being overweight, can be a learnt behaviour.

Exactly. Whenever a child is overweight though the responses are always along the lines of mind your own business even though its a form of abuse. Poor child.

OK to clarify. The Mum was given the heads up that the only food items her child had eaten were biscuits. So she knew she had not eaten a substantial tea. This was said Privately.
The Mum collected her child and the MUM said in front of HER child I think she has got her Binge Eating Disorder from me. The child and mum laughed.
No Shaming Took Place.

Yes I agree with this.

I hope you and your friends enjoyed yourselves.

However, I think the parent in the OPs example was reacting defensively to a bunch of parents being pretend-caring smug.

^This. You can do literally nothing about this, so why comment? Do you actually think it's going to help the little girl? Of course it's not. It's just going to make the mum feel bad, which no doubt she already does.

The usual "fat shaming" card....blah blah blah. That child will grow up into another fat adult and the cycle continues.

Letting a child get grossly overweight and laughing it off as her having "the same binge eating addiction" as you do is child abuse. Simple as that.

As for those saying the Op should have stopped the child from eating so much?? Cop yourselves on, how can anyone stop somebody else's child for eating, they have no right to do it like that would have no right to force feed a child. That is the mother's job.

It infuriates me how people make excuses for this shite. If there was something wrong with the child the mother would have said so but no...binge eater like myself, what chance of a healthy life does that child have. It's abuse!

Try and not be so judgmental. Just concentrate on your own healthy eating habits and your family. You have no idea what another child or her mother have been through or what their lives are like. I often say stupid things if I feel put on the spot.