School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

But what was them mentioning it as a group like that actually going to gain?

shaming people isn’t generally a good tactic to change anything is it. Certainly not from people who aren’t in a position to know what they are talking about.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE: 7 year old child at kid's tea party gorges self on biscuits and cake, a literally unprecedented event in the history of childkind.

Child is a fatty though so gossipy mothers descend.

I don’t think shaming is the right word but society was thinner when it was less socially acceptable to be overweight. I don’t walk to the shops in my pyjamas because I know people would think I was a slob, otherwise I would. There should be incentive and that doesn’t always come from within.

course you would

Kids mimic their parents behaviour. I have the traits of my mother. She was always washing hands and wiping door handles etc and I am doing this now!

If the mum is clinically obese then her daughter will think it’s normal to binge on biscuits and rubbish. It’s a shame as bad start for a 7 year old. The mother clearly doesn’t care about the health needs of her child.

In my mind's eye, I see @Goldbar's hypothetical child guest gnawing the arm off anyone that stands between them and the Tunnocks Teacakes.

Thats so sad, poor girl. I would probably mention something to the school tbh.

WTF? What on earth does school have to do with anything? If the tea party was held in class then the teacher was there anyway. If it wasn't then she doesn't need to know, I'm pretty sure having had them in class all year she might just have noticed the child is overweight

I've held hundreds of childrens parties, there are plenty who 'binge' whatever their weight/size. Because they can, and because it's a party. It's the easiest thing in the world for the ones supervising the party to distract children from loading their plates with goodies instead of 'food'. Easier still to manage if you put out savouries first and sweet treats after.

Precisely - at almost every large children's party I've been at, there has been a group of children (of all shapes and sizes) who cluster round the cake/ tea table rather than running around or getting into the entertainment. The supervising adults nicely but firmly send them on their way after they're had their share.

If it was a skinny child eating a lot of junk I bet you wouldn’t have been bitching about the mum behind her back.

Why on earth would you think she wouldn't? It seems a perfectly normal and sensible way to proceed. If the other mothers were so distressed by the number of biscuits the child was eating, they could have got one of the teachers to intervene. The child was certainly in the care of the teaching staff. This would have been much more helpful than taking to task the child's mother. Who can possibly tell from that exchange how seriously her mother takes it? She's hardly going to engage with a bunch of strangers over something so personal and distressing, is she. It's pretty weird that anyone would expect her to.

Thank you to the posters who seem to be getting my point.
It revolved around the binge eating disorder comment made.

So many overweight people self diagnose as having binge eating. If a child at 7yrs is excused by her parents for over eating because they have a binge eating disorder then what chance in life will that child have.

So you think multiple people gathering round this woman to tell her what her daughter ate is going to help either of them do you?

When I was younger I was massivley overweight a d suffered with pretty severe Bulimia. This sort of mean girl group gang up would only have accomplished me having a proper binge, followed by hours of hating myself, purging and thinking my family would be better off without me. I am so lucky that I was able to get decent help from professionals, but I still sometimes want to feel the relief of purging after a binge. Especially when I feel attacked.

I dread to think what I would have done if I had then gone home and realised someone had started an Internet thread about me. I hope the OP and her cronies are pleased with themselves.

Hardly surprising we have a mental health problem too. How do you think hearing you all talk about her eating to her mum made the little girl feel? Imagine that mum seeing a thread about her daughter and herself on mumsnet after the unpleasantness of a few of you pulling her up but also inviting stranger to comment on her daughter and herself.

If you wanted to talk about the obesity problem and the colon verbs about children's health there's ways to do that without being unkind and making it about a specific person you know.

Oh we get your point OP. Your little pitchfork weilding possè knowing nothing about a family situation have appointed yourselves as judge and jury and have decided that one child going nuts at a party whilst grown adults looked on and tutted is the reason why the as a whole population is increasing in weight.

I guarantee had OP done this the responses on here would be as follows
’how dare you tell someone else’s child what they can and cannot eat’
’how dare you embarrass the larger child in front of the others’
’bet if they were skinny you wouldn’t be limiting their food’
‘it’s a party what do you expect’

and so on. And you all know it!

It's not usual no but there's plenty of evidence to show a genetic link to any types of disordered eating. Theres also evidence of an 'addictive gene'.
Most of us are familiar with Nature v Nurture so it's not as simple as inheriting a tenancy however if you're surrounded by 'scoffers and bingers' you're more likely to scoff and binge.
You did the right thing by diplomatically telling the mother what had happened. Don't assume her blasé remark means she's unaware or disinterested in what's happening. I wouldn't be surprised if she went home and had a secret guilty cry.

Lots of kids (and people) will over indulge when faced with biscuits, as others say, if it was so 'upsetting' to watch then step in and distract her

You said that you and a few other parents mentioned it, you also said that the child overheard the mother's response, now you say that no one knew about it because it was done privately - this is a contradiction

Parents use a lot of off hand remarks that children over hear, not ideal but then who knows what pressure she was under and how she felt. She probably walked away thinking 'I shouldnt have said that' but it was too late by then.

Yes and j wouldn't be surprised if she went home and had a secret cry later

Your job (or at least one of the adults at the party's job) was to look after this girl, including preventing her consuming a ridiculous amount of sugary food.

Had you done your job, there would have been no need to "report back" to her mother about the girl's eating and embarrass her.

YABVU to judge anything about this situation.

Yes there can be genetic links to eating disorders. Yes the child has a problem. Is it any of your business? NO.

Thank you to the posters who seem to be getting my point.
It revolved around the binge eating disorder comment made.

No it doesn't, it revolves around you being mean/rude to someone without knowing a single thing about their life. Nasty, judgmental and unnecessary.

So many overweight people self diagnose as having binge eating. If a child at 7yrs is excused by her parents for over eating because they have a binge eating disorder then what chance in life will that child have.

I have never heard any overweight person self diagnose an eating disorder. Because, funnily enough, I wouldn't have the first clue if it was self diagnosed or medically diagnosed. I have however, heard people make defensive statements when they are put on the spot by people they don't know making judgements on their lives.

There are ways of intervening which are tactful and not targeted at one particular child.

You should know, socially it is not the right thing to discuss the eating habits of someone you're obviously not close to if you're not doing so because of your job. Weight is a personal matter, not for discussion in an entirely random group in front of literal strangers. No amount of jumping on a high horse about someone else's presumed ignorance of food is useful here. Its a huge overstep intended to be insulting not at all helpful.

There's a difference between binge eating (behaviour) and binge eating disorder (illness). You're inferring something from what the mum said that she didn't mean