Close family members disinterested in our baby - unsure if normal or not?

[Birminghambabe]

I’m not really sure how I feel on this one. Myself and DH have a 3 month old and of course to us the centre of our whole world.

I’ve always been a firm believer of just because you’re getting married, having babies etc doesn’t mean everyone else around you is going to be as obsessed as you are because they’ve got their own life going on.
Yet for some reason since our baby has been born part of me is a bit miffed that one of my siblings and one of DH siblings are so disinterested in the fact we’ve had a baby. They never ask how baby is, haven’t met our baby yet (have cancelled plans to do so or said they’re busy).
At the same time I’m saying to myself it’s fine, they’re not baby people, they didn’t ask to be an aunt and uncle etc but when people mention how our siblings are loving auntie and uncle life I say they haven’t met our baby and they follow with “wow, that’s so bad!”

Please let me know what you think about this? Right now I’m not super hurt about it, but as time goes on maybe I am getting a bit bothered

YANBU - They probably should at least ask how baby is, maybe make a bit of effort
YABU - It’s fine that they aren’t interested, they’re just not baby people

Just because they say they don’t like babies/ don’t want any doesn’t necessarily mean that’s true. I’ve had repeated ivf failure, I pretend to people I’m not interested when I get asked about children. The truth is so devastating for me. I obviously do not go out of my way to meet other people’s babies either, it’s too upsetting.

It may genuinely not like kids. They don’t have to want to see yours all the time!

In that case, yours won’t be much different!

when people mention how our siblings are loving auntie and uncle life

I have to say that nobody ever asked me this and it’s a bit of an odd question!

If you are asked, I’d reply-‘they aren’t really fussed by babies’

You’re having the courtesy to fake interest though, which is the difference. And you avoided the colleagues with babies (presumably subtly!) rather than just ignoring them.

When I took my daughter into work to meet my colleagues (because I knew the majority of them genuinely were really excited to see her) there was one member of the team who literally couldn’t have been less interested. She is my mum’s age and has children of her own, so it wasn’t fertility related- she just didn’t care. I personally think it’s rude to be that obviously disinterested in a major life event of someone you’ve known for years, but there you go 🤷🏻‍♀️

MN is so weird and so anti family- YANBU Op- they’ve behaved appallingly - I would be gutted if my daughters behaved like this to one another.

I guess because they are their first nephew part of me expected them to at least meet him but I am not too hurt as I say in my OP - they’ve never been baby people so I’m not shocked. Was just interested to hear what people think about it really.

If you were very close prior & now they are disinterested then that would bother me a bit but otherwise it wouldn’t bother me, I’m an aunt & honestly whilst they were babies I really wasn’t that fussed about them, mainly because people with babies have nothing else to talk about & it’s all very boring

I am a aunt myself. I am very pleased for my brother and sol but really I am quite disinterested in their children of I'm honest.

It seems very strange to me, as in my family siblings would be waiting at home or hospital to meet the baby that day. Even if you don't like babies you make some effort, leaving it 3 months is weird.

Inevitably they will have babies one day and expect you and DH to be doting on them from the off.

I often wonder why people bother to make posts like this because as usual the responses are vile, and the op's are always told they are the unreasonable ones.
The truth is people are more self absorbed and selfish as ever. Of course it is horrible that your family are like this, but sadly it is very very common. The responses on here reflect the tone of modern society, abhorrent and selfish.

Your expectations are entirely reasonable, OP.

Did they even send a card?

I think they rude but just ignore it.

I think it’s a bit rude of them to not come and meet the baby. Maybe not a special visit from the one who lives 3.5 hours away, I would expect them to meet when you were going to be seeing them anyway.

You could say exactly the same about OP. She's self-absorbed with her own baby and expects everyone to drop everything and visit the second she's had a baby.

BIL lives 3.5 hours away (cost of petrol to travel), that would involve taking a whole weekend to visit, an overnight stay somewhere (more cost) and it's only been 3 months, people do have lives going on themselves, all to see a baby they're not fussed about. Not really that difficult to understand.

I don't think it's the relatives that are self-absorbed.

You don’t have to like babies, because let’s face it newborns are quite boring, but you show up and say congratulations because supporting close family through a big life change is just what you do. Your expectations are completely normal and I see why you’re disappointed.

I don't think 3 months is that long at all. especially for your brother who lives 3.5 hours away, that's an absolute mission.

I think that’s your answer. You have had a baby. They are no doubt pleased for you, but as they have zero interest in babies and your baby is too young to have any interest in them, I wouldn’t expect your siblings to rush to ‘meet’ them.

Of course it would be nice if they seemed more excited about your new arrival, and I completely understand why you’re keen to introduce them to the family but I think it’s just a case of different strokes for different folks and I wouldn’t take this personally.

Most importantly though - congratulations on your new baby! I bet they’re absolutely gorgeous.

Seven hours to see a small person who will take no interest in them ( may well scream at the sight of them)

I don’t think I would be signing up for that, either tbh. Send them a nice photo, hopefully they can be polite in return.

My own brother didn’t meet any of my children till basically pure coincidence of being sane place same time. His child free don’t want kids not fussed by them. I’m not fussed by his not being fussed either.

I’m not fussed by my sils children either take them or leave them. Preferably leave them 😅.

Where does it say that she expected to have visited straight away? We also have no idea where she suggested meeting, is perfectly plausible that the plans that were cancelled were somewhere halfway/not at her house.

I’m really glad that the majority of posters on here aren’t my siblings. We look out for each other as a family, and yes that sometimes means doing things we don’t especially want to do in order to support someone else or make them happy.

If they love you then they should make the effort for your sake, regardless of whether they think babies are boring. It’s a big deal in your life and they should show a token interest at least.

I don't understand these responses. I definitely didn't find my neices and nephews boring and couldn't wait to visit them when they were born.
I'm not particularly interested in other people's babies but surely your siblings babies are different. Unless you aren't close to said siblings I suppose.

One of my husband's sisters isn't very interested and has seen our 2 year old once. It doesn't bother me though, I couldn't care less about her to be honest. Sad for my husband though as they were close once.

Inevitably they will have babies one day and expect you and DH to be doting on them from the off.

That's unlikely since OP says they're not interested in having children.

We have tried to plan meeting at DH parents which is in the middle but slightly closer to BIL. We are happy to drive around with baby and don’t expect everyone to come to us. Once baby was a few weeks old we were driving around with him, one of my friends expected us to only come to her for the first 8 months of babies life so I didn’t want to be the same haha (love her still though lol)

I don't think people find their baby nephews and nieces particularly interesting unless they really like babies and/or are very close to the sibling in question anyway.

Neither of those apply in your case.

I did go and see my new nieces/nephews just after they were born as a politeness, but it was really just that. I then went back to having minimal interest in them.

Thank you for all responses! Reading those of aunts who are honest and say they find no interest in the babies has made me realise it’s okay and totally normal, so I’m not going to give it any more headspace really.