School mum claiming her child has 'inherited' her binge eating disorder

[Geraniumgal]

My daughters class had an end of term tea party yesterday. Typical kids party foods were shared out. However one child was literally grabbing and eating every biscuit she could get her hands on.
This went on for over 20mins and I'm sorry to say it was upsetting to watch. The little girl is 7 and already clearly overweight.

Her Mum arrived to collect her and myself and a few parents mentioned her daughter had only really eaten the biscuits and cake so she knew she hadn't eaten a proper tea.
Mum just laughed it off basically claiming she seems to have inherited her own binge eating.

The child is 7! Is this in any way normal?

Oh come on. It is not OP’s ‘job’ to monitor the eating of other children and you know it. I can’t think of a time this has ever happened, an unrelated adult weighing in to confiscate party food from a child that wasn’t there’s because they were eating too much sugar. If they got hold of some beers meant for the adults then yes. And as I said before if they did confiscate food they would be told YABVVVVU on here, controlling and interfering.

Poor poor child. No manners and no control. All her mother's fault.

The mum was clearly very upset to have made that comment.
It sounds to me that it was one of those spur-of-the-moment things we say when we feel judged or on the spot.

Imagine how she must have felt knowing the other parents had clearly been discussing her child, and possibly her parenting.
It couldn't have been nice for her to walk into that.
"A few parents mentioned that her daughter...." states that it was likely she felt ganged up upon.

It would have been kinder for one mum to have a quiet word, away from everyone else, "We noticed that she didn't want to eat anything other than the biscuits, so we offered her a sandwich"

The mum will be very aware that her daughter is overweight, and is likely receiving help/ advice from the appropriate people.
She may well be following a healthy eating plan, and doing all she can, but there is little she can do if she is not present with her daughter at a party.

The parent obviously has issues with her weight, you have NO IDEA on how aware or not she is of the root causes of that and the impact it has on her parenting and child - which go well beyond stuffing her face with cream cakes, because it is none of your business and discussing it with other parents in this context and a "few" of you embarrassing the woman reflects very poorly on you.

That daughter is fat because the mum is fat and they probably both eat too much. It is sad for the kid but there is not anything you or the other parents can do.

I think the mum was embarrassed at this being raised by so many parents so she joked about the binge-eating disorder to deflect. I very much doubt she really believe her girl has this.

The whole scenario makes me cringe. The number of faux-concerned parents raising it, the mum’s embarrassed ‘joke’, and then you rushing back to type this as fast as your skinny fingers would let you.

At the heart of this is a child who is probably behind over-fed and I feel sad for her. I really hope someone at school or in the health profession is supporting this family. Nothing is gained by a group of parents gleefully reporting back to the mum, other than giving them something to gossip about.

Oh come on. It is not OP’s ‘job’ to monitor the eating of other children and you know it

No it's not (unless she is the host) and neither is it her job to point out to any other person what their child has had to eat at a party.

@Sweetashunni . There must have been an adult/adults in charge of supervising this girl if her mother wasn't there.

And you know that do you?

Supervising means making sure they don’t come to immediate harm. Not confiscating party rings because she’s on a slow slide to diabetes and heart failure.

A 7yr old shouldn't be hearing the word Binge in relation to any over eating. It normalises it for a child. In exactly the same way young primary school kids all now claim to be suffering from anxiety.
They are learning this language from their parents.

I thought it was a private conversation OP?

Well, there is no way I would want you people supervising my child then.

I would expect an adult to step in if my child was behaving badly, taking more than their fair share or eating themselves sick.

You said that you and a few other parents mentioned it, you also said that the child overheard the mother's response, now you say that no one knew about it because it was done privately - this is a contradiction

This is the point I was about to make. I suspect the OP wanted people to think that the child heard the mother make the comments to show how outrageous it was, but when someone pointed out that the child would then also have overheard the group of mums shame her, they were at pains to point out it was done privately...

I agree with a lot of PPs - I imagine it was a defensive remark made on the spur of the moment. I am sure the mother is aware of both her own size and that of her child and didn't need "a group of you" to "gently" point it out.

Isn’t sugar addiction some sort of a HAD symptom I remember Simply telling me that their daughter would literally jam out of a jar with a spoon because of it

Not necessarily. I’m about to collect my nephews and nieces from school- they will go through my house like locusts if left to their own devices- they are all thin. My sister gives them normal home cooked meals, the odd takeaway and a pudding after dinner. She is a slim size (about a 10) and does a workout most days of the week… they just have an insane appetite for ‘treats’. They would definitely be these kids at a party if no one intervened.

I think it's the faux concern that gets me 🤣

This is all so wrong.

You should have all kept your mouths shut.

Why is it so bad to be concerned that an overweight child, with a very overweight mother, displayed deeply unhealthy behaviours around food? Behaviour which the mother laughed off as just her ‘binge eating disorder’.

People weren’t gossiping and laughing, they were worried. Should they have said nothing because the child is over weight?

Would the same apply if the child was underweight and had said they didn’t want to eat anything because they didn’t want to be fat? I bet the responses would be very different.

A lot of the responses on here make me wonder about posters’ own relationships with food.

Sounds like there could be genetic issues relating to appetite and her Mum has been restricting high calorie foods, so she’s taking advantage while she can. Not sure it’s any of your business really, feels like you just want to have a dig at fat people and show how superior you are in your parenting and attitude food.

However you do not know why mum is overweight. I suffered trauma in my childhood which lead to me eating my feelings from my teens when I started earning money up until my mid 30s. At my largest I weighed 22 stone and was a size 26. We all know eating our feelings is not the best way to handle them but food can provide a short lived but immediate happy feeling. Maybe the mother needs help and not the feeling that everyone is piling on judgement.

If one person had had a quiet word of actual concern, your point may be valid.

That is clearly not what happened here, displayed by the fact it was considered a group activity to go for this woman about her daughters eating habits at a party.

Oh and it was a 'private' conversation, absolutely bit heard by any of the other children (likely to then go and use this as a stick to bully the daughter about) yet the OP is worried about the girl hearing the words. It can't have been that private then could it?

The responses would be exactly the same if the child was underweight, it did not need to happen in that way. It is the delivery most people are upset about. If you can't see that, then I can only assume you also indulge in these mean girl group sessions. How utterly sad and pathetic for you.

Did you take her to one side to tell her or tell her in front of other parents?

Totally this - you see a skinny child with ribs sticking out, and it's child abuse. Yet you see a porky one who can't run about and enjoy playing as a CHILD should do, and that's ok? Being fat is as bad for a child as being too thin!

If you can't see that, then I can only assume you also indulge in these mean girl group sessions. How utterly sad and pathetic for you.

What on earth are you talking about?

Degenerating into name-calling just illustrates the intense oversensitivity around this issue.