Close family members disinterested in our baby - unsure if normal or not?

[Birminghambabe]

I’m not really sure how I feel on this one. Myself and DH have a 3 month old and of course to us the centre of our whole world.

I’ve always been a firm believer of just because you’re getting married, having babies etc doesn’t mean everyone else around you is going to be as obsessed as you are because they’ve got their own life going on.
Yet for some reason since our baby has been born part of me is a bit miffed that one of my siblings and one of DH siblings are so disinterested in the fact we’ve had a baby. They never ask how baby is, haven’t met our baby yet (have cancelled plans to do so or said they’re busy).
At the same time I’m saying to myself it’s fine, they’re not baby people, they didn’t ask to be an aunt and uncle etc but when people mention how our siblings are loving auntie and uncle life I say they haven’t met our baby and they follow with “wow, that’s so bad!”

Please let me know what you think about this? Right now I’m not super hurt about it, but as time goes on maybe I am getting a bit bothered

YANBU - They probably should at least ask how baby is, maybe make a bit of effort
YABU - It’s fine that they aren’t interested, they’re just not baby people

I have no interest in children and babies whatsoever and that includes my nieces and nephews.

And no, I'm not losing out on anything that I would want whatsoever.

My brother has seen his nieces 6 times, the eldest is 16. Some people are definitely not interested. To be honest though it's better as he also has weird ideas about how I should be parenting, a lot of not interested in kids people do seem particularly 'free' with their opinions on parenting

And he definitely judges me for having had kids he can't accept that is something I did want and basically acts as though my children are terrible mistakes (all planned, thanks). At least I know when they're all grown up to carry on avoiding him and his close minded self.

There is no normal. It varies hugely.
My SILs don't have children themselves and absolutely LOVE children. They're extremely attentive aunts and spend a lot of time thinking about our children. When they're with them they're amazing! Never ending energy for playing!
My siblings I think are fairly fond of the children but don't really think of them much. They're very busy with their own lives. When we all get together they enjoy seeing the children. Apart from that they never mention them, ask about them or think about them.
So my in laws and sibling are opposite ends of the scale but both normal in my opinion. And there are many people in the middle too.

Have you offered to meet them half way? Or do expect them to come to you?

YANBU

YANBU That is so sad. But have you sat and thought what your relationship with your siblings is like? My daughter has lovely uncles and aunties. They traveled 500 km just to meet her. But then, our relationship is close, and I keep them posted too. It is their loss and you can´t change them.

It is their loss and you can´t change them.

Surely it's only their loss if they're actually interested in babies/children, which they aren't.

I don't think they're unreasonable to not rush to meet your baby when they aren't local and it's fine that they aren't really interested in him but I think it's polite to ask how he is when they're already talking to you. Just out of basic courtesy.

Do you get on with them and have you taken an interest in their lives recently, in the last couple of years? Or do you feel more important since you’ve had a baby?

I personally don't feel I've lost out in not being interested in my not-very close siblings' children.

I suspect OP's siblings don't think they are missing out either.

As a PP said - babies are actually quite dull.

I'm going to say something that society wouldn't expect, but when having a baby, some people get really upset and/or angry for various reasons.

My sil actually cried and was angry, even though she didn't want kids, it made her feel like she was lacking.

My sister barely asked about our babies because she felt she'd left it too late to have her own.

My mum wasn't coping as she thought i'd stop caring as much about her, and more about my PILs.

There's so many times i've seen this with friends and family.

Strangely everytime it's been women, not men, who get angry/upset at others having kids.

Avoiding seems to easier for them. It's threatening to their main character syndrome.

I’d be pretty miffed if my sister/brother hadn’t come to meet my new baby after 3 months. Lots of my friends weren’t bothered and maybe posted a card or whatever but somehow that doesn’t bother me but a sibling somehow because it’s partly their blood would bother me.

I'm going to say something that society wouldn't expect, but when having a baby, some people get really upset and/or angry for various reasons.

I don't think there's any evidence that they're angry or upset.

I'm talking about my own experiences, as listed, where they were indeed angry/upset.

I thought it'd be interesting to the OP.

I wohldnt go see anyone's baby to be honest. I hate the noises they make, the smells, the crying ugh. I'm autistic tho so I guess I can use that as an excuse. I would send a "congrats u shat out a kid" text 🤷🏼‍♂️ worded nicely obviously. If they sent pics I would heart them or give a thumbs up. I just don't care about babies. I loved mine, doted on her and spoiled her, she was amazing as a baby. Well behaved, quiet, cute etx. Other people's? No thanks.

Some people are just not into babies - I have two of the earlier editions and have to say I have very very little interest in anyone else's! If I am presented with the opportunity I will actively avoid holding them -now a kitten or puppy..........

Given the fact they have said they don't want them then I wouldn't expect them to engage until the baby is a real personality that they may engage with. My pair are older teen and pre teen they have long distance relationships with some of my "baby avoidant" family members based on some shared interests. I am sure this will happen for you as well.

I wouldn’t expect them to show a particular interest in your baby for all the reasons above.

However, I would expect them to show an interest in you their sibling. Have they asked how you are, how you’re getting along, are you getting enough sleep etc?

Crikey, what kinds of siblings do you have! I mean one thing if you never saw them but to go from seeing them every month or 2 to now they can’t meet for over 3 months and can’t be bothered to see your newborn baby.
So weird!

Even if you’re not bothered about babies, surely the fact your sibling has been through something big is worth talking about. I mean you’d do it for house moves, new jobs, holidays etc etc.

Maybe they’re put out that life is changing now a new generation has come along. Not jealous, but a bit of a shock that life has moved on.

I’d be annoyed and hurt if my siblings didn’t come to meet our new baby. my whole family is actively involved with DS, just like I have amazing close relationships with all 3 of my nephews and love them to pieces / actively want to spend time with them.

Whereas DH isn’t close to his siblings particularly and we only see his nieces and nephews on birthdays / Christmas - this relationship is fine and suits everyone as they never really see our DS either (although have met him and send gifts / messages etc)

I think it most likely depends on the already existing family dynamics.

One of my friends is infertile and IVF is not an option for them.

no both don’t really like babies! Do not want any their selves x
**
This is their official position; only a couple of people know the truth.

I think it's awful, really rude and hurtful. I think most posters on here just try to be controversial these days, I don't believe so many people think it is ok not to bother to go and meet a nice/nephew when they usually see you about once a month especially!

Ultimately this.

If having a relationship isn't their priority they've not lost because they never valued it in the first place.

Thats not personal. Its just... well .... life.

Id put money on there being some sort of fertility problem tbh.

And thats their business. And its fine. No one else can force the issue without causing distress and damaging relations further.

It’s so shit that OP - I’d be upset if it was me.

I suppose it very much depends if you had a close relationship pre-baby. But if my siblings hadn’t seen my newborn in 3 months whether they were baby people or not I think it’s very rude at the least.