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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Close family members disinterested in our baby - unsure if normal or not?

163 replies

Birminghambabe · 05/07/2023 09:36

I’m not really sure how I feel on this one. Myself and DH have a 3 month old and of course to us the centre of our whole world.

I’ve always been a firm believer of just because you’re getting married, having babies etc doesn’t mean everyone else around you is going to be as obsessed as you are because they’ve got their own life going on.
Yet for some reason since our baby has been born part of me is a bit miffed that one of my siblings and one of DH siblings are so disinterested in the fact we’ve had a baby. They never ask how baby is, haven’t met our baby yet (have cancelled plans to do so or said they’re busy).
At the same time I’m saying to myself it’s fine, they’re not baby people, they didn’t ask to be an aunt and uncle etc but when people mention how our siblings are loving auntie and uncle life I say they haven’t met our baby and they follow with “wow, that’s so bad!”

Please let me know what you think about this? Right now I’m not super hurt about it, but as time goes on maybe I am getting a bit bothered

YANBU - They probably should at least ask how baby is, maybe make a bit of effort
YABU - It’s fine that they aren’t interested, they’re just not baby people

OP posts:
Backtoreality1 · 05/07/2023 09:59

As an Aunt myself I can safely say that although I am very pleased for my brother and his family, their children really do count very low on my day to day concerns. I meet up with them about once a year, and that is plenty.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 05/07/2023 10:01

Cancelling arranged plans is a bit shitty but honestly, other people’s babies are boring and other peoples toddlers/young children and often annoying.

Luxell934 · 05/07/2023 10:01

Depends on your relationship with them before having kids? Were you very close? Or only saw them a few times a year?

I guess some people aren’t really bothered about babies and having kids. Why would friends be asking how they are enjoying uncle and auntie life?

Original poster
Birminghambabe · 05/07/2023 10:03

@Luxell934 I’d say meet up 8-10 times a year and not super close but message often etc

Also not really sure it’s not something I’ve ever asked anyone else! I’ve had about 3/4 people ask me

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 05/07/2023 10:05

If you're close to them or have a decent relationship with them i don't think it's too much to ask for them to come and meet the baby and offer congratulations. Relationships aren't all about only doing what interests you, they require effort on things that are important to the people we care about and having a baby falls into that category IMO. I wouldn't expect them to be asking for daily updates or pictures but some effort would be nice assuming you will do the same to mark important events in their lives.

KPops22 · 05/07/2023 10:06

How far away from them do you live?

dooneyousmugelf · 05/07/2023 10:07

I find that very strange if I'm honest. I'd be wondering wtf was going on with them

Hazelnuttella · 05/07/2023 10:07

I think it’s very odd not to go and meet your new baby niece/nephew.

Yes it’s not hugely exciting after that, but it’s rude not to bother to visit at all. It’s a major life event for you and they should be showing some interest.

Original poster
Birminghambabe · 05/07/2023 10:07

@KPops22 an hour from my sister and three and a half hours from DH brother

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 05/07/2023 10:08

Are you sure they’re not having fertility issues?

MrsU2022 · 05/07/2023 10:09

I absolutely adore my niece (Brother's daughter). I am due my first baby in a couple of weeks and he and his partner are so excited.

However my DH brother and wife have not bothered with me at all during my pregnancy, have had no contact and they've not shown any interest and I don't expect them to when the baby is here. They are utterly self absorbed and don't like anyone else having the limelight. It's quite apparent that the first grandchild on this side of the family will be 'taking away' from their upcoming house move.

Very prepared to experience 2 completely different relationships - I've learnt just to not have any expectations from the ones that don't show any interest! It's difficult but just focus on the ones that bring you and your little family love and joy x

CocoPlum · 05/07/2023 10:09

KimberleyClark · 05/07/2023 10:08

Are you sure they’re not having fertility issues?

I wondered this. It's possible they have struggled to get/remain pregnant and seeing your baby is too hard.

Original poster
Birminghambabe · 05/07/2023 10:10

@KimberleyClark @CocoPlum no both don’t really like babies! Do not want any their selves x

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/07/2023 10:13

Babies aren’t very interesting tbh; they’re better when they can talk and you can take them to the pub for a drink so maybe 16ish

Instawars · 05/07/2023 10:13

Babies can do funny things to families. When my brother and his wife had a baby it was incredibly painful for me. I had heard for years about their struggles to conceive and how painful it was for them etc, all the while I was going through similar struggles but didn’t want to add further upset to the family by telling them my own issues with having a child.
when they got pregnant everyone was delighted and I was expected to be over the moon, and whilst thrilled for them it is incredibly painful seeing them have a baby whilst I am still childless.

they might not be interested, they might dislike children or find babies boring, they might have had to reconcile themselves to the fact they can’t have children. Just leave them be and concentrate on the people who are interested in your baby rather than pushing on those who aren’t interested.

i get that it’s a really exciting time for you and you want to show off the new addition, but stick to those who are interested -I’m sure there are plenty of those

Boringnamechanged · 05/07/2023 10:15

Birminghambabe · 05/07/2023 10:10

@KimberleyClark @CocoPlum no both don’t really like babies! Do not want any their selves x

So why do you think they're going to find this baby interesting?

borntobequiet · 05/07/2023 10:15

I wouldn’t go out of my way to “meet” a baby, whoever it belonged to. Babies aren’t very interesting. I first encountered all my siblings’ children when they were older.

YouJustDoYou · 05/07/2023 10:17

My husband's family don't give a shit about our kids either, but then they're shit people themselves so we just got with things on our own.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 05/07/2023 10:18

People have babies every day, it's beyond common.

For the parents of that child it's their world, a life changing event.

You've said it yourself, they don't really like babies, why would they make a fuss if that's the case? If you said you didn't like golf and your sister was obsessed with it, would you travel to go and watch her play? Ok it's a shit analogy but you get the point

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/07/2023 10:23

I think they should have come to see the baby and congratulate you - that is not much to ask if they live at all near you.

Beyond that...only the first baby in each generation gets lots of attention, so I'm wondering if there are already other grandchildren? In which case your beautiful Number 1 baby is just another name on the list. But you will still be expected to show interest in their future babies Grin.

SalviaDivinorum · 05/07/2023 10:24

As an aunt I can say I have virtually no interest in my siblings children. I don’t like babies at all and when colleagues visited with their newborns I’d go and hide somewhere.

Just because they are vaguely related doesn’t change things. I fake any interest I do show

MangshorJhol · 05/07/2023 10:28

I know babies are boring (I have 3 kids one of whom is a baby) but you can’t have a relationship with a niece or a nephew at 16 if you have ignored them your whole life. I don’t find other people’s children endlessly fascinating but I recognise that if I want a relationship with their parents I cant ignore their baby but also that babies don’t stay babies forever.
I don’t always find elderly people to be fascinating company. It doesn’t mean I have an arbitrary age cut off where I stop interacting with family members. The same applies in reverse.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 05/07/2023 10:31

Also not really sure it’s not something I’ve ever asked anyone else! I’ve had about 3/4 people ask me

I find it a bit odd that other people ask you this. What is an 'auntie' or 'uncle' life? It might be a bit sad if grandparents showed no interest but siblings who clearly have no interest in babies wouldn't upset me. I think I only really interacted with nephews and nieces when they were old enough to play (whilst my sis and BIL dozed in the corner!).

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 05/07/2023 10:32

My ils had no interest in our dc.. Been 8 years since we saw them.

billy1966 · 05/07/2023 10:36

Op,

Really try not to allow this to cause you upset unnecessarily.

They do not live nearby, have zero interest in children nor intend to have children themselves.

This isn't meant to hurt you, they are just oblivious.

I don't think it is unusual, especially when they don't live nearby.

Obviously if they lived 5 minutes away, it would be strange, but that is not the case.

As your baby grows and becomes a lovely cute personality, hopefully they will show some interest, but the truth is for many many people, until they have children of their own, they often have zero interest.

I would strongly recommend you try and accept that and don't cause an unnecessary rift.

Your child could well become a hugely loved person in their lives if you can just accept that people are different.

Enjoy your baby and don't allow anything to sour it.

In the long run, I think you will be glad if you do.